Blondie's Comments You Will Not Hear at the 07-15-2012 WT Study (STRAINED MARRAIGE)

by blondie 38 Replies latest jw friends

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  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  It's evident from the tone of this article that marriages in the org must be a mess. I don't see that this article will be any help.

  When marriages are often based on little more than what's available in the circuit gene pool, many of these JW couples have little in common. When they're strictly chaperoned and have no experience dating, they don't have the maturity and privacy to make an informed decision. They often don't get to really know each other until after they get married. Financial problems easily strain the marriage if they haven't got an education or social connections. Once the congregation starts making demands of their time and energy, even faithful dubs find that their homelife isn't what they'd hoped. Elders have no skills to fix marital problems, they often create them.

  Thanks again Blondie!
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  Chemical Emotions

  EXTREME PHYSICAL ABUSE...what about verbal/emotional/mental abuse? Especially if it's extreme or close to it? What about physical abuse that isn't considered "extreme" What if he, say, occasionally smacks her around, calls her names all the times, makes her generally miserable? What about sexual abuse? What if he just rapes her occasionally? Maybe it doesn't leave permanent physical problems, and he doesn't do it more than a couple tims a month..then it's not "extreme", at least not to a lot of elders, I'm sure...None of that is important? Why oh why is it only "extreme physical abuse" that gets mentioned? Not because it might end in her death. No. Because it looks bad for a JW lady to be all bruised or to end up getting murdered or almost murdered by her husband. JWs wouldn't look like a very good religion THEN. But 'minor abuse' is ok. Even if the little children see daddy hitting and screaming and cussing at their mom. Even if it teaches (and it often DOES) little girls to accept abuse and little boys to be abusive...Even though extreme verbal abuse and "minor" physical abuse as led to so many suicides among women.

  And aren't at least SOME JW men abused by their wives?
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  Chemical Emotions

  I just love Billy's post...
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  Retrovirus

  Linda,* a zealous Christian and a devoted mother, watched helplessly as her baptized husband unrepentantly

  embarked on an unscriptural path and was disfellowshipped. What should a Christian do if his or her marriage bond

  seems hopelessly frayed for such a reason?

  "for such a reason", eh? If the husband was disfellowshipped for something like questioning doctrine or smoking, is the marriage

  necessarily "frayed"? Well yes - because of the wt judgmental attitudes and the need to "give a good witness".

  No other reason.
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  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  Linda,* a zealous Christian and a devoted mother, watched helplessly as her baptized husband unrepentantly embarked on an unscriptural path and was disfellowshipped.

  Perhaps the husband was disfellowshipped for 'unscripturally' demanding a higher bride-price than the unemployed PO's son could afford? Or maybe he was DFd for 'unscripturally' questioning how all the animals could have fit on the ark?
• 

  WTWizard

  The religion is a big part of the problem. First, without fornication, how are they going to find something that fits their needs? I wish whoever wrote the no-fornication rule would get stuck with a car--a Yugo--without getting to try it before buying. How can you know whether it is a Lambourghini or a Yugo without trying it first?

  Then, once they are married (within the religion, of course), their time goes for field circus. Money goes to protect the witlesses from Father Satan and Conti, not to pay the couple's bills. They don't get enough sleep because they are hounded to pious-sneer. Then, the religion is in the bedroom. Can they do something novel without pxxxing off Jehovah? The religion itself stagnates people's lives.

  Besides, the religion itself is flawed. It is half Pharisaic Jewish and half Paulian Christian, neither conducive for satisfaction in life. The Pharisaic side is always coming up with rules. Paul himself had major sex hang-ups. He didn't believe in people having the right to have any fulfillment, since he himself couldn't. The whole thing is a recipe for disaster.

  Then, once the relationship stagnates, the abuse starts. Instead of breaking up, the couple start abusing each other. Usually it is verbal, but violence is not uncommon. There is no hope of honorably breaking up, adding to the stress that was started from a bad religion in the first place. The only hope is to get disfellowshipped--one or both must do adultery. And what happens if one side (usually the wife) digs in to prevent the other side from being free? Resentment, much created by the religion, builds. Violence, including murder, can result--and even if not, both sides end up hating each other.
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  Retrovirus

  Perhaps the husband was disfellowshipped for 'unscripturally' demanding a higher bride-price than the unemployed PO's son could afford? Or maybe he was DFd for 'unscripturally' questioning how all the animals could have fit on the ark?

  That was a funny thread Billy!

  Contrast this with the latest public wt here, where they are trying to demonstrate the wt and the Bible's great respect toward women
• 

  Aware!

  I don't know how you do it, Blondie. You are so awesome.
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  skin

  Para 10: ...a spouse may become an inactive publisher…

  Para 15: … has the Christian been negligent

  about Bible study, inconsistent in meeting

  attendance, and irregular in the

  ministry?

  The whole study mainly blamed poor spirituality on the reason for marriage problems. But in all the divorces that I have known within the congregations, (and there are a lot over the years) I can’t think of one that poor spirituality can be blamed.

  Para 18: … Consider Linda, who was mentioned

  earlier. Her marriage eventually

  ended in divorce, although she had

  put many years of effort into trying to

  save it. Does she feel that she wasted

  her time? “Not at all,” she says. “My

  efforts gave a good witness to onlookers….

  . “My efforts gave a good witness to onlookers”? Who are these onlookers? Could it have been those onlookers that caused the problems? And what possible good witness could come out of a divorce?
• 

  nugget

  I find this particular article disgusting. I was brought up in a religiuously divided home but when I look back at who was responsible for the tension in that home I would say it was the JW. Because JWs do not compromise on anything and because they allow elders to constantly interfere in family life it causes tension. The religion itself makes the marriages strained and difficult but the article does the usual bait and switch positioning it that the non JW is the primary cause of difficulties.

  In one of the examples the wife tried to save the marriage to give a good witness. So her motive was not to rebuild her relationship but to give the appearance that she had tried and she would be beyond reproach. There was no love in her comments.

  Great comments from Blondie on this one.