Should someone commit adultery just to......

by nightwing02 10 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  nightwing02

  get a divorce if he/she is a witness?
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  SixofNine

  Ideally? NO!!!!!

  They should, as calmly and rationally as possible, seperate from, and then divorce their mate.

  They should move on with life w/o immediately jumping into another relationship.

  When they do get into another relationship, and they want to have sex, they should do so.

  Only JW's will look at it as adultry at that point, and the persons concience can and should be totally clear. Who cares what JW's think?

  The above, to me, is the ideal. In real life, I think committing adultry is very unkind, especially if you want to end the marriage anyway. But one can always just end the marriage, and get laid as soon as you have had the "this is over" conversation. That is sooo much better than adultry in the classic sense of the word.

  An aside to this: it is fascinating to me that we all bought into the "scripturally free" rules for whether or not we could date/remarry after a divorce. The bible is quite silent on the matter, lol. Jesus didn't help the issue by saying what he said, but he was always one for hyperbole, don't you think?
• 

  Seeker4

  Not a lot of details in that inquiry, but I think it highlights one of the serious problems in JW doctrine.

  The only scriptural grounds for divorce is adultery. And, if after knowing of the adultery, the innocent mate consents to sexual relations with their partner, the adultery is no longer a valid reason for the divorce. I have to tell you that that combination has really screwed over a lot of Witnesses I know.

  For example: You have a Witness couple. One mate commits adultery, but is not disfellowshipped. The couple try to save the marriage, and of course that means that sooner or later they have sex together again. A month or two down the road after that they realize it just isn't going to work, and that they should divorce, but guess what - neither partner is free to remarry in the congregation. For either of them even to date is grounds for disfellowshipping! So, if you want to be a good JW under those circumstances, you are fucking stuck. No marriage, no sex, no dating.

  And why? Because the WTS arbitarily has decided that resuming sexual relations shows that the adulterer has been forgiven by the innocent mate, and therefore the adultery can no longer be a valid grounds for divorce. There is ABSOLUTELY no scriptural grounds for that view - it is simply WTS law. Why? My feeling is that this is just another evidence of the WTS being a high control organization. Wouldn't want to let two adults decide if forgiveness has taken place in their marriage now, would we? Why, they might just say that to get out of the marriage, and we couldn't have that now, could we??

  If this set of circumstances is anything like what you're inquiring about, one way out of this mess is to commit fornication. Go out, get a little drunk (it's a great one time judicial committee excuse for losing control), meet someone and engage in a bit of fornication. Doesn't have to be full intercourse either - a little oral sex will suffice, and even some heavy petting will fulfill the WTS definition of fornication as long as some genitals are "manipulated" (better known as a "hand job").

  Do it once, go crying and all remorseful to the elders about it, get yourself privately reproved and lose a few privileges for a few months (as long as you were discrete and didn't do this in public - so no petting at a corner table in the local pub, please!) and voila! You and your ex-mate or soon to be ex-mate are free to divorce and remarry and stay in good standing in your congregation (though why you would want to is beyond me!)

  Just don't have sex with your mate again after that - or you'll be back to square one!

  Good luck -
  S4
• 

  orangefatcat

  Well NightWing I did just that, I commited adultery on purpose to get out of a 28 yr. marriage to a nut and to leave the organization at the same time. It is not something I wouldn't recommend unless you are 100 percent sure that this is what you need to do for the sake of your mental and emotional and physical well being. And if that is the case then go with your heart. Please be assured that you will undoubtably go through some literal physical discomfort. I say this because I had pains around my chest. This descion is a drastic change especailly if you have been a witness for a long time and been in a longtime marriage. I was in the org. for 37 yrs. It took many weeks of tears to get a grip on what I was about to do . I use to sit in the bathtub crying, pleading with Jehovah to help me to know what to do. My ex husband was a fanatic who had no time for his son or me, for that matter he was too busy trying to safe the world of mankind. He was one of a kind let me tell you, it would take me a volume or two to tell you my story about me life. I am just trying to show you NightWing there will be a lot to initial anguish, but if you feel that you can no longer live under your circumstances and your survival and sanity are dependant on it then go for it. But let me recommend to you, that you visit your family doctor, and seek his advise as to how you can deal with your health (mental) can take it and seek out counselling with a social worker or therapist and if need be an emergency shelter these organizations are emmencely helpful and will support your descion and direct you in your life, Believe me they are very helpful when you have decided to leave the organization. because most of them believe that the JWs are a cult. I don't know all your circumstances like if you have children.etc. If you are determined to go through with your choice I wish you well and peace of mind and heart. You can email me anytime or anyone can email I am always willing to listen. Confedentuality is assured in private.
  

