by tenene 18 Replies latest jw friends
Quitt while in good standing, and try to remain in that state as long as possible. come up with endless excuses like working overtime/multiple jobs, hopefully until the elders give up on you.
After all they couldn't DF one if there is no evidence of apostacy or breaking of any JW policy.
My son is still in and I need and want to have a normnal relationship with him.
Does that mean if your son is still in the KH 20-30 years from now (assuming that JWs are still shunning), you will still be , uh, fading? At what point does fading become, just standing in place?
" The hardest thing about the road not taken is that you never know where it might have led."
- Lisa Wingate
I have given my wife fair warning that my "fade" will to last forever. . . . it will come to and end. Not in decades, but perhaps a few years at most.
In the meantime, I am hoping that (with some help) she will come to the right conclusion herself. But when she finally does - it's going to go FAST=====>
Instant. Always.
Can they DA you when you just quit cold turkey? To be clear assume that all attempts that elders and people in the cong to engange socially or talk are completely ignored. We all know that "engange socially or talk" is just a pretext to have an opportunity to hammer in more nails of guilt. So if you never give them any evidence of why you stopped going what can they really do?
I did a very fast fade. I resigned my priviledges, got the book study out of the house, then I went from 60 to 0 in about 6 months.
As stated above...it varies from person to person. I am doing a semi instant slow fade. LOL. Basically stopped all field service and commenting but still go to meetings about 2/3 of the time and report made up hours. They want to have a sheparding call with me but I will continue to shoot that down. It's not hard emotionally bacause I stopped caring a long time ago what the other people in the hall think. I have family that are in and a few of those family members, I love dearly and don't want to put them through me being dfed again. So I will always be identified by some in our city as a witness since I'm somewhat well known. So lowing everyone's expections of me, occasionally sporting a beard to meeting, yet being the kind energetic person everyone has always liked is working out great for me. They all know what's up but can't do a thing about it. Other than condemn me in their hearts but we all know the JWs are always judging each other adversely so really makes no difference.
JWs are always judging each other adversely so really makes no difference
So true. When you realize that at any level in the cong- elder, servant, pioneer, publisher- you are being constantly surveilled and judged, it makes it just that much easier to drop out.
tenene:
There is no such thing as an "instant fade" unless you are referring to disassociation or disfellowshipping. But, if I had to guess, I would say doing it quickly would have the least effect emotionally (in the long run) assuming you are NOT losing family or business $$$. The reason I say "in the long run" is because nobody gets away unscathed. There is always an emotional element to it even if you weren't popular. It is just when it is instant and you know all the calls and inquiries will stop dead in their tracks, the pain is shortened.
Whereas, if somebody does a "slow fade" there are always inquiries and hope you will "come back". But, I am sure if enough years pass the JWs know you are really "out".
The bottom line: It is not a "one size fits all". It varies from person to person and what their circumstances are and nobody should be made to feel they have to "out" themselves if the stakes are very high and the time isn't right. I feel sorry for anybody who has to "fake" it for family. I would be sick to my stomach.
Also, nobody should feel they have to be an activist against the religion in any sort of public way if this is not who they "are". Some people have serious health issues relating to their bad experience in the religion and this would only take their last bit of peace away. It is their privilege to fade away however they want.
Sheep2slaughter:
You are right that they are always "judging" everybody and wow was I judged and panned by these idiots! This made it easy for me to "fade" because they weren't my friends anyway and why would I care now what they think?
