More excrement in the fan

by outsmartthesystem 49 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Sulla

  Not a good situation at all -- I feel for you, outsmartthesystem. But, seriously, you are the spiritual head of the household -- in JW parlance. You are within your right simply to forbid her to take the children to meetings and the Elders should back that up (I recall a similar situation in which a non-JW forbade his children to attend; the wife objected, but the Elders took his side).

  Play tough. Tell her, "I am the spiritual head of this family. You are subject in this regard to me. I shall decide where the children learn about God, if at all, and you will obey you family head. Otherwise, I shall contact the Elders regarding your lack of submission." You might similarly forbid her from going in field service, then use that as a bargaining chip.

  It's the Chicago rules: they bring a knife, you bring a gun. I speak metaphorically, but not less seriously. Good luck.
• 

  flipper

  OUTSMARTTHESYSTEM- I'm so sorry my friend that you are going through this rough time. You have an accurate take on what's happening with your wife for sure. She IS cult mind controlled and the WT society's indoctrination methods HAVE turned her into a stone cold robot. I had a fanatic JW wife for 19 years , I know how it can be.

  If I may suggest, try to NOT get into fights or debates in front of your young children as it will just polarize them and cause them to pick " sides " between parents, which you really don't want and isn't good for their mental health. Talk with your wife in private. If you can get your wife to agree to go to a professional marriage counselor who understands cults and religions it may help the communication process. Don't go to the elders as it will just be a " us " ( your wife & them ) against " you " scenario. Fruitless. More importantly if you can go see a counselor or professional therapist yourself for your own depression and state of mind it will give you an ally and an outlet with someone to talk to outside the situation who can be objective. Certainly the elders would NOT be objective, they'll favor you wife.

  Continue showing authentic care and love to your young children. When you spend time with them do fun, enjoyable hobbies and activities with them that they enjoy outside the JW experience. In this way you may offset the aggressive indoctrination being put into them by your JW wife. Yet be careful to NOT to put their mom down to them and don't speak negatively about their mom to them as it would undo the good you accomplish AND give your wife more ammunition to use against you. Try to keep your dignity and respect your wife's, even though I know it's difficult. Been there, experienced this. If you'd like to chat sometime, I'll PM you my number, O.K. ? Hang in there buddy. Check your PMs in a few minutes
• 

  snare&racket

  Sorry to hear your story mate, sounds heart wrenching.

  I know this is obvious, but many people foreget when they disconnect from the JW's that you have rights as a human, a lot more than you do as a JW. You can leave, as sad as it would be. Use the courts to get access, and offer an alternative way of thinking for your children.

  I feel for you and I know nothing anyone says will help. Make the most of your friends here, we are all on your side and watching your back. Again I hope you dont take offence at the above suggestion. A friend of mine left the JW's leaving kids behind and was distraught at his wife not allowing access. He was sill thinking like a JW and was trying to figure out how to get the elders to allow him access... then I reminded him that we have courts for that. Society dictates that fathers have rights as much as a mother, even if they are not a JW in good standing ! You may even get custody if you go for it, tell them everything thats happene. Again, none of this is nice, all I can say is I hope things improve for you and your kids will one day be greatful and certainly proud.

  Snare
• 

  flipper

  OUTSMART- You have a PM. Hang in there
• 

  outsmartthesystem

  Loading - Yes I was. Technically I still am. I've never been DF'd but the elders know where I stand on things. If they want me they could get me
• 

  outsmartthesystem

  "In JW parlance you have every right to decide on your childrens religious upbringing, when they are allowed to attend meetings etc. You are head of the house for goodness sake! Has your wife forgotten this? If so maybe you should remind her of her beliefs."

  There is a well known caveat among witnesses that the above applies ONLY if their "spiritial" lives are not in danger. The above goes out the window if they are "endangered" spirtually (i.e. kept from attending meetings)
• 

  outsmartthesystem

  Thank you everyone. I'll check out the responses more in detail tomorrow.

  FYI - I emailed my lawyer with a copy of the child custody brochure today. It broke my heart to do it.....but I had to
• 

  baltar447

  Lawyer up, take care of your health, and hang in there.
• 

  notjustyet

  You know how when you are flying commercially you are told to put the Oxygen mask on yourself first, then you will be able to help the young ones.

  Kids are very resilient and can bounce back from this. So don't think all is lost at this point. I would however start recording things the kids say to you and talks with your wife if you can. It might come in handy some day.

  Just keep your cool, and also remember that she could be recording you also. So just state facts and how you feel and be very civil with her. She seemed rather cool with that last comment " is that it?" She could be recording you already. Just saying.

  NJY
• 

  BreathoftheIndianNose

  Its sounds like your mental health is in dire straits, as is your family situation. You NEED to see someone for help, psychologist, counseller, doctor, some professional who can get you feeling better. Without your mental health, you dont have the ability to act the way you need to in this tough situation. It really sounds like you have depression, through and through. And frankly, Im not surprised. Whether it's a genetic disposition, or simply becasue of your family situation, it is parralizing you, and that's the last thing you need in these difficult times. Don't be ashamed in getting help, its the most honerable thing you can do, helping yourself, so that you can help others. Those are my 2 cents, hope it helps. But I stand by those words, help yourself now, your worth it, so that you can help the ones you love. All the best.

  kNose