need your advice again, please

by outsmartthesystem 65 Replies latest jw friends

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  jamiebowers

  Ynot:

  With all due respect Jamie....

  Unless he gets sole custody...(but even then it would be a battle because the kids are already JW-indoctrinated)

  He could lose them forever to even stricter JW thinking since their mother will feel even more compelled to 'protect' them from him/world via indoctrination.

  His lil 5 year old's comments show she is already quite able to 'make a stand for Jehovah' and that sort of dedication at that age (minus coaching as his wife denies) is a very strong indication that she would resist him and probably blame him.

  I was a little uberite-JWchild similar (but probably more hardcore) to what he describes of his 5 year old's comments.

  He can win his child's trust back far faster and easier than his wife and begin to gently teach her the critical thinking skills.

  Best to let the fire die to embers instead of intensifying them when it can be avoided.......if not he will only end up in divorce court and the kids will become pawns for the rest of their childhood (if not the rest his life).

  Again the WTS is betting heavy on his giving up, becoming indignant or self-destructing.

  Please see this thread: http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/230187/2/and-a-new-wrinkle
• 

  outsmartthesystem

  "Don't be fooled by thinking the elders will "not" DF you unless you have a cunning way of getting around it. There will be bottom line questions they will HAVE TO ask you. "

  I get that. Though I do think it is amazing that my father, who completely ripped the CO and PO new arseholes for serving a corrupt man made cult didn't get DFd......yet my cousin who had pre-marital sex and "demonstrated repentence" did. To tell you the truth.....I am getting to the point where I just don't give a damn if I get the boot anymore

  "The WTS is more than willing to watch/encourage your family to break apart and make you the villian."

  It never ceases to amaze me that the people can put so much trust in an organization for safety......without knowing that it is the organization that creates the need for such feelings of "safety". It truly is just like the movie Tangled. They live in their tower and trust "mother"...while blaming everyone else for their troubles......having no idea that it is only a false sense of security they get from "mother"....and that "mother" is the true cause of their problems.

  "Have you gotten a college degree?"

  Yes. Her dad asked her not to marry me because I wasn't following "the faithful slave's counsel".
• 

  outsmartthesystem

  "The five year old's preoccupation with meeting pretend is normal, and let me tell you, as a mother myself, don't try to come between your kids and their mother. You will lose at this point, and they'll really resent you. I was in the organization for over thirty years, and have seen the kid who, at five, eight, ten, twelve, was gung ho for the WTS, then when the teens hit, developed outside interests and the WTS was no longer on top.

  Why does your wife HAVE to no longer believe? You want the choice to be free to believe as you wish, so allow her the same. Tone down the worry for the kids right now.

  I have lived for sixty years and can tell you that patience is called for. Things are not dire at this point. You have time....."

  Thanks, Quandry

  "I suspect you are both strong-minded people, which might have been your mutual attraction in the first place"

  Yup. That's why we fight so much
• 

  jgnat

  There's something you get from your back-and-forth. Keep in mind she gets something from it, too. I understand this about relationships because both hubby and I need a bit of repartee as well. I learned something watching my hubby interact with his completely hedonistic sister. He loves being railed upon! It's attention! He gets it!

  My daughter, who was raised in a single parent home where harmony was valued above all else, doesn't get it. She asks me why I wind him up, that our bickering is giving her a headache, and so on.

  We're having fun!

  I think if you don't make a strong showing, she will interpret it as weakness. The trick, of course, is to keep it fun. No low blows.

  How I deal with the cult personality while inserting a bit of repartee, is to be calm and non-threatening most of the time. Be generous with our time outside of the meetings. I also avoid engaging him when he comes back directly from the meeting (cult-personality in full force). BUT THEN when the society comes out with something singularly outrageous, I cry foul! My words are a virtual avalanche, demolishing everything in its path that I swear my hubby thoroughly enjoys. He has even suggested to an elder here or there that they should ask me directly what I think. He'd sit back just to enjoy the show.

  I did, once. It was about Witness children and secondary education, and it had been the theme of the public talk that day. I gave an elder both barrells after the meeting and he responded with some platitude, something about it being an "individal choice." That elder gave me wide berth after that.
• 

  Black Sheep

  A quote from our newbie member, bdub.

  Have small discussions at appropriate times.
• 

  etna

  outsmart, if you meet with the elders, I'd get your wife to be with you and see how they cannot answer questions.

  Etna