Not better than others

sinedie

As JW's we are taught that we are better than others; that we are almost superior to them. After finding out TTATT, and realizing that others are actually smarter than me, I feel quite small and insecure about myself. How do I start friendships with people I knew (sort of) for years, who I was trying to convince that the end is coming soon? I had an opportunity recently to get out and socialize with some acquaintances I haven’t talked to for years (but they still know me as a Witness who goes around preaching) but I didn’t. How do I start a normal friendship with them? Also, as I said I feel quite small and humbled at the moment, almost like there is nothing that I can contribute to society. Did you ever need to fight that feeling and how did you overcome it?

mrsjones5

Well, look at it this way: they don't know you used to think like that. Start from there.

sinedie

That's the problem, I think they do.

mrsjones5

Is there one in this group that you feel safe enough to open up to? I have a feeling that they only know you one way but they don't know the real you. I run up against that sometimes because I tend to be quiet if I don't know anyone or am feeling uncomfortable (and when I just need to recharge).

jamesmahon

Coming from someone who is a complete wallflower in social situations, I think you just have to find a way to laugh at yourself about it. If you know that they know what you used to think then you might as well joke about it. Or run away and make new friends.

Seriously, I think the fact that you are humbled shows that you are a kind person and have grown. Your past makes you interesting. And I know I am drawn to interesting people so suspect other people will be as well.

clarity

Humour Sinedie, humour. Have a laugh at yourself and be honest with your new friends.

You are the same person ... but now you are not deluded nor are you judgemental ...so

really you have more love to give, more sincerety.

You are more now ............. not less!

clarity

poppers

Tell them the walls of your old world are being dismantled and you want to learn about and participate in the wider world beyond the confines of the witness world. And you would like them to help show you around as your guide and friend (or words to that effect).

DesirousOfChange

My/our change in attitude about various things has come as quite a shock to many social friends who knew me/us as self-righteous, toe-the-line JWs. They used to "protect" me/us from certain siutations -- a stripper at a party comes to mind. Now they have come to see that we are not so up-tight and have adopted a more live-and-let-live attitude. To the select few who actually questioned me about the change, I've commented simply that I've re-evaluated my thinking regarding the imminent End of the World and universal salvation. Let 'em figure it out.

Doc

ammo

Hi Sinede,

Just be honest about it, and yes humor as well, I have had to 'explain' to my friends- (all 5 of them) that I made a mistake, I thought I would get bollocked in a big way but no, everyone was really cool about it, the truth is when I was in I really meant it, I never wanted others to feel less whatever because of my belief, but now I don't see it as the truth any more, I have to be truthful about that as well, don't be to proud to say you made a mistake, not that you sound like that anyway.

Also I understand that you can feel like not the sharpest tool in the shed, read up, digest, and find out what really interests you, and go from there, nowadays I think most people would just be happy to have a good woman on their side who is not going to crap on them, judge them or belittle them.... take it from there and if you feel small and insecure somedays, well darlin most people in the world have those feelings, don't dwell, or feed it though. We all have something to give and enjoy your journey finding out what that is.

I wish you all the best

sinedie

Thank you everyone.

I have never been mean to people because I was witness and have always respected others' opinions. But I was trained to think that I was better than others (knew more than them) or as their superior, and that came across when I was interacting with ones who weren’t witnesses. I acted like a bible basher. It helps knowing how others dealt with their exit.

mrsjones5 – That is so true, especially as I am getting to know myself. I have completely new view on things than some 2 years ago.

James – So I am not the only wallflower?! It is so tempting to just run away and make new friends, but not possible at the moment so I will have to laugh at myself, which is something I can totally do!!!

Clarity – You are more now ............. not less! Thank you for that. I haven’t thought about it that way. I always had a dose of humour in my life, I seem to find it in any situation. Being brave is something I lack.

Poppers – I take that on board, although I would make myself even more vulnerable at this moment in time by doing so. I don’t really have people I can call true friends now, just acquaintances, and first I need to see where I stand with them before gushing out my insecurities. Do you think that’s fair?

DOC – Just saying that I re-evaluated my thinking is not a bad thing. I only hope that the inquisitive community I live in won’t have too many follow-up questions.

Ammo – thank you darlin!!! It is encouraging to hear you had such a good experience with your friends. I’m definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed however, I am trying to find my place in the normal world and give my share.

Not better than others

Share this