  HINDSIGHT IS 20/20
  PROCRASTINATION IS THE THIEF OF TIME!!
• 

  LittleToe

  I stumbled across 1 Cor.7:15 yesterday, and it sparked something in me.
  I was reminded of it, by this thread, and looked at a few commentaries.
  I will qualify these statements with the fact that the conscience has the ability to destroy you psychologically. Any course of action has to be weighed up with the consequences.

  1 Cor.7:15 (NWT):
  But if the unbelieving one proceeds to depart, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not in servitude under such circumstances, but God has called YOU to peace.

  John Wesley's Explanatiory Notes
  1Co 7:15 - A brother or a sister - A Christian man or woman. Is not enslaved - is at full liberty. In such cases: but God hath called us to peace - To live peaceably with them, if it be possible.

  Robertson's Word Pictures
  Is not under bondage (ou dedoulwtai). Perfect passive indicative of doulow, to enslave, has been enslaved, does not remain a slave. The believing husband or wife is not at liberty to separate, unless the disbeliever or pagan insists on it. Wilful desertion of the unbeliever sets the other free, a case not contemplated in Christ's words in Mat_5:32; Mat_19:9. Luther argued that the Christian partner, thus released, may marry again. But that is by no means clear, unless the unbeliever marries first.

  Jamieson, Fausset and Brown's Commentary:
  brother or a sister is not under bondage--is not bound to renounce the faith for the sake of retaining her unbelieving husband [HAMMOND]. So Deu_13:6; Mat_10:35-37; Luk_14:26. The believer does not lie under the same obligation in the case of a union with an unbeliever, as in the case of one with a believer. In the former case he is not bound not to separate, if the unbeliever separate or "depart," in the latter nothing but "fornication" justifies separation [PHOTIUS in Æcumenius].

  John Gill's Exposition of the Entire Bible:
  1Co 7:15 - But if the unbelieving depart,.... If the unbelieving party, man or woman, separate themselves from the believing party on account of religion, and in hatred to it, and will not live with the believer unless Christ is denied, his Gospel abjured, and his ordinances and worship relinquished:

  let him depart; he or she, though not without making use of all proper means to retain them; but if, after all, they will go, unless such things are complied with as are unreasonable and sinful, they are not to be held, but let go; and the deserted person may sit down contented, being not to be blamed, the fault entirely lying upon the deserter:

  a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. The Ethiopic version reads it, "to such an one"; one that is called by grace a church member, and so a brother or sister in Christ, is not to be subject to an unbeliever in matters of conscience, in things appertaining to the worship of God, and the service and glory of Christ; nor, being in such circumstances, that either Christ must be forsaken, or the unbeliever will depart, are they obliged to yield to such an one, but rather suffer a departure; nor are they bound to remain unmarried, but are free to marry another person, after all proper methods have been tried for a reconciliation, and that appears to be impracticable; desertion in such a case, and attended with such circumstances, is a breach of the marriage contract, and a dissolution of the bond, and the deserted person may lawfully marry again; otherwise a brother, or a sister in such a case, would be in subjection and bondage to such a person:
• 

  singsongboi

  didn't michael jackson confess (to the elders in his "congregation") to having sex with a 'girl' in the back of his rolls royce --

  but, some of us then thought, that he wanted divorce from Jws!!!!
• 

  SixofNine

  If for some reason you wanted to stay in the congregation, Seeker4's advice is pretty good. One caveat, however: often elders look at the guilty party's desire to stay or leave the marriage as an indication of repentance.

  If that is the course you choose, you have to act as if you want to do everything you can to keep the marriage together, while at the same time NOT having sex, till all judicial action is finished.
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  closer2fine

  Why can't you just say you did? With a stranger you met in a bar, or a worldly friend that agrees to collaborate your story?

  closer

  Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
  Sand and water, and a million years gone by - beth nielsen chapman
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  SixofNine

  For that matter... you're right, Closer. But where is the fun in that?
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  think41self

  Don't forget, they can throw that little curveball at you that if your mate wants to take you back...even after you've told them you strayed and want out of the marriage...you're supposed to go back to them. [8>]

  Screwy religion. I couldn't find any scriptural reference for that one either.

  think41self

  If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself!