MY FIRST POST

by dazed but not confused 36 Replies latest jw friends

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  Quandry

  Welcome.

  What an accomplishment-two years sober. It is something to be proud of. How wonderful that your wife stood by you, and that you have her and two children. You have so much...also you mention a brother that is "out." Sounds like a good support system.

  Yes, as the others have said, please be patient with your wife as she must have been patient with you many times. Stand by her decision to stay with the JWs. She has two children that she loves more than life and must fear Armageddon coming sooooooooooon and what could happen to them if they leave. Take it slow.....just take your family to fun places on the weekend. Little by little she may enjoy time away from the KHall.

  If you must speak about the WTS, phrase your doubts as a question..."Should we think about saving for college for the kids or do we feel that they shouldn't have the option of an education?"

  Hope the best for you!
• 

  outsmartthesystem

  Welcome!

  "I wanted help and didn’t want to go to AA or any other program that helped with addiction as I believed what I was told about them being “their own religion” and part of “Babylon the great” I was told to rely on Jehovah and pray, pray, pray. "

  Tis the problem w/ being a witness. You are taught to let a janitor and a bus driver help you sort out your problems. Are they qualified? Of course not.....but hey.....they have the help of the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster in the sky!
• 

  BU2B

  Congrats, Dazed on being sucsessful in your fade and overcoming alcoholism. Both are enourmous tasks to accomplish, but both free you from different forms of enslavement. I am in a somewhat similiar position myself, only my journey to fading has just begun. My wife is fully in also and want to try to awaken her in a way that dosent scare her further into the arms of the Borg. How did you begin your fade Dazed? Im looking for any advice I can get. The fact that I am a MS further complicates things. I do not want to DA although I have considered it but do not want to lose my whole family. I understand the confusion you feel because I feel it too every day. I too was Baptized young, at 12. I never thought i would be on this side either. So unethical to allow child baptism, or induction into a group that you cant leave without life shattering repercussions. Fading will be hard because I will have to see my wifes dissapointment and heartbreak as she sees what she thinks is me dying spiritually, but that I feel is better than this mental torture of doing one thing and believing another. You are not alone, and welcome to the forum, I just joined too a few days ago.. Feel free to PM me. Good luck on your journey.
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  SweetBabyCheezits

  Welcome!
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  Momma-Tossed-Me

  Congrats, you are not alone. Many of use here have been or are in your shoes. Go easy on the wife only revealing small amounts of info, I did it the other way and it backfired.

  I wish I could say the road is easy, but it is not. Good luck, we are all here to help.
• 

  BlindersOff1

  Welcome. Make sure to take advantage of the search function on this site. More real info on JWs then anywhere else in the world
• 

  00DAD

  DBNC : My fade started shortly after going to the elders for help ... Instead what I got was publicly reproved, nearly Df’d. I had expected loving help, guidance and much needed support from the elders and MS who knew of my situation. All I got was nothing. No support, no encouragement.

  Lesson #1 - The Elders are NOT your friends. They are almost to the man "Company Men". I know I was for 20 years.

  DBNC : Now looking back it was the best thing they could have done for me. I am now 2 years sober. I did it myself with the support of my loving wife.

  Lesson #2 - "Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit." - (Napoleon Hill) You just have to find it. Well done!

  DBNC : Now I am starting over not knowing what to believe. I consider myself agnostic and very angry with all religion. I hate how controlling and destructive it is.

  Lesson #3 - Discovering you don't know what you believe about God. This happens to most of us. Many ex-JWs end up as atheists. That is perhaps an over-reaction, but as I am only out three years I can only say that I STILL don't know what to believe myself anymore. Interestingly, as a "Faithful JW" I was so SURE I had all the answers and yet that was never the comfort that it was advertised to be. Now that I don't know what the answers are I am much calmer, more at peace. Try it. You may come to embrace it. It is a process.

  DBNC : There is much I will share in the coming posts. I just wanted to introduce myself and say how much I appreciate this site and the help it provides.

  Welcome! I look forward to hearing you share your thoughts and experiences. You have many challenges ahead of you especially in connection with your wife. Take it slow and easy with her. She is in a cult!

  00DAD
• 

  Ding

  Welcome!

  Now that you no longer have the GB telling you what to think, take your time sorting out what to believe and not believe.
• 

  00DAD

  DBNC, here are a few threads that you may find helpful in your current situation. They contain the thoughts, concerns and challenges of fellow JWN members that have learned TTATT and are struggling to figure out what to do now/next.

  You'll no doubt identify with their situations and benefit from the advice given my fellow posters:

  • spilled the beans - by thecrushed - a very emotional situation
  • Seeking suggestions on reaching my wife ... - by wannabefree
  • the elders want to meet with me tomorrow - by wannabefree
  • An Open letter to the Governing Body - by stuckinamovement
  • OK, things are about to get messy... - by uk_ex_jw

  These will no doubt give you much to think about!

  00DAD
• 

  straightshooter

  Thanks for the post and glad to hear you were able to conquer the alcohol addiction. I remember being in a judicial committee meeting as an elder "helping" a couple with the problem with alcohol. Our suggestion was pray and use a calendar to mark when you failed. This never helped them. They eventually got df because of alcohol abuse.