My husband confuses me?

by BackRow 21 Replies latest social relationships

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  BackRow

  My husband confuses me. He says that he is a JW, but very

  Clearly enjoys the attention he gets from others on his birthday. Did I mention none of his friends, I mean, not one knows he is a Witness. He sends me The Daily Text via text message everyday, but him and his frat brothers f/undergrad just got back from Vegas last weekend (where they partied so hard he spent nearly $2,000 at bars and gambling trying to keep up with the likes of his doctor friends).

  He goes to meetings on some Weds and some Sundays, but that is about the extent of his Witnessing....he doesn't do field service. I feel like he is a Witness out of guilt and not wanting to disappoint his mother, who he adores.

  He is the most gentle, kind man I know.

  I just don't understand ....is this what Witnesses are REALLY like?

  It seems like a lot of work to live in these dual worlds , I used to go to the Hall with him and stuied w/ a sister too, but I lost interest after I saw the extent to which he hides his faith...I started going back to my own places of worship.
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  King Solomon

  Welcome.

  Your husband is a "Jack" JW. You answered why: he does it because he's locked into the JWs out of a fear of being shunned by his family if he were disfellowshipped (assuming he's a baptized JW). Even dissociating for non-baptized members places a hardship on them and their families, as they get the staring glances, etc.

  It sounds like he's not having too hard of a time of it (e.g. Vegas last weekend: there was an eye-doc conference, was that it?). Some people find it easier to lead "double lives" than others. He probably realizes JW's are BS, but takes the path of least resistance (in fact, receiving his part of the family inheritance may depend on his pretending to be a JW member; JWs are supposed to write their children out of the will if they leave "the Truth")....
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  DesirousOfChange

  Sounds like he enjoys the best of both worlds, that is, keeping Mommy happy faking it in JW World, and enjoying the good life in "The World".

  If all he got was the typical JW (lack of) education, can he really afford to "keep up" with his doctor friends' $2000 spending sprees?

  Doc
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  dreamgolfer

  Sounds like the kind of guy I wouldn't mind hangin out with, I love Vegas and spending "cake"

  does he need some new buddies?
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  jgnat

  Hi, I go to my own church and hubby attends the Kingdom Hall. Hypocrisy is rife in the Witness ranks. Believe me, he is much more afraid of the judgement of the Hall than anything that Jehovah may have in store. That means make a good appearance but if no-one is watching he has fun. He would not have much status at the hall, though. Is he allowed to carry the mikes?

  Unlike other posters, I think your hubby is a "true believer". He believes the doctrines, though he does not put in a lot of effort. I know mine is like that.

  A word to the wise, don't point out the hypocrisy. The more natural he is, the less extreme his behavior and more tolerable he is to live with.
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  exwhyzee

  He's a double life'r....lots of Witnesses including those in positions of leadership do this to some degree or another. It's a form of coping while one is in a position where one no longer believes what his religion has taught him yet feeks heshould believe what his religion has taught him. It's a piteous situation to be in and is one of the main reasons sites like this exist. Be patient with him as he evolves into the fully developed individual he was meant to be had it not been for the stunting effects of this cult like group.
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  nuthouse escapee

  Welcome Backrow: I think your hubby is a Witness in name only for the reason you gave, namely, he doesn't want to disappoint his mother.

  Perhaps when he is finished school you could move somewhere where he won't have to keep up the pretense. It is probably easier now for him to use schooling as an excuse but when that's over he will have to decide if he wants to continue the charade.

  You've come to the right place where you can find helpful suggestions to get him out of this Cult permanently. So very glad to hear that you were not dragged into this destructive religion. Good Luck Leslie
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  King Solomon

  jgnat said:

  Unlike other posters, I think your hubby is a "true believer". He believes the doctrines, though he does not put in a lot of effort.

  Really, jgnat?

  OP provided compelling evidence to the contrary: he enjoys attention on birthdays, none of his friends knows he's a JW, he drinks/gambles/smokes in Vegas (to $2k), no FS, even as she says, "hides his faith"?

  There's obviously no way to know FOR SURE what's going on in his mind (and it's none of our business), but that hardly sounds like the behavior of a "true believer" to me, at least.

  We'll see if the OP feels the provided rationale makes sense (i.e. inheritance, etc), as that'll depend on what happens: it may be as easy for him to leave the JWs as simply just not going one day, saying "3, 6, 9, I resign"....
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  Ding

  Do you have children, BackRow?

  If so, what's your husband's position regarding their religious upbringing?
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  jgnat

  KS, our OP might as well be describing my husband (save the gambling and smoking part). It is amazing how the mind can deceive itself; half in and half out.