Why are you here?

by teejay 24 Replies latest jw friends

teejay

OUTLAW,
I have to go be bitter and dysfunctional on another thread.
Glad you got the joke.
---------------------
We are friends even though your an asshole!
Yo, Danny!
You talkin' to me? Me? An asshole? No way!
---------------------
BTW, how old is your daughter?
Scorpion
I had her waaay late in life. I'm 44. She'll be three next month. My only child.
In some ways I have no clue about fatherhood since my fatherless background forces me to learn as I go. I thought I'd never have one of my own until she came along but when she did it changed my life completely. I can't put into words how glad I am that she's here.
---------------------
Thanks for your comments, Frank. They mean a lot.
My plan has always been to stay here, not only out a sense of obligation but also plain ol' selfishness.
See, I just love the little girl's company. For instance, after work I walk into the house and she squeals like I'm a rock star or somebody – almost like I'm important or something. "Daddy's home!!" she'll say and come running to me, wanting me to pick her up.
I listen to sports radio on the way home and by the time I get home I'm usually still listening to these two characters that I like. So, I sit in the garage in my truck and it's not long before the little one comes out there so that she can look in my shirt pocket for the piece of candy I always have for her and to just be with me... just me and my girl, hanging out, listening to the radio and talking about her day at school. There's no way I can put a dollar figure on stuff like that. She's the absolute light of my life.
---------------------
The following is for DC. (Btw DC, my mailbox is open to you if you want to discuss this further.)
I guess sometimes it's best to divorce if a marriage is so bad that it makes living day to day intolerable. However, coming from a home of divorce it's hard for me to see where such a breaking point like that is. I have a high tolerance for not insisting on having or wanting my way; I also have few expectations when it comes to what I want from others; and, I really do enjoy simple things and don't need much to be happy and content. I think that's true for most men.
Earlier I may have given the wrong impression about my present marital situation. I'm not miserable as I may have made it appear. All I meant to say with this thread is that I hang out here on JW.com as much as I do because since my daughter figures so heavily into my life I have few social outlets to share thoughts about JW life, my current ex-JW life, and my views on relevant current events with anybody else.
I'm pretty much a homebody – always have been – and since most of the friends I ever had are mostly JWs who have little to do with me, if I want to talk about current events or share something JW-related that's on my mind, JW.com is the place to do it.
I'm sorry that you felt you were in the position of ending your marriage for the sake of your kids – that the tension and unhappiness was more than what you wanted your children to experience. I have to say that as bad as it might have been, kids really need both parents in their life to grow into emotionally stable adults. Without both mom and dad, kids grown into adults that have big holes missing in their personalities that will never be filled. With me and my five siblings in mind, I think my viewpoint on this has substantial merit.
It's a tough call – deciding to stay or deciding to end it. I'd rather not say much about my wife since she's a loyal JW and doesn't care much for the time I spend online or here on JW.com in particular, but my situation is not as bad as I think your situation was based on what little you said about it. We have good times together and do things together as a family, but there *is* a lack of total unity due to the JW thing.
As far as not wanting my daughter to see "what marriage is supposed to be," I think it's good to offer my daughter a realistic vision of what married life is really like so that when she enters marital bliss – *cough* – she will not be devastated when those rough days come every now and then. Trying to portray marriage as a never-ending honeymoon is unrealistic.
Xena

Hey teejay!
It is interesting to see what draws us here..I enjoyed reading your reasons..and am not suprised to find them very reasoned, logical and yet deeply motavated. Your daughter sounds like a treasure, but then I have a fondness for daughters myself
As for me, Tim is the one who first started posting on a EXJW board..uuumm I made fun of him for it ...then I started reading some of the posts and realizing that these were people just like me.
I don't know about anyone else, but when I left the JW's I felt very alone, even though Tim and I left together..there is still a sense of aloneness (is that even a word?) in giving up your entire belief system...your way of life for the last 20 some odd years. Knowing that you will have to rebuild yourself...decide for yourself what you want to believe...how you want to live...who you want to be with. So to find a place where there were so many different people from so many different places who could relate to me on a level people who had never been JW's could was fantastic! lol they spoke my "language" here
Funny how odd we sometimes appear to other people. We went to a party at Christmas and were sitting with a group of people. It came up that this was just the 2nd Christmas we had ever celebrated and that we used to be JW's. Lol some the looks and questions we got! It was like we were freaks ...here we are "normal"...lol well pretty normal.
So I come here to read, reason (I hope) and respond. Oh sure the sex is fun too!!!
PS
I think it's good to offer my daughter a realistic vision of what married life is really like so that when she enters marital bliss – *cough* – she will not be devastated when those rough days come every now and then. Trying to portray marriage as a never-ending honeymoon is unrealistic.
AMEN!
heathen

