Yeah
Need Advice Please: My Sister Making Fool Of Herself
by CrimsonBleu 25 Replies latest jw friends
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Joe Grundy
Now we're cooking on gas!
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CrimsonBleu
OMG! YAY! I am so sorry! I could not get the darn post to show. I really did not want Google Chrome either, but hey, I have three browswers now...NOW
On to my original post: Read on... and thank you for you patience...
I have a familial problem that has been going o way too long and is JUST about over..except one little bit I need advice on:
Sister A and Sister B are Jehovah Witness but cannot get along at all. Me, (sister C) is out of the religion as of early 80's , and happily so. I, sister C, have full 100% care of our elderly Mom here in my home for the last almost three years now.
Sister A had complete 100% control of all of mom financial stuff for all this time up until about 3 weeks ago, when she (due to upcoming surgery and her not so good emotional and mental state) told me that she was turning all that over to me and would not interfere my trying to care for mom any longer. (You see, she did interfere by monitoring every single thing Mom got with her debit card) and make sure I, and my family were not 'using' moms money for things ourselves. Well, we didn't hardly put much on Moms debit card, and the rest of her care was out of our own funds. We didn't mind, just to avoid a conflict, it was well worth it! But Sister A would set aside 750.00 to 1000.00 a month in a separate account for moms 'needs' should they arise. Fair nuff. There is just short of 10,000 in there now, maybe about 8000.00 It doesn't matter. When I adde3d all the deductions to sister A's checking account going back just 18 months, there was a total of 11,90.00 set aside. But, that is still not the main thing here.
What matters is that all this time, Sister A, has been sending emails to Sister B (who lives far away from here, and telling her lots of not so nice things about me. (All stemming from the fact that I am apostate anyway, so it just serves to show) and of course, these things are not true at all. It's been going on for almost three years now.
Sister A, who has been telling my other sister (B) the lies, has no idea yet that I know all the things she says. She tells sister B I would spend all Moms money if I had control of it. That there is fighting, and troubles here. (Nope, none of that going on) ....Stuff like that. BUT on the other hand, she tells sister B that Mom gets very good care here, and that is the reason she allowed me access to Moms money now. And also that she just can't deal with it any more. . (Neither A or B are in condition to care for Mom and I like it anyway.) Also, up until recently we took care of mom with our own resources while sister A socked Moms money away.
Now, here is the place where I need advice: Now that I have access to Moms finances, I can see everything Sister A did to slide Moms money over to another account. I have obtained Power of Attorney since this time too and am responsible for Moms finances in a much deeper level now. Sister A will not let that money out of her hands. BUT that is not the problem here either, not exactly.
The problem is with Sister A and her lying and all the deceit and meddling and trouble making she has caused for both me and Sister B. In a recent correspondence from sister B to me, (we share emails so we can both see what mischievous sister A is doing to play us against each other) sister a told her that I now have control of moms money and she let me have it cos she just can't do it anymore. But she did put aside about 10,000 for Mom and that she was not letting me have it. THEN she told sister B that I had gotten about 12,000 to 15,000 dollars of Moms money already!
Whhoooaaaa, Nelly! What? WTH! That was preposterous. I called sister B and sighed into the phone...."what can we do to stop her!" and sister B just said, "I don't know! I know that is not true" And then she went on to state that it was for Jehovah to deal with and to just let it be.
NO! I am not waiting on God to take care of this when he gave me a perfectly good head., heart and soul, but for the LIFE of me, I do NOT know how to handle this.
Soooo, I email sister A last night and asked her why she told sister B I had a lot of moms money (without divulging I knew every detail of the correspondence) and she wrote back madder that H that sister B would even say anything to me like that! Then she sent a letter to sister B asking who's side is she on and never to talk to her again!
Okay, I know, I KNOW this is junior high BS. Truly I do. And I want it it END. I have put up with sister A over the years because of Mom. She is 85 and it would break her heart to know all this BS flies around behind her back and that a daughter she loves is causing problems for others in the family. So I kept my mouth shut.
How can I get this situation stopped and get sister A to STOP and leave us alone so we can be at peace and take care of our family without her interference?
I want her OUT of my life once and for all. I want NO ties to her, as she claims she wants of me too, but she has MOMS money and that is NOT RIGHT. She took it and hid it. It is MOMS money and I am now POA and want to get mom things she needs. Sister A has no rights to keep it from her, or me. She just wants the control. She just want to stir crap up. I want it to end.
This isn't the first time I have complained about my sisters on here, but I at least respect my sister B for she has been honest and forthright all along. We cannot trust sister A at all.
Advice?
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
"And then she went on to state that it was for Jehovah to deal with and to just let it be."
Tell your sister that you just spoke to Jehovah and he recommended that you find a good attorney. He doesn't like seeing elderly people being taken advantage of and is hoping that "Satan's system" will sort out this terrible injustice toward your mother.
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mrsjones5
Talk to an attorney. If you have power of attorney now I don't see how it's possible that your sister can hold on to that 10,000 legally.
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jgnat
First of all, grieve the loss of a sister. Develop some emotional distance from sister A.
Second, ask sister B to keep to herself any future missives from sister A, unless it is something criminal. You both have figured out she is toxic. You don't need the stress.
Third, find out legally what you can do to have the ten thousand dollars transferred to your mother's estate.
I suspect that sister A, other than her toxic mouth, won't be an active player in family affairs any longer. She has her own health issues to worry about.
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PaintedToeNail
Are you willing to put yourself through the emotional stress that will be forced upon you for that money? If you are, then definitely consult a lawyer. If you are not up to it, then just write your sister off, and never have anything to do with her again. Sometimes peace of mind is worth far more than money.
Whatever you decide to do, best wishes to you, your mom an your family.
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CrimsonBleu
PaintedToeNail, I don't see how that stress would be any diferent than what I have been through all these years so far.
I think that money should be easily available for the things mom has held back from. I'd like to see Mom picking her own bedding, buying her own clothing, ordering some nice things from catalogs if she wants. Maybe redecorating her little corner of the world where she has her own space here in our home. It's time she does what SHE wants with it. Not Sister A for her. Or me, or even Sister B. In fact to tell you the truth, that money may be down to just a few thousand by now...we don't know. I think all three of us sisters should have ability to monitor it, with Mom choosing what she wants done and me executing all that for her.
I do want to confront my sisier A. I want to rip her a new one, tell her everything, lay all the evidence out in a long letter so she can read and re-read, and see first hand how I have kept all the emails with all the nasty things she said. I want to tell her that she can be charged for Medicaid fraud cos Medicaid recently approved a one month stay in a nursing home that SISTER A put her in. I got her out! Mom did not need to go in! It was a control thing!
When Mom came out, Sister A realized she messed up. She realized Mom did belong here. And that is part of the reason why I now have access to Moms bank account and statements.
I need to get Sister A out of my face, and Moms money in her possession. Yes, I think an attorney is in order, but the cost! Oh my. I wonder what that might be.
What would Jesus do?
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
"What would Jesus do?"
Well, since Jesus died at 33 years old, I wouldn't talk to mom about what he would do.
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Ding
I agree with Jgnat.
If Sister A is going to bad mouth you to people, you can't stop it.
As far as your mom's money is concerned, consult a lawyer.