Terry- it's so good to have you back at home! You're a very reflective thoughtful deep thinker. You brought up many reasons for your emotions. I started crying as soon as I read your OP.
Everything that you've personally experienced with your illness is still so tender. You have been through another ordeal in your life and have made it back. And your emotions are just a part of who you are and what you've experienced. Let the tears flow freely. Terry.
I held my tears for so long, Terry, because I thought that once I let my floodgates open, it would never stop.
It stops. And I found that there's nothing wrong with giving in to one's emotions as long as it's counterbalanced and not depression.
We're all getting older. The idea that I may never grow old is over.The processing of that is painful. My loss of loved ones is painful. The time lost is painful.
Then you step back and appreciate how precious time becomes. And while you have the health, time, strength and desire for something, you recognize that it shouldn't be squandered on insignificant things.( which I need to consider as I'm writing this)
Terry, the crying phase will pass.
It just seems that appreciation for living continues to grow as we get older, while the time to live it is lessened.
Maybe that's why everything just becomes more precious.
"Rip"