Cult Life - Disposable Relationships

by cog_survivor 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  rebel8

  I don't have a normal family and had evil people as my dub "friends" (in general), so maybe my opinion is out of whack.

  Having said that...I often wonder if some of the trepidation about losing relationships is the result of brainwashing. After all, relationships with the dubs are disposable to a certain degree. Obviously painful, and a normal person would go through a serious grieving process, but it's not something you "can't take". Can't imagine maybe, but not "can't cope with".

  The sun will rise tomorrow and there are billions of others on the planet with whom one can be close. Dubbery insists there are no friends like 'thee Friends', only walking dead prostitutes/rapists/Devil worshippers/etc. That is patently false, though it seems to be the basis for all the worry about getting dfd.

  I'm guessing the bonds between a normal parent and a minor child would be one exception, though again, I have no personal experience with that so I don't know.

  It's pretty typical of us humans to strive for all the benefits of a choice and none of the consequences. With this fading business, it seems to rise to malignant levels for some reason.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  While it is often the case, I don't think it is "almost universal"
  that either you are one of us, or you are not, either in or out,
  with us or against us.

  There is middle ground in many cases. Genuine bonds of family are
  often maintained across a fade, sometimes even across a DF or DA.

  But with dangerous mind control cults, there is no telling. Some
  members uphold the tiniest sliver of rules because it's "God's
  organization."

  I will say that the vast majority of faders seem to lose JW friends
  if not family. It's too much of a strain to maintain the friendship
  across the rules and across the differences in the faders.

  My wife is told that I have succumbed to "satan's world" but she sees
  that I am the same person, with the same mind and that I am just as
  trustworthy and sound-of-mind as ever. My mother has a rule not to
  ever discuss "spiritual" things and she breaks the rule all the time
  to tell me about how so-and-so came back to "the truth" or how she
  learned something important at the assembly. But she pretends that
  everything is normal between us, and in many ways it is normal because
  our relationship is almost entirely based on things that have nothing
  to do with religion and spirituality.
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  rip van winkle

  I'm beginning to think that a disposable relationship is a good thing, afterall.

  How many things in common did I have with these "friends" aside from believing we had the TRUTH.

  An occassional meal shared, few and far between,

  When I came into the Cong. there were alot of older people.

  Most of my age group were married, And it was a very cold, unfriendly cong, Lots of family clique's.

  If I WOULD HAVE initially met them outside of the KH, we would never have become friends. Only one. And I already said Goodbye-they just didn't realize.

  I would say that there is one for sure and maybe 1 or 2 others that I will miss, Now, if I could say Goodbye so easily to those i HAD A CONNECTION WITH ON DIFFERENT LEVELS, after my involvement with JW's, HOW HARD WOULD THIS BE?

  I'll get over it. The movin on is the tough part because of the state of my health, age and how difficult it is to meet people due to my circumstances.

  But, I cannot fade for years- I think I could successfully fade in the by the end of the year-if not sooner.

  My fade has begun. I'm not going to be able to spend years of my life pretending I believe,

  When I go, I go. No turning back.

  I'm not going to grieve over this. I will just have to learn how to make new friends or just adjust without any.
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  Broken Promises

  Congrats Rip, for finally making the decision to leave for good.

  It's not easy making new friends, but I know that "worldly" people are more genuine and open in their friendships than JWs ever could be.

  Good luck.
• 

  rip van winkle

  Thanks Broken Promises for your support, I really appreciate it!!!