i'm not exactly trying to sneak them past.
the main idea is for me to get things off my chest. for me to be able to tell her in no ncertain terms, 'this shit fucked me up.'
that is 99% of my goal. to tell her, she raised me in a cult.
i would, however, like to be able to say it in a way that maximizes the potential that she breaks out of it withot me having to go the bible study route. i REALLY don't want to have to drag this out, though i recognize that i most likely will, hence me thinking of going the 'well yu can look at it like it's a bible stud/count your time! hehehehe' route.
i'm looking for that improbable best of both worlds. the fast method. i know it doesn't exist, bt i would like to brainstorm a way to break their logic quickly, or at least in a way that lets us start strong on the way to breaking loved ones out of this nonsense.
i don't have the cult mind control book and would love to get it. unfortnately, that's not going to happen anytime soon and i do believe the time for me to say tough things to my mother before she gets used to being able to talk to me whenever will close before i can get to the book. before this month, i litereally refused any contact with her since october of last year and i know that hurt her. it hurt me. especially since my grandmother passed away in january and we have yet to talk about that.
honestly it bothers me more than i let on. my grandmother died in january and i was so disconnected from my family that they didn't even tell me ntil the next day. they tell everyone my grandmother was apparently practically comatose and everyone got to pay their last respects but me. even though i'm on the other side of the country i wanted to tell her i loved her before she pased away. even though she might not have understood, even if it was only over the phone. i've been in a dark place for years. i was in sch a dark place and i retreated further and further away from my family trying to become something new. to start afresh. as though the old me, the jehovah's witness me, never existed. i've spent years frustrated trying to explain to my aunt that i'm not depressed, that the medication NEVER helped me. not one bit. i always woke up feeling awful no matter how high the dosage, no matter how long i took them. i was simply raised in a cult and all of a sudden plopped into the middle of a reality that i had no idea how to process, how to move, or live within. all those years of torment praying to god for friends. young ones in my hall that i could be friends with, to have a group to be around. that pain was pointless. there was no jehovah. i might as well have been praying to ren and stimpy. i lost my chance to say my last words to my grandmother because of all of this craziness. i cannot imagine that i would have developed in this way without the influuences of the jehovah's witnesses. the bond i had with her before the witnesses was incredible. after the witnesses, it got to the point where we couldn't communicate all that well. now think about this. how many children in multilingual households where a family member barely speaks any english, cannot speak the other language in the house? it's virtually unheard of bt i lost my ability because i wasn't around my grandmother all that mch anymore. some of that is natural. but the way i went was too far.
i was a stupid child. by that, i mean i did stpid things. like climbing trees dangerously high. dangerously high to the point that even as an 8 year old i would think, 'this is kinda stupid, i shold probably not keep going.' of course i would keep going until panic wold almost set in. this being sothern california, the trees weren't nearly as sturdy as the ones in goergia, those were some good trees. now, perhaps this is silly, but i shudder to think that if i fell from one of those trees and needed a couple pints of blood to save my life, i shudder to think that my mother would have let me die. and yet here i am, having realized it's all a crock of shit, i cannot believe, that i would have agreed with her then.
these talks between me and her are all about me. it's for my benefit. i'm juust looking for an off the wall, theoretically maybe this will work, method while still leaving myself some wiggle room for future conversations.
for sre, i know not to be confrontational and direct. most of the time i'll be asking questions and the only doctrine i would consider debating has to do with proven failed prohecies. i would like some help developing a way to break the logical fallacy of the perfect organization, run by a perfect god, printing erroneous bs which is ok because they are infallible men. that one blows my mind. why in the fuck did i believe that? how does that work? lol.
