False Hopes and Failed Promises
- Why? Why did I become a Witness? Why did I accept their beliefs?
I was looking, searching for many things: answers, meaning, enlightenment, a direction and even hope. In short, I was searching for truth, or rather Truth, and hoping maybe even to find TRUTH.
There was also the yearning to belong to a community of like-minded people
I remember searching all the major religions looking for these things. I spent years doing this. I became convinced that Jesus was the one to follow, but it seemed clear that none of the mainstream churches were doing that.
Two things in particular bothered me:
- Why did so many churches teach the Trinity doctrine when it clearly wasn't in the Bible?
- And why does God allow suffering?
(I had my doubts about hellfire too, but this was not such a "burning" issue with me! Pun intended.)
Witness had answer to both of these questions. They even had answers to questions I never thought about before! It was exciting! One of my JW friends commented cryptically, "We have an answer for everything!". When I think about that now I believe he was denigrating this JW attribute.
Vulnerability: Maybe I also want to have a sense of belonging, of being part of something, having friends with similar values and goals. They had all these things, or at least it seemed that way to me at the time. It even looked like an international Brotherhood based on love, love of God, His son Jesus and of one another. Also, there is something incredibly fulfilling in believing that what your are doing is of Universal importance.
- "A man that won't stand for something will fall for anything" ... Winston Churchill
I also gained many personal benefits by becoming a Witness*. I cleaned up my life, stopped using drugs, stopped smoking. I believed that I had found a hope for the future, that there was going to be a time when God would undo all the wrong in the world and make everything right, the way it should be. This certainly appealed to my mind and my heart. But these benefits were not without cost.
*There were other benefits too. I learned skills that helped me professionally, teaching abilities and in dealing with people, etc.
What though about "Critical Thinking" and research skills? Hmm, that's a tough one. I thought I had them, but then I was hoodwinked, at least for a while, by the Society's propaganda. I've come to see that real, genuine Critical Thinking Skills are deliberately blunted by WT "Theology" and indoctrination.
DOCTRINE: I was never overly motivated by dates. Eschatology simply wasn't that interesting to me. I wanted to serve God and develop Christian qualities. The ideals of a Paradise earth and a worldwide brotherhood of man greatly appealed to me. As a result I never really researched the Society's history of making predictions about certain dates, for example 1874, 1914, 1925, 1975, etc. If I had, perhaps things would have been different. Still, it would have been difficult as the Society does not still publish most of their older (Russell and Rutherford) publications and when they are quoted, the language is often highly sanitized. Now I know that the WT has even revised older publications and changed what was originally written!
In summary, I still think all those ideals are beautiful. But sadly, I'm having a hard time believing in them any more. Someone once said that JWs are good at creating atheists. I don't know if I agree with that, but they certainly convinced me that ALL "Religion is a snare and a racket" and that includes the WTBTS too!
This is why I now feel so much anger and resentment towards the WTBTS and it's leadership: They betrayed me by pretending to be something the very clearly are not. They are religious frauds and charlatans of the largest magnitude. Their hypocrisy is astounding for its breadth, depth, scope and length of time it has continued. Their legalistic, rule-oriented approach to worship makes the Pharisees look like amateurs. That they continue guilty of these spiritual crimes while demonizing others and enforcing institutionalized shunning which tears apart families, friends and other relationships only compounds the atrocity of their guilt exponentially. And yet they continue without shame or remorse. They are the biggest cowards and liars I know of and their presentation of themselves as self-righteous stewards only enrages people of genuine conscience and conviction all the more.
They have destroyed my faith. Now I'm not even sure if I believe in God any longer as a result of discovering the true nature of the beast known as the WTBTS and its leadership and faithful followers. Still, sometimes I hope there is a God, if only because I take satisfaction in knowing that maybe someday He will make them pay for their crimes.
It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of [the] living God. - Hebrews 10:31
