Non-JW Friends...

LDH

When you were active, or if you still are, did you all maintain non-JW friendships?

I've always kept some close friends who weren't JWs. But reading a
lot of the posts here, it's obvious so many feel/felt isolated.

So how have you kept a balance? The one thing i realized about 'worldly' people vs. JW's, they weren't the 'demons' I grew up thinking they were. I have been very lucky to have bonded with some WONDERFUL people, who have enriched my life in a million different ways.

How about you? And would you ever encourage your child to just have friends of one religion?

neyank

Hi LDH,
Yes. When I was an active JW,I did have some "worldly" freinds.
Of course there were also those who kept their distance once I started to preach to them.
I did try to keep a balance between having non Jw friends and Jws.
As far as my kids go. I try to teach them to look for the good in people. Whether they be in a certain religion or not.
The heart is the important thing.
Not what religion they are.
neyank

TR

I had non JW friends that I'd known from childhood, but the preaching thing kept 'em away.

TR

ianao

neyank,

As far as my kids go. I try to teach them to look for the good in people. Whether they be in a certain religion or not.

I am not a parent (need to grow up first), but that sounds like excellent parenting!

Prisca

The one thing i realized about 'worldly' people vs. JW's, they weren't the 'demons' I grew up thinking they were.

This is soooo true! I grew up with very much a "us & them"-type mentality. I was allowed to have some non-JW kids as friends, only because there weren't any other JW kids at my school. Even so, it was still stressed that they weren't as good as my "brothers & sisters in the truth".

So even though they knew me better than the other kids in the Hall, even though they were the only ones who supported me with the problems I went through as a kid (due to family sickness & death etc), even though they respected my religious beliefs, they were still to be seen as somewhat inferior to those that really were not true friends.

As an adult, I fully adhered to the "bad associations" thing and refused to develop friendships with people outside the JWs. I had guys at work interested in me, yet I turned up my nose to them, because "they don't love Jehovah".

So now that I'm inactive, I am very isolated in a social way. I have had to learn to develop friendships based on common interests and character, not just because they share the same religion. And that is a very hard thing to have to do as an adult. These people in the world have been doing it all their life, AND I'M LEARNING TO DO THIS AT THE AGE OF 30!!!! How warped is that????

So I am making new friends very, very slowly. I am very shy by nature, so it will take time. But I guess I have learned how to appreciate things for the second time around, including to value friends that are simply friends, and not religious associates.

Edited by - Prisca on 25 January 2001 4:43:46

thinkers wife

My parents were somewhat balanced in this area. ie They didn't subscribe to the "their worldly", a term which I have always hated.
But it was still limited.
Now because of my job situation it is not easy to meet people. I am self-employed and see the same people all the time. It is difficult to meet others and form relationships. Given the opportunity no problem, I am very much a people person.
TW
P.S. I have no children. But do have a step-daughter. I am always delighted when she talks about her friends. I wish she had more, she is shy. And now that she is almost thirteen she is showing an interest in boys. That too, delights me. So nice looking at it through the other end of the scope.

happytobefree

I can say that I never had many JW friends. Being raised a JW, I was always what many considered the rebel. And those corny JW gatherings that were monitored (is the person spiritual strong, don't invite too many, is the music wholesome, etc), was too hard for me to attend and I was not invited too many either. Then as an adult, I was still considered an outsider, because I was married to a WORLDLY man. So my JW friends consisted of mostly the elderly, the wife of the disfellowshipped husband, the single mother with tons of kids (who were all bad as you know what). But as Prisca stated my social skills with so-called worldly people were not that great (I looked at them as a little less worthy of my friendship).

But now that I'm totally inactive, I can say my base of friends have widened so greatly. I have met most of my friends through my children (who I'm reliving my childhood through). And anything I think I want to learn, know, or do (painting, knitting, Taw Kwon Do, etc), I find out where the class is being taught and sign right up. So I have met friends from different classes I have taken.

But the TRUTH of the matter, I see that friends (or at least associates) are everywhere I go, just last night I met a nice lady at my sons basketball game. We exchanged numbers and plan on having lunch together tommorow. Anyway if you want to meet friends, just be honest and tell them about your background of being a JW, and that you are looking for someone to help you fit into the REAL world and you will have to turn down many of the social intivations. (I've been invited to 6 Super Bowl parties)

I know I'm rambling, but I love this topic. My life outside of the Borg, has been so wonderful and busy (but I LOVE this activity). And even in the beginning of my journey of being freed, when I didn't have many friends, I enjoyed the freedom of being with myself and also learning about my WORLDly husband and my kids (JW don't have to time to REALLY know their families).

Well that's all I got to say about that.

Happy to be Free (Me)

peaceloveharmony

when i was growing up my parents limited the time i spent with worldly kids. forntunately, i went to a small school and i am a talker so i made friends easily at school. the tough part was having to explain why i couldn't come over after school or go to the birthday party or sleep over etc. i think i went over to worldly kids houses 4 times in my entire childhood. i was also fortunate to have a few girls my age at my hall. one of my best friends to this day is a witness(inactive) that i've known forever. when i left the jws my worldly school friends became very important to me. i think one thing that kept them close to me is that i never witnessed to them. i think they also saved me from turning into a totally f'ed-up 17 yr old tasting freedom for the first time. (i was just mildly f'ed-up for about 1 yr or 2) they were and still are some of my best friends. i try to tell them often how much i appreciated their friendship when i felt so lost and cut off from everyone else i knew.

when i have kids, i will stress to them the importance of the person and their heart---not what religion they practice.

love harmony

Edited by - peaceloveharmony on 25 January 2001 11:21:11

trevor

It can be very difficult for those brought up as strict witnesses to learn to make friends with worldlings later in life. I left the JWS when I was 30 and it took time to feel affection towards those who I had been brought up to view as worldlings who were about to be killied off.

To cope with the idea that all your school friends or teachers ,for example, are going to die, one develops a sort of emotional wall between worldlings. After many years of only feeling affection for thr brothers and sisters it can take real effort and a desire to reverse this.

I do not believe that people 'fall out of 'the truth'' I think they have to climb out.

trevor

It can be very difficult for those brought up as strict witnesses to learn to make friends with worldlings later in life. I left the JWS when I was 30 and it took time to feel affection towards those who I had been brought up to view as worldlings who were about to be killied off.

To cope with the idea that all your school friends or teachers ,for example, are going to die, one develops a sort of emotional wall between worldlings. After many years of only feeling affection for thr brothers and sisters it can take real effort and a desire to reverse this.

I do not believe that people 'fall out of 'the truth'' I think they have to climb out.

trevor

Non-JW Friends...

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