My husband confuses me? (page 2)

GuitarGuy6961

My wife confuses me, she gets drunk, so bad she abuses me, I call the cops, they say she is so drunk she has to leave to my son's house, she tells the elders and they say "We will just forget what you did and start over", no committee, no problem, meanwhile I get DF'd for asking about the UN, yet she is forgiven?... WTF?

Fernando

Welcome BackRow!

You have come to "expert central" of all things Watchtower. The awesome folk here know more about the Watchtower than it knows about itself.

As jgnat says: "A word to the wise, don't point out the hypocrisy. The more natural he is, the less extreme his behavior and more tolerable he is to live with."

A potentially powerful exercise in building personal and transcendent common ground outside religious dogma and doctrine would be to find, mark, share and pursue all occurrences of the word "gospel" or "good news" in your Bibles. It is good to take ones time though, it is a process. The ultimate rewards could far exceed anything one could imagine...

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine..." (Eph 3:20)

The electronic wt library can be a very useful ally if you both agree to focus on the "gospel" or "good news" alone, whilst ignoring rules, doctrine and dogma.

In time the fact that the "unabridged gospel" can be found in the wt library (in fragments) will cause seismic shifts in your husbands thinking when he questions why the "unabridged gospel" is not also on the lips and in the hearts of Watchtower followers.

Oh, and yes hypocrisy (two opposite faces) is the inevitable outcome of a toxic legalistic and self-righteous environment. It is a heavy burden to carry as you say. Since Watchtower followers become expert at hiding it is hard for even 40-year veterans like myself to answer what most Watchtower religionists really are like in their well hidden private lives. Your story would however be very common.

Not all bad news in your case, since the more driven ones become more dysfunctional, corrupt, deviant and aberrant. They generally gravitate into the surreptitious ruling religious clergy class and become increasingly Pharisaical.

elderelite

Yes men are as good at confounding women as women are at men. Its the way of things. Dont sweat it over much. Hes happy being a nomial dubbie but living an other wise 'normal' life, you seem happy enough.... Who loses? Hang around here and learn some subtle things to watch for in the area of extreme behaviour that may denote he is becoming More imerssed in the cult but other wise, it seems to him this is the religion he grew up in and not a lot more.

sizemik

Welcome BackRow . . .

but him and his frat brothers f/undergrad just got back from Vegas last weekend (where they partied so hard he spent nearly $2,000 at bars and gambling trying to keep up with the likes of his doctor friends).

Yeah well . . . I hate to be a party pooper, but your hubbies an entrenched double-lifer. A true believer couldn't bend that guilt burden for too long before it broke. The thing is about double-lifers, is that they are deceivers. Every day is a lie . . . to either one side or the other.

The question you need to ask yourself is . . . how much of the truth do you think you're owed?

BackRow

Wow! Thanks for being nice to me! I thought I was going to get reamed!

He went to college on his own volition ..in fact at one of the best Business schools in he country.None of the rest of his immediate fam went to college. I mean his immediate family are also the only Witnesses...I went to the family reunion and everyone treated his mom like she was a coo-coo and him like he was the normal one....I even heard him tell his cousin Happy B-day ( when his mom wasn't around). Btw, his mom really is not crazy, she is a geniunely funny...it's just sometimes starts talking about the "end of the system" at the most inn opportune times...
He is baptized, but I have never seen him carry a mic or get an "assignment" on Weds....I'm assuming bc he has not transferred his member card (forgive me for not knowing the proper term...)
We don't have children...he confuses ME . I can only imagine how a child would feel?
I do not want to discourage him from persuing his faith,
I am just trying to understand the mind-frame, he grew up in an extremely conservative household...my house was conservative, but more in a no dating/early curfew....he was not allowed to play sports...field service every Saturday, you know.... then when he went to college he kind of "met the world".
Please understand that I am not trying to bash my husband! I just want to understand him.
Also, did I say he smoked? I cannot imagine him with a cigarette, so let me clear that up. He rarely drinks...when he meets up with his fraternity bros is really the only times I have seen or heard of him drinking.

Is it normal for JW's closest friends to not know? I try to not say anything, but I totally called him out for the how much he loved getting Facebook posts for his Bday and he promptly took his Bday off his Facebook page...whatever the history is still there from the last few years wherever has thanked everyone for the kind wishes....really my point was are you sure you dont want to go celebrate?

Then I saw his face lighting up as his texts blew up with what I presume were birthday wishes....and he was just beaming. And I got even more confused.

BackRow

Oh my gosh there are so many grammar errors, typing on iPad = no bueno. Sorry!

King Solomon

Well, the college is an eyebrow raiser, but esp joining a fraternity! Defo not a JW-approved activity!

You didn't mention if he has siblings and there's an inheritance at stake: if so, that may be the factor. If his mom is hardcore JW, she'd be pretty much forced to cut out the ex-JW kids and leave it to the JWs kids.

BTW, most JWs don't even HAVE non-JW friends, as it is discouraged for JWs to associate with non-believers. Those who DO have "Worldly" friends will most defo know they're JWs, as the JW is supposed to try to convert those who they are friendly with.

talesin

Btw, his mom really is not crazy, she is a geniunely funny...it's just sometimes starts talking about the "end of the system" at the most inn opportune times...

Trust me, she's really crazy.

That's the thing. This double life he leads, and being brought up strict JW, is a head trip. Remember that you are the sane one.

:)

Iamallcool

backrow, you can edit your posts by clicking on the yellow pencil on the right upper corner of your post. You have 30 minutes to edit from the time of your posting.

King Solomon

PS And how did he marry you? Marrying unbelievers (non-JWs) is HIGHLY frowned upon, so he sounds like someone who's not committed to the basic beliefs of JWs, but still manages to remain in, for whatever reasons.

Talesin, it doesn't sound like she or her hubby are having a hard time dealing with it: as EE says, many people are capable of leading highly-compartmentalized lives for decades, and some even enjoy the thrill and challenge of juggling it all. Sounds like her husband is working it to his advantage, so it's hard to argue with what's working for him and her....

My husband confuses me?

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