I've been shunned from my sister's wedding (page 2)

Scully

Hi Quotes:

When she says "My hands are tied", it makes me think back to my own wedding. My best friend was very disappointed that I didn't invite her to be my maid of honour, and the only reason I couldn't was because she was not baptized (raised a JW and her father was the PO in my home congregation). The elders in the congregation where we lived had basically told us that if she was not baptized, then we couldn't use the KH for the wedding and the brother doing the ceremony would not marry us. It was blackmail, pure and simple.

The same body of elders, 7 months later, allowed my husband's brother to get married there, with his newly baptized (2 weeks!) fiancee's worldly sister acting as maid of honour. Because the sister had never set foot in the KH before, and there were going to be worldly relatives at the wedding who might potentially start studying etc, they allowed this to take place.

In my case, allowing an unbaptized person to stand for me might have "stumbled" some "weaker" ones. In my sister-in-law's case, it opened the way for sharing The Truth™ with others. The decision is made solely for appearances' sake. I think it rather odd that your sister would invite your wife (I get the impression that your wife is a JW in good standing, otherwise, for appearances' sake you would both be invited, so as not to potentially offend a non-JW) and say she has to decide for herself whether to attend.

I think maybe the elders may have put some pressure on your sister, the same way they did to me. However, she does want you at the wedding, and to be in the photographs. She has not said that she does not want you at the reception, she has said that she "can't invite you". Maybe she's hinting that you should just show up anyway?? What would a wedding be if there was no photograph of the bride dancing with her brother??

I would understandably be hurt. I felt just awful when I had to tell my friend why she couldn't be my maid of honour, and felt even worse when her whole family refused to attend my wedding because of it.

This kind of nonsense shows how unchristian JWs can be, when this is supposed to be a day of happiness for two people in love.

Love, Scully

Quotes

Scully, thanks for your details reply.

Again, I apologize for not clarifying this in my original post: my lovely wife is Catholic, and has *NEVER* been a JW.

Just think about that. She's invited to the dinner and I'm not... man, is this messed up, or what!

Oh, and I agree, I read between the lines that she has been "instructed" that this is the way it must be, according to "what the Society says." However, I'm pretty sure that just showing up and the dinner/dance wouldn't work, I can see my father and oldest brother instructing me to leave, as it is a private party and I wasn't invited.

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Dutchie

I'd go. After all she is your sister and she loves you and you love her. She is doing the best she can within the scope of her belief system. It's sad, I know, but until changes are made within the organization these are the things we have to expect.

When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion. Abraham Lincoln

Quotes

Hey Scully, are you anywhere near Kingston, Ontario? If you are, maybe my wife and I could bring you to the ceremony as our guest (after all, KH's are public places, right?) and we could go for our own mini-Apostafest after.

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For interesting Watchtower Society literature quotes, complete with references but without any editorial, check out:
http://Quotes.JehovahsWitnesses.com

LB

I'll be honest about this situation. I have thought about it quite a lot before I responded. I would attend the wedding as you were invited to it. The supper later for your wife should be up to her. I'm sure she will not attend that.

You love your sister and she even will get some crap for inviting you to the wedding. Why not show her the unconditional love she isn't allowed to show you?

Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

Scully

Quotes writes:

Again, I apologize for not clarifying this in my original post: my lovely wife is Catholic, and has *NEVER* been a JW.
Just think about that. She's invited to the dinner and I'm not... man, is this messed up, or what!
Oh, and I agree, I read between the lines that she has been "instructed" that this is the way it must be, according to "what the Society says." However, I'm pretty sure that just showing up and the dinner/dance wouldn't work, I can see my father and oldest brother instructing me to leave, as it is a private party and I wasn't invited.

I wonder if maybe you could use a little 'reverse psychology' then??

What I mean is to help your wife write a "nice" letter to your sister, saying something to the effect that "I just don't understand how Jehovah's Witnesses can call themselves Jesus' true disciples, when they permit and encourage such unloving behaviour as what is being done to Quotes! It makes me NEVER want to get involved with a religion like that." Get her to use her own words, and say it in such a way that she sounds positively STUMBLED by their behaviour.

I'd be inclined to wager that she'll show that letter to your dad, your brothers and the elders, and an "exception" will be made.

Love, Scully

YoYoMama

Your sister said "Since you disassociated yourself".

That's right you knew the consequences to your actions. So what did you think would happen? That they would disrespect Jehovah is order to associate with you. Not if they want to remain faithful to God. Boo hoo now you want to be part of the family and be at the wedding. Very convenient.

Your sister adds: "you felt a lot of resentment, and I can't say that I wouln't have done the same thing. But I wish you didn't, and I pray every night that one day you'll take it back, and come back to Jehovah!"

That's not brainwashing dude, she's talking to you from her heart. I can tell her faith is strong, but in the end she'll be better off on Jehovahs side instead of yours. You have nothing to offer her but death.

Your sister then says "It's just one of the unfortunate consequences of the step you took, the life you chose. "

That's right she's telling it to you as it is. Now I know what you and your apostate friends will say "she's just brainwashed, blah blah blah". The same old excuse to everything a Witness says but the truth of the matter is that she knows what the Bible says and what Jehovah expects from her. You could learn a thing or two from your sister.

Mr Ben

Quotes,

I would tell her that as it isher special day, you want whatever she wants because you love her and want to do what makes her happy, and damn what anyone else thinks.

I believe this would accomplish 3 things:

- In your own conscience, you have done whatever she wanted, as you love her.

- In her mind you are the only person putting what she wants first – after all it is her big day.

- In her mind, you saying that you will do what she wants, you put the responsibility for asking you not to go on her shoulder – therefore she will not so easily be able to salve her conscience by saying to herself, “the elders/parents/Jehovah thought it was best.,” i.e. it wasn’t really her decision.

Ben

Religion n.
An organisation designed to promote atheism.

Nathan Natas

I am sorry for the pain this must cause you, Quotes.

I find it interesting that she says,

I cannot invite you to my reception, my hands are tied... but there is nothing I can do. It's just one of the unfortunate consequences of the step you took, the life you chose. But, since Kingdom Halls are public places, I can, and do, invite you to the ceremony.

HER hands are tied... there's nothing SHE can do...
but you see, this is YOUR fault.

She might as well say, "You know I'm crazy - I have to act this way - you MADE me act this way."

You aren't the one practicing shunning. Since you aren't, perhaps you should go to the "public" wedding ceremony.

Sometimes you gotta take crap from people you love, I guess. Maybe one day she and her husband will join your apostate revelry - or should that be reveille?

JBean

YoYo: What is your DEAL today???? I don't believe that Quotes has left God... he has left an IMPERFECT ORGANIZATION. I do not believe Jehovah wants us to shun/hurt our families and friends. He is not a criminal, for God's sake! Anyhow... while you're on this thread, I'm still interested in your comments from your committee meeting. Have you decided to post them yet? Jbean

I've been shunned from my sister's wedding

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