Not better than others (page 2)

LouBelle

When I left, it was very hard to make friends, what I did know how to do was cook, have a laugh, share a glass of wine, so that is what I did. Invited some collegues I got along with at work and now I have a couple of really good mates from that. Small steps. You've got to put yourself ou there, thought at times it feels so awkward.

sinedie

Thanks LouBelle, fighting the awkward it is!!

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Quandry

Give yourself some time.

I was "in" for over thirty years. When I left, I suddenly had no friends, where before I thought I had hundreds. It is NOT EASY to start from scratch.

Start small, don't expect instant friendships like with the JWs. It will come....we'll never have the "myriads of brothers" that offer conditional friendship, but at least the ones we do have will like the real us.

Quandry-60 years old with few but interesting friends

LouBelle

sinedie - I often wish I was closer (in terms of kms) to people here - just so that we could meet up, have a coffee, a chat. If you're in Durban, SA, well then we can definately have a coffee :)

The friends I have made, don't "get it" as much as ex Jdubs do, but they do understand what a mind fuck the religion is in and all concur they are happy I am out.

Anything new is awkward. Start small. Take biscuits or lil treats to work (people love that) Slowly slowly. You will get there.

irondork

sinedie: I feel quite small and humbled at the moment, almost like there is nothing that I can contribute to society.

I took the direct approach. For example, I told old workmates, to whom I preached enthusiastically for years, that I finally started to see the flaws in the religion I believed with all my heart. I never once got judged negatively by any of them. If anything, I think their respect for me went up a notch or two because they realized what a difficult and brave thing it is for a person to face such a monstrous event in their life and come out humbled on the other side.

I have recieved nothing but supportive back-slaps, encouraging remarks and invitations to finally join human civilization. I still exercise good judgement with regards to association, but it is no longer based on the notion that I hold superior knowledge or a more favored position with God.

You will find that most non-Jehovah's Witnesses are no where near as judgmental as you and I were taught to be.

LouBelle

irondork

Sheep2slaughter

I had a similar struggle. Mine was with people in the congregation mostly tho but in theory I think the course I chose will work for you. I made a basic list in my head of the people I felt I had treated inappropriately; looked for opportunity(without forcing circumstances); and then straight apologized with no reservations. Most I told something to the effect that "my thinking and views on many thing have changed and as that change has occurred I could see the error in how I viewed and treated them. I don't know why I thought or acted that way but I'm sorry and will always treat you with dignity, concern and love. I'm sorry. Cheers"

Sheep2slaughter

I found value in making a list because it made me evaluate so many relationships. I also still had individuals that I didn't treat so hot that I realized I will not apologize to. I treat everyone better than I did when I was hardcore JW but not everyone qualified for a formal apology. You will find that most people, outside the org, are not just sitting around judging our every move like witnesses do. So an apology is very much appreciated and most will move on and base their future with you on your future treatment if them. Simple.

sinedie

Thank you all for good suggestions. Since I posted this I was on holiday and took one opportunity to socialize with neighbours and their friends. I felt a bit awkward at times but it’s a start.

LouBelle I wish I was a bit closer, I would love to have a coffee with you, and with all other kind people here. But for now I am grateful for this forum.

Not better than others

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