So what are the signs that indicate that people are in a "toxic relationship"?
Particularly in relation to those stuck in the org still.....
Signs you are in a "toxic relationship"....?
by stuckinarut2 13 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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Becksi
Is this a rhetorical question? Do you think you're in a toxic relationship? Discuss! ;) -
Giordano
These are 5 signs that you are in a toxic relationship:
1. It seems like you can’t do anything right.
The other person constantly puts you down as not good enough.
2. Everything is about them and never about you.
3. You find yourself unable to enjoy good moments with this person.
4. You’re uncomfortable being yourself around that person.
You don’t feel free to speak your mind. You have to put on a different face just to be accepted by that person. You realize you don’t even recognize yourself anymore, and neither do your closest friends and family.
5. You’re not allowed to grow and change.
It’s important that if you’re feeling uncomfortable or unsettled in the relationship that you not wait around until the effects of the misery settle into depression. Taking any action is the best medicine.
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flipper
Good question. In Steve Hassan's 3rd book titled " Freedom of Mind- Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs " he delves into some of this you mention. His website is : www.freedomofmind.com.
There can be a lot of signs that people are in a toxic relationship . Some are that they continue to stay in a relationship where they personally have NO control and have to give in constantly to the other partner. Or they stay in a physically, spiritually, or mentally abusive relationship and allow themselves to be at the receiving end of that abuse from an abusive partner. A co-dependency can occur where an innocent partner supports another partners alcoholism, drug abuse, violence, or sexual abuse of children - without holding the guilty party accountable for his or her actions. Thus the toxicity of the relationship continues.
As regards the WT organization - it mirrors personal toxic relationships in that there is one dominating party that benefits from the relationship - the WT Society- and not the rank and file JW's. WT Society has free reign over the lives of JW's and has no "checkpoints " in place to assure mental, physical, or emotional abuse doesn't occur. The elders may be " appointed " as checkpoints in the congregations - but they are about as useless as tits on a boar hog. They instruct JW women to stay with husbands that are abusive , either to the wife or children, even to the point that many JW women have stayed with JW men who have abused children, even their own children. THAT is pretty toxic. And in general JW's are instructed to give, give, and give more to the point of exhaustion in field service, parts at meetings, financially strapping their families in attending district conventions - to where people are exhausted with nothing left to give ! Then once they sit down for a second to breathe they are told to " put the kingdom first " and give MORE ! Who benefits ? Not rank & file JW's - WT Society does.
The toxicity of the WT Society directives and instructions to members continues in more serious areas - not allowing members to have life saving blood transfusions, shunning of DFed or inactive relatives causing some former members to commit suicide, refusal to report child abusers to police for punishment or refusal to protect congregation members from child abusers , discouraging and condemning higher education or going to college for young people, and promising " everlasting life in a paradise earth " when it's just imagination and WT leaders cannot deliver on that false promise. I this behavior all toxic enough to cause people to see the need to leap out of the WT or JW organization as the good ship Titanic ( WT Society ) gradually plunges to the depths of toxic oceans ? I think it's a very good damned reason to leave . So- this is kind of how I see toxicity happening to people on a personal and organizational level
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Becksi
Apologies, I hope my previous comment didn't seem flippant. My husband was in a seriously toxic relationship (neither JW), a few years before we met. I just asked him if the signs that Giordano listed were exhibited in his relationship and he said they all were.
Excellent points made by Flipper also.
Are you happy?
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My Name is of No Consequence
@ Giordano:
1. Check
2. Check
3. Check
4. Check
5. Check
It's funny how my relationship with my wife turned toxic after learning TTATT.
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Heaven
I have been in toxic relationships.
If you are not being treated with respect, if you are being abused in some way, then you are in a toxic relationship.
My experience has been that you have to leave these because the other person or persons exacting the abuse will never change or stop. They have issues they need to deal with and usually do not.
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Vidiot
If you feel more and more like someone else's accessory...
...you might be in a toxic relationship.
x
If you have to think twice before spending 5 bucks on a f**king hobby...
...you might be in a toxic relationship.
x
If the toilet seat becomes the flashpoint of an epic meltdown...
...you might be in a toxic relationship.
(For the record, I put the toilet seat down. I am not a monster.)
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stuckinarut2
I firmly believe that all of us who were "raised in the truth" were particularly victims of such a "toxic relationship".
This is even more harmful, as such "toxic" behaviour was forced apon us as children while were growing, hence it became "normal".....
We felt that life as a witness was "normal" or in fact "perfect", yet we never had a chance to see "the other side" until we became adults...and were often ill-prepared to handle the things we learned....
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SonoftheTrinity
I think this ties into the post I tried to start a few hours ago but that has not gotten any responses. I am in a relationship where I am being constantly belittled and made to feel that nothing I do is ever good enough. And instead of refusing to be verbally abused, I respond with even nastier verbal abuse. I am in a relationship with a narcissistic self-righteous person whose narcissism is encouraged by her faith. I have decided to fight narcissism with self-esteem. Every time my wife puts me or the children down and tries to hurt our self-esteem, "Mr Trinity refuses to be addressed in the 2nd person. "You're an idiot" is interrupted by "Mrs. Trinity owes Mr. Trinity Sr./Jr. an apology and Mr. Trinity is not to be addressed in the Second Person until an apology is forthcoming." followed by "Mrs. Trinity can talk to Mr. Trinity's hands because Mr. Trinity's ears are not listening." and continue to interrupt being addressed in the Second Person in order to protect myself from being verbally abused or being tempted to verbally abuse. What is known as illeism is a great armor against verbal abuse. My wife says its a "game", but I say that it is "having game".