by nightwing02 23 Replies latest jw friends
Termite,
there's NO SUCH THING as rape within a marriageIs this really the case?? I've been out for awhile, do they really not recognize this type of violent power play inside a marriage??? I would appreciate it you or anyone else knows if this is a policy of the WTS and where the information can be verified. This blows my mind!
Thanks,
Dana
since when does someone remain in good standing in the cong when they commit adultery? That's a new one on me.
They may not get DF'd if they are truly repentant, but that does not mean in good-standing does it?
I heard a case, yes straight from the horses mouth.
This guy was being appointed an elder.
His wife complained to the body of elders, that her hubby, soon to be or already appointed was in the habit of watching porn videos, not to mention that he beat her too.
He used the excuse that she withheld sex from him. she says she didn't.
They basically said, well a man's got to do something, they have to have some outlet.
And they appointed him anyway. I think one of the things they used also was that a wife shouldn't correct her husband.
He is now DF'd for adultery. She divorved him.
Interesting thread. I thought it was going to take a different turn though. I have always been told by my mother and family that to deny a husband his 'marital due' was a sin. Though I dont ever remember hearing it was punishable it was clearly wrong. There is a scripture somewhere that admonishes wives not to be 'withholding the marital due' or something like that and I never took it the way they did but my mom and sisters always told me that mean you had to give it to them when they wanted it. My mother always lived by that rule just as firmly as she did the ones that said he was her 'head'. Guess thats why shes been pregnant 11 times.
flower
Termite writes:
there's NO SUCH THING as rape within a marriage
Dana writes:
Is this really the case?? I've been out for awhile, do they really not recognize this type of violent power play inside a marriage??? I would appreciate it you or anyone else knows if this is a policy of the WTS and where the information can be verified. This blows my mind!
Yes, unfortunately, this IS the case among JWs. They seem to think it's far better for a man to force his own wife to have sex with him, than for him to go out and commit adultery. They do not recognize that a wife has the right to say "No" to her husband's advances. They use the scripture at 1Corinthians 7:1-5 to justify their behaviour: Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it si well for a man not to touch a woman; yet, because of prevalence of fornication, let each man have his own wife and each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to [his] wife her due; but let the wife also do likewise to [her] husband. The wife does not exercise authority over her own body, but her husband does; likewise, also, the husband does not exercise authority over his own body, but his wife does. Do not be depriving each other [of it], except by mutual consent for an appointed time, that you may devote time to prayer and may come together again, that Satan may not keep tempting you for your lack of self-regulation.
They take the underlined portions very seriously, and seem to conveniently ignore the rest of the scripture that outlines the wife's rights to "mutual consent".
Women, surprisingly, make up almost 70% of all JWs. How they can sit there and just take this load of crap is beyond me. The sheer numbers could overthrow this cult in no time if every JW female stopped allowing themselves to be victimized by these misogynistic ignoramii.
Just my 2ยข
Love, Scully
My ex used to coerce me - shoving scriptures down my throat and demanding his "due". He took what he wanted when he wanted. He too refused to see the "mutal consent" part and claimed that I would be responsible if he committed adultery. I was so brainwashed that I bought into it. And most of the time did it just to get him to leave me alone for a while.
Elders didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with him forcing me to take care of his needs on demand. That included forcing me to have sex while I was in a cervical collar and on heavy duty pain medication - while pregnant and under doctor's orders to abstain from sex and trying to force anal sex on me. This went on for fifteen years and he was an elder for the last 8 of those.
It didn't help that I had been sexually abused as a child and had been taught from a very early age that you give men what they want or they just take it - forcably if necessary. Elders didn't seem to think my physical and emotional state or past history required and special consideration.
Even after we separated the elders amintained I still had a responsibility to perform.
So I found my own way out and stopped the insanity in my life.
Rejoice in the healing and not in the pain.
Rejoice in the challenge overcome and not in the past hurts.
Rejoice in the present - full of love and joy.
Rejoice in the future for it is filled with new horizons yet to be explored. - Lee Marsh 2002
Scully,
Thanks for your response, I do appreciate it and, of course, from when I was in, I remember that particular scripture very well!!! However, and forgive me if I'm being dense here, but this is just unbelievable!...so IF a man FORCES his wife, with violence, to perform the 'marital due'(geez I hate that term!), perhaps even beating her in the process, the elders do not consider this rape??!! If the woman reports his abuse to the police and he's arrested, what then? How do the elders deal with such a case? They would allow him to remain in good standing??(another hated term!)
Dana(who's blood is coming to a slow boil)
((((LadyLee)))),
My heart goes out to you!! How awful to have endured that! And you are so right about the mindset of an abuse survivor, thinking that one must give in, no matter how immoral the demands, or be forced to do so.
And just when I thought my disgust for the WTS could get no deeper...
Dana
Dana she wouldn't go to the police - to do so would bring shame on the org - conditioning is strong to maintain a good facade. And the elders would push her to be quiet - just like they do with pedophiles
Rejoice in the healing and not in the pain.
Rejoice in the challenge overcome and not in the past hurts.
Rejoice in the present - full of love and joy.
Rejoice in the future for it is filled with new horizons yet to be explored. - Lee Marsh 2002
Lady Lee,
Holy smokes but you're right!! Geez, I didn't even think about that. Huh, I don't think like a dub anymore!!! And that's a good thing, a wonderful thing, even but it didn't occur to me that she would be greatly pressured to be silent and accept whatever 'counsel' she was given. God, this makes me sick!
Dana
Dana:
Thanks for your response, I do appreciate it and, of course, from when I was in, I remember that particular scripture very well!!! However, and forgive me if I'm being dense here, but this is just unbelievable!...so IF a man FORCES his wife, with violence, to perform the 'marital due'(geez I hate that term!), perhaps even beating her in the process, the elders do not consider this rape??!! If the woman reports his abuse to the police and he's arrested, what then? How do the elders deal with such a case? They would allow him to remain in good standing??(another hated term!)
I was part of another xjw support group on MSN, and one of the recurring themes among the women was the reign of terror their husbands had over them. One experience that struck me in particular was a woman whose husband (an elder) would beat the living crap out of her and force her to to have sex whenever and where ever he wanted. She went to some other elders in the congregation for advice, and they told her that to leave him would be a sin and bring reproach on the congregation. When he found out (because we know these "counselling sessions" are "confidential" - [8>] yeah right!!) she'd again get the snot beaten out of her. It was a cycle that repeated itself many times. Finally, she escaped and went to a neighbour's house. Instead of trying to work things out with her, he headed a judicial committee against his own wife, and she was summarily disfellowshipped on grounds of adultery, without being able to defend herself. Two weeks later, he married another woman in the congregation. He poisoned his own children against their mother. She hasn't been able to see or speak to them in years, they refuse to have anything to do with her.
Sadly, if it's been allowed to happen once, it's happened far more frequently.
It's ok if it makes your blood boil, it does the same to mine!!
Love, Scully