I just want to be a jedi,thanks for the lame excuse of a post
noidea

This is really a great post! and I was hoping to add to it..But then when I got to Heathen I just cracked up LOL...all train of thought out the window..thanks Heathen!!!!
Scorpion

teejay,
I am 44 also. I got a jump on you as far as having kids. Just to let you know, raising kids is a real learning experience, I am sure you have figured that out. I was in a tough situaution over 9 years ago. My exwife decided that raising kids and staying home was not for her. She got into the party scene and in the mean time I was running a business and handling all the affairs around the house. This means taking care of the three kids. There was a battle in court for custody of the kids, I won full physical custody. This is not an easy task for a man. The woman usually has the edge in these matters.
I am remarried to a knock out woman 10 years older than me. The kids are doing fantastic. My youngest daughter made the principles honor role for the second year in a row. She was the top student in the 8th grade for her school. The exwife has moved out of town, she has two other kids by two other guys, she does not even know who the father is of one of the kids. I am glad she keeps her distance.
I did not bring up any of the JW garbage in this, that is a story in itself. I am sure with a dad like you your daughter is in great hands. I know what you mean by not having the words to discribe how glad we are for our kids. I was in the delivery room when the kids were born. I cut the ambilical cord and was the first to hold all three, excluding the doctor. Seeing your own child being born does something to you.
Scorpion
termite 35

Hi Teejay,Hey, if you were blind you wouild'nt be able to 'see' us, but we'd still be friends would'nt we?! It dos'nt matter if we're online or in front of you-we're still 'real' to eachother which is lovely.I refused to give up on my non jw friends( OR opposing.It's a mess to be honest, something to do with the moving of goal posts I expect.I want LIFE TO DELIGHT AND SURPRISE ME, so much to see and do, so little time... hubby seems to like me better when i was content to wait for the NS ; don't get me wrong, i'm not going crazy or anything, just want to enjoy everything i do and take delight in everyday ; my education is off and rerunning, i'm super fit now, need to be happy and busy and Iguess he dos'nt like me TOO happy!So maybe your marriage is fine the way it is; mine was. XXX But i can't go back to being subservient; and i'm not exactly Germaine Greer !!!
Wren

To know that I follow others, who were able to unscrew the gallon size pickle jar, filled with formaldehyde, reach in, and salvage their brain/mind.
teejay

