Why are you here?

by teejay 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  termite 35

  Teejay;nice to speak to you...the marriage thing is so odd for me because my husband never has or will be a jw; he opposed it all for years, then, when i see it for what it is, I now realise that i'm a threat to him in some way; I just wish he'd be as happy for me as I know some posters here would be if their wives saw them for what they are; sadly i'm getting crap for 'HAVING PUT HIM THROUGH ALL THIS FOR NOTHING' I can see the point, but this attitude is starting to wear a bit thin; it's been going on for 5 months now and i will only take so much...If I ever wanted to lose so much self respect and feel like crap, and get spoken about in a derogatory way by all his friends who find it so self righteously funny; i've gone about it the right way!My come uppance for being a tosser I guess!!!Take care x
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  Pete2

  TeeJay,

  Wow, what a heartfelt post! I've always enjoyed your posts, TJ. You always try to be fair and even-handed. Hang in there guy -- bloom where you're planted.

  I don't come here much. Too many times, unfortunately, I show up to retaliate against those whom I feel have "attacked me" in earlier posts.... Or to respond to those I feel unfairly attack others. There are many wise and good people who post here (I've always enjoyed waiting's posts), and I visit here because of posts from kind-hearted people like you, TJ -- and, I guess, I show up because we all share the experience of having been locked out of the real world by fear, family and a misguided spiritual need.

  TeeJay, I wish you the best, buddy,
  Pete

  PS: SIMON: I think you do an incredible job of running this board! I apologise if I've stepped over the line in responding to others.
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  ballistic

  I just spent hours replying to this item and it said page cannot be found when I hit reply to topic. hmmmmmmmmmm.
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  teejay

  Teejay; nice to speak to you...the marriage thing is so odd for me because my husband never has or will be a jw; he opposed it all for years, then, when i see it for what it is, I now realise that i'm a threat to him in some way...

  Termite,

  Wow. Your last post caught me off-guard because of the assumption I'd made after reading your first post—I thought your hubby was a JW!

  But you know, the circumstances in your marriage are the same as they would be if he was. If you're anything like me since making a complete break from the Organization, I think and often act like a totally different person than I did then. My wife, who had come to expect me to act in certain ways, has gradually discovered the emergence of a new person. My ideas, even the words I used to express those ideas, have changed over the years. I'd be a little confused... maybe even a bit insecure... if I saw the same thing happening in front of me.

  Another thing: Most religions put barriers on what people do. The JW religion is no different. For as long as you were a Witness your hubby could expect that there were some things you would not do. Also, he may have (at times) used your membership as a form of controlling you... I don't know. "What would Jehovah think?" ... "I'm going to tell the elders" and stuff like that. Now, he doesn’t know what to expect, can't use your religion against you, and it makes him a little insecure. Maybe?

  I just wish he'd be as happy for me as I know some posters here would be if their wives saw them for what they are...

  Very true. My married life would improve overnight if my wife would start to think just a little bit about "the truth." But, it took *me* thirty years to do the same thing so it wouldn't be reasonable for me to expect her to do that. It's my goal to just keep trying to, while being true to myself, look at things from her perspective as a JW and give her the time she needs to adjust to the new me.
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  Pete2,

  Are you the same Pete that entered a certain thread some time back that a certain now-deactivated poster started about me in which she accused me of being a 'stalker'? Probably so.

  Thanks for your very kind words, Pete, and I hope only the best for you.
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  termite 35

  Teejay, What a lovely,considerate reply- you're right of course; i'm sure all this is very confusing for him... I WAS very adventurous and an extrovert then, after becoming 'involved' I tried to tone myself down a little; but it's hard to amble when you want to RUN and dash from one interest to another!I guess he has the old me back and maybe he liked the inbetween one that he could subtly control by my OWN rules-I just wish he liked the happier me...i'm sure he.s going to leave soon anyway,just a matter of time; but at least the children have me back and I guess he'll never know how much fun it could have been...I really hope your wife finds something to question and pride won't stop her from investigating.You could always ask your wife for 'equal consideration'... perhaps your daughter could go to the kh on alternate weeks and spend alternate weeks with you at home doing alternative sunday morning activities!I hope all goes well with you x termite