Help for a father of two young JW's

by never a jw 20 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  jgnat

  Hi, I am a non-JW married to a witness. We have no children together.

  Since your children are teen/preteen, and you have had a sudden awakening/change of heart, I suggest you make NO ALARMING MOVES. This sets off both the cultist and the teenager radar.

  I think it is too late to stop the baptism of your daughter. I do suggest you go along and allow it to be the enthusiastic event it is supposed to be. It will be like a "coming of age" for your daughter and will be significant in the context in which she was raised. I suggest you attend, take pictures, and take her out to dinner afterwards to celebrate.

  Where you can step in is afterwards, when the baptism glow has faded and the reality of relentless proselyzing week after week, year after year hits home. That has GOT to be a grind for the modern teenager.

  Besides the GREAT suggestion for "Teach your Child to Think", I strongly recommend Hassan's "Combatting Cult Mind Control." The ex-witness books are very good for ex-witnesses. For those of us on the outside, Hassan's materials can save us years of misunderstanding and missteps.
• 

  jambon1

  Whatever you do, don't over react or use hostile language. They'll run straight into 'mothers' arms.
• 

  yknot

  Become an even more involved dad!

  If you can stop the baptism....do it unapologetically, be firm..... .....Sometimes parents change their minds when more facts are understood....Perhaps take the children on a weekend getaway during the District convention...... or agree to sit through the DC to make sure she isn't dunked. Discuss with your wife about your concerns of the high level of legal undertones our baptism has and unhealthy view of college.....perhaps the children should be college graduates before they make such a serious dedication ......fall back on Jesus being about 30 before commencing on his ministry

  Your children thrive when you share your thoughts, opinions and time with them.

  As their father they have a natural level of desire for you to 'take a lead' and it improves their sense of security.

  Do you review the WT material with your children? (you should)

  Gently discuss with them the concepts, compare other interpretational understandings, fact check quotes/statistics, ask their opinions, pepper you comments with our historical doctrinal development and lead them to a broader understanding.

  Review other reading material beyond the WT publication too....... example a nightly family reading of a literary classic or modern series (in light of sparlock I suggest books/series in which movies have been based or are being based-- since you kids are 12+ perhaps Suzanne Collin's Hunger Games or Hobbit (movie out in Dec) or a family friendly version Arabian Nights (movie out 2013/14) .

  Talk about the future and how their choices personally and professionally impact our society ......get them excited to be part of the larger good!
• 

  witnomore

  The good thing is that they are still young enough for you to have a major impact/impression on them. Involve yourself in their lives as much as you can. As their father....you certainly have this right. One-on-one trips which will give you some time to have some heart to heart talks. Not sure of your religious background but maybe taking them with you to do volunteer work sponsored by either a secular or a church (youth group?)...I know the last idea might have to be approached more delicately. The later might help them to form the idea that not all "wordly" people are evil as the Watchtower org suggests that they are.

  .
• 

  Gayle

  Try to find extracurriculars that are an interest for them, school activity of sports or arts. Encourage schooling to prepare for college. At least with you, they can have an open door for them to think with a free mind and heart. You'll have to be very willing to be involved with them. Afterall, the WTS will have them at least 5 meetings/wk, or two days/wk plus a field service day. You will have to match that in time and activity to give them 'normal.' Find city programs or outings. You can provide them with mental activities and certainly can 'win' them over to real life and positive skills. You can succeed in this and your children will be drawn to your reality and zest for this life.

  Most JW kids leave it eventually (67%) against tough odds. But your kids have better odds/chances - you!
• 

  never a jw

  Thank you everyone for your great advice regarding "educating" my children out of the Watchtower grasp . One day I want to take the tough stright shooter approach, the next I want to try the slow and subtle approach to getting them out the WTS indoctrination. I will follow your advice regarding getting the books that some of you mentioned and I will try not to be abrupt in my approach as some of you have suggested.

  At this point I may have made the mistake of being too frank with the head honcho of the congregation, an elder that is also the replacement of the Circuit Overseer when he is unable to perform his duties. In e-mail exchanges with him I have brought into question most parts of his special talk "Is it later than you think". His speech was filled with misrepresentations, fallacious data, fabricated graphs, specious argumentation and certainly erroneous conclusions. I also have called shameless the attitude of the Governing Body for continuing to predict that the end is coming soon, very soon, after having failed so many times in the past (1925, 1975, 1914, etc). At this point, despite my attacks, the elder remains surprisingly friendly to me because I believe he wants me to reveal my arsenal so he can counter attack with whatever B.S they use to brainwash young minds.

  Thanks again and have a great week. I will continue reading and looking for valuable advice.
• 

  never a jw

  Hi Ausie Oz

  What's a PM. I don't know what you mean. I am not familiar with protocols or processes in blogs. Please explain.

  Thanks
• 

  nugget

  PM is a private message. Scroll to the top of the screen. Top right hand corner is an envelope which takes you to the message screen. Click on the message once and then click on the envelope and message again ( due to system glitch).

  As a non witness normal relationship rules do not apply as the cult has control of them and has taught them to defer to elders and the organisation for most things that are usually parental decisions. Remember one important point, time is on your side. My father had 4 daughters in the cult. 3 of us are free. It took 40 years in my case but I am free and stand by my fathers side proud and grateful that he never gave in and was there for me when I needed him.

  Never under estimate the level of control that this religion exerts, this is a long term project but it is possible to help ease your children away and educate them. The religion is built on lies and manipulation and whilst they are very good at keeping their people in thrall to the lie you can be better. They fear knowledge because they have too many skeletons to keep them hidden.

  Good luck.
• 

  Black Sheep

  the elder remains surprisingly friendly to me....

  This is good. Don't do anything to change this.

  .... I believe he wants me to reveal my arsenal so he can counter attack with whatever B.S they use.

  Do not reveal.

  Tell him nothing. That way, you don't have to prove anything.

  Ask questions. That way, the onus is on them to prove everything.

  You can not tell them they are wrong. No matter how simply you put it, they will not believe you. You need them to tell you they are wrong, and you need to do whatever it takes to get them to tell you that. The greatest challenge is keeping them talking to you when they suspect they might be in the wrong.

  I never said it was easy.
• 

  Witness My Fury

  Plenty of good info on youtube for them (and you) to firm up critical thinking skills so they will be able to see the logical fallacies for themselves.

  Qualisoup has some good stuff.