by JWdaughter 18 Replies latest jw experiences
Cancer is not now always a death sentence. I an an oncology nurse. Because your mother is getting rid of her possesions, she seems to be comtemplating the end of her life. Get her some help, maybe a social worker or someone
with this type of knowledge needs to speak with her. Cancer is a life-threating diagnosis, but not always a death sentence.
PHG
Might it help to give her a list of the reasons you value her being around for you? It has nothing to do with insurance money.
Wow, that's tough.
I would try and have a calm conversation and ask her point blank if she is thinking about ending her life. The hard part will be trying to maintain a calm and respectful tone. We can't control another person in the end.
-CF
She may have already come to that decision and has made peace with it.
Sometimes people who have struggled with depression, once they have made the decision to suicide, have a kind of transformation where they seem to be much happier, peaceful people - it's because they finally see an end to their pain and suffering.
The fact that she's sold her home and is looking for ways to spend the money that will benefit family members is a big red flag, imo.
The other thing would be to find out whether your mother has a plan for suicide and the means to carry out the plan. Does she have access to medication that, in combination with alcohol, would cause an OD or respiratory failure - something like sedatives, narcotics or antidepressants? Does she own a gun? Does she live in a highrise apartment with a balcony, or near a bridge, or near train or subway tracks? The major concern for me would be alcohol and pills - that is typically the method of choice of women - they don't want to leave a mess for others to have to clean up.
While JWs used to consider suicide as an unforgivable sin - unworthy of Resurrection™ - the current belief is that it is not possible to know the mental state of a person who is suicidal, and that their eligibility for Resurrection™ is in Jehovah's hands.
My suggestion to you would be to get in touch with her doctor, ASAP, and while the doctor may not be able to discuss your mother's medical information with you, you can inform her of your concerns and the doctor can assess your mother's status and refer her to a mental health professional if she feels that there is significant risk. That is, assuming that your mother will be seeing her doctor prior to your visit, to intervene sooner rather than later.
I am in talks with my sister about this now. She is indeed worried about the money left over after she is gone, distributing things, and all. I remember how she told me that she wished she had given my dad the gun like he asked her to when he was diagnosed and knew what he was in for (it was particularly fast and brutal-6 mos of excruiciating pain as he wasted away to nothing). She felt guilty for making him go through it. I don't know. I keep telling myself, that is nuts to even think mom would do such a thing-then I remember how that time during my dads illness and the years after felt. The thing is, she hasn't got a definitive diagnosis and she is acting in such a way as to not ever get one. I am hopeful that if she doesn't have an absolute clear diagnosis that she won't take action (as long as this doesn't affect her daily life ). But if that spot acts like cancer in any way that curtails her, I see her taking that as a definitive diagnosis and death sentence.
We have a little time before my visit and I know my mom DOES want to see me, so, thank God, I am sure she won't do anything imminently. I will see what my sister and brother (he has shunned me, so that communication will be through sister) think. He lives closest but is the most distant. My ex is involved too, and I will see how much I can discuss with him without breaking any confidences of my mom (by the way, this is a huge secret. ShHHHHH)
JWDaughter:
Dont despair too early. Over the time since your dad died, there has been a great change in how they are treating lung cancer.
I personally have an aunt who had her left lung operated on and that was 7 years ago, she is still with us, her oxygen levels are less but she stills shops, enjoys company, good food...the lung was removed.
ANother cousin again had his lung removed.. he has gone on to up north, returned home, working, that was 8 years ago
So its not all bad, just the shock, something like PTSD -- tell mom to look at all avenues and not to worry about the biopsy... it is uncomfortable but they have to know what type it is to treat it... time have changed dramatically in the cancer field. Her actions right now could probably be due to the fact she is so depressed, she will need some help thru that -the dr should be giving her something to help her but not in a great quantity, should she really want to commit suicide. Probably 10 pills every 10 days or so..
TL
Good news, my mom seems to have taken a chill pill and is now considering a biopsy, though I doubt that she will ever consider full out surgery. On a positive note, she doesn't seem depressed or worried. Her house sale may or may not go through and she isn't stressing on it (which I think she would be if she had plans to wrap things up right soon). So, I am encouraged. My mom is mostly a pragmatic woman, so I will hope that she is pragmatic and postitive rather than negative-because pragmatism could go either way. She sounded pretty positive the last time I talked to her.
And, she is going to make me (burnt, the way I like it)meatloaf, lumpy(our family tradition)mashed potatoes and the best gravy on the planet when I go to visit her, so I am really looking forward to going home. I think it will be a good, positive time and a lot of family togetherness. All that and my sisters carrot cake and "I" could die happy:) But I'd rather live for seconds!
(((JW DAUGHTER))) That sounds like a bit of positive information. At least she's considering the biopsy. Sending positive vibes your way. (I like well-done meatloaf too, aah the wonderfully blackened crunchy edges, yum) Leslie
YUM! We used to tease her that she needed to learn we liked the meatloaf well done, but NOT the biscuits (cause she tended to forget them too). I became the resident biscuit expert and we work together JUST fine. She doesn't burn pie! She is one outstanding pie baker. She hardly ever cooks these days, but I am hoping to cook for her! I am so excited that we will both welcome our new (great-for her) granddaughter together. That is a blessing her mom never got. Her mom died of lung cancer as a very young woman (42) and my mom had just had us when she was diagnosed. It took grandma 2 years and she got to love a couple of her grandchildren, but didn't even finsih raising her own children to adulthood. Now, my mom has been there for all of her grandkids and will get to see the next generation besides. I hope that is a hopeful "sign" to her. It really is such an amazing blessing. She already has nearly 30 years more on this earth than her mom and I think she kind of likes it:)