I don't know about anyone else, but when I left the JW's I felt very alone, even though Tim and I left together..there is still a sense of aloneness in giving up your entire belief system...your way of life for the last 20 some odd years. Knowing that you will have to rebuild yourself...decide for yourself what you want to believe...how you want to live... to find a place where there were so many different people from so many different places who could relate to me on a level people who had never been JW's could was fantastic! they spoke my "language" .... We went to a party at Christmas and were sitting with a group of people. It came up that this was just the 2nd Christmas we had ever celebrated and that we used to be JW's. Lol some the looks and questions we got! It was like we were freaks ...here we are "normal"
Xena
What you said here is very, very true. It's like living in a foreign country where it's always a struggle trying to communicate and all of a sudden we run into a bunch of people from back home who understand not only the words we use but what we're actually talking about. Very well said.
I can relate to your experience at the Christmas party. Most people who've never been Witnesses have a hard time believing us when we talk about what it's like being a JW or an ex-JW. They think that we're making up some of this stuff. For example, never in their wildest imaginings would they believe that a mother would stop talking to her kids or grandkids or go for years without seeing them simply because they don't go to the same 'church,' but it happens everyday among JWs and their ex, "apostate" relatives.
Here, when we relate what's going on in our lives there's an immediate recognition a "yeah, that happened to me, too." We KNOW... we understand. It's very comforting to be understood... it really is. So, even though we get into arguments every now and then, at the bottom of it there's a level of understanding here that we don't have with anyone else. That's why I call JW.com "family."
------------------------
Heathen,
You crack me up!
You've been here for almost a year, have a whopping 70 posts, but want to be a Jedi. Too funny!! By my computations, you should make Jedi in early spring, 2014!!
------------------------
Scorpion,
Going through what you did with your ex and sticking in there for your kids is something I'd like to say I'd do in the same situation. You deserve all the respect your kids can give you. It must give you a lot of pride and satisfaction to see them doing so well now.
Sorry that their mother is not a larger factor in their life. Although they are probably better off without her, it still has to hurt a little, knowing that their mother didn't care more about them.
I know what you mean by not having the words to describe how glad we are for our kids. I was in the delivery room when the kids were born. I cut the umbilical cord and was the first to hold all three, excluding the doctor. Seeing your own child being born does something to you.
I know what you mean. My wife and I went to the hospital the night before and I began videoing almost from the beginning. The next morning they began the chemicals to induce labor and I have almost a non-stop video record of everything – the visitors to our room, scenes of the farmland and storm clouds out the window across the highway, views of what the monitors where showing as she had contractions – up until JJ arrived (wife didn't want that on tape) and afterwards.
Seeing her enter the world was the most powerful thing I've ever witnessed. EVER. I'm not an emotional person at all, but when that happened I almost cried like a baby. Even now I get teary thinking back on that moment. Words have not been coined that helps describe how I felt right then.
My emotions settled back down and it began to dawn on me the changes I was feeling, how I began to look at the world differently and my views on almost every issue would have to be amended. For example, despite my JW upbringing for years I've felt totally free to vote but never have been interested enough in any of the issues to get registered. Now, with a kid who I hope to help in every way I can, I'm waay more interested in the voting process. I don't care enough to get involved for me... my daughter is another matter.
Enjoyed your post.
------------------------
... well, I can say my marriage has become SO MUCH WORSE now that i'm inactive and opposing. It's a mess to be honest, something to do with the moving of goal posts I expect. I want LIFE TO DELIGHT AND SURPRISE ME, so much to see and do, so little time... hubby seems to like me better when i was content to wait for the NS...
termite,
Sorry to hear that your married life has taken a turn for the worse since the JW blinders have come off but maybe there are things you can do to lessen the tension.
What I've been able to figure out in my own journey is that I can understand them (my JW wife and JW relatives) a lot better than they can understand me. They see someone that they think they don't know anymore and since I remember how JWs think, I'm able to see me through their eyes. So, I use that to our mutual advantage. I don't push too much and when they have a hard time accepting some of my new outlooks, I don't argue with them. It's taken a while to get to where I am, but I finally figured out that you have to pick your battles and let a lot of things slide.
Your husband probably feels like he doesn't know you anymore, even though the only change in you is that you want to live a little more rather than wait on the New System. What's hard for him to see is that you are probably the same person on the inside that you always was – it's the exterior, the things you're doing with your life now, that he has a hard time figuring out.
ashitaka

I had nowhere to turn with my feelings; I was suspect at first of people (who I thought had nothing else better to do) who could only slam the witnesses.
But, in the end, I found out that they shared a lot of the same traits I do, and that is comforting. Haven't met too many people like me.
Now, I just come because I'm nearing the end of everything, and I think I just want to tell people they CAN do it, it's just really, really, hard.
Also, there's a lot of saucy ladies here.
ashi
Imbue

I’m here because my husband doesn’t know I’m apostate. My Jw friends will only listen to so much they haven't labeled me apostate yet. So far they feel I'm ‘negative’. I can’t talk with my non-JW friends because they don’t understand. I need to be able to express myself without fear of reprisal.
Then I tried to join Great Crowd but they booted me after one post. I think I asked them why they were so boring. They didn’t like my attitude I guess. They don’t want to talk about real life issues. This may be the Jerry Springer Show for JWs but atleast it’s entertaining.
Crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Why are you here?

Share this