I realized recently that this was the start of a new service year (read: Fi$cal Year), so of course I figured it was possible the elders would make their usual rounds and show up uninvited. It hadn't occurred to me that they would approach me as I was picking up my family from the meeting last night.
As I was getting my daughter situated, the chairman of my judicial committee says, "Hey!" and starts coming around the car with a second elder in tow. I ignore him at first, knowing that it is that time of year again for him to search for the one lost sheep, you know, the one he could care less about the rest of the year? But he actually speaks again, and I look at him. He asks if it would be okay to pay me a visit. "For what?" I ask. "Why?" It's all very confusing to me. Did he doze off during the judicial committee that he was chairman of, the one where he was loudly calling for my head behind closed doors? Did he forget last year's uninvited visit in which I explained that I simply do not agree with what is being taught at the Kingdom Hall?
His response? "We like to visit disfellowshipped ones to see if they would like to serve God." Unless he thinks I'm extraordinarily dense, or is really just that full of himself, surely he has to know that when I asked, "Why?" I was not asking for the canned explanation he just gave me last year that I am already well aware of. The real question is, why would you continue to call on someone who is convinced--and has affirmed under the already-carried-out-threat of expulsion--that Jehovah's Witnesses do not have the true religion? I'm not just a guy sitting at home thinking oh, I'm unworthy to serve God again! I wish the elders would call on me and rub eyesalve in my eyes so that I can see again!
A number of colorful responses fly through my mind and I can't seem to settle on any of them, simply remembering that this sentence he just said includes loaded language and black-and-white thinking. And didn't Christianity do away with these physical entities that we have to go through in order to commune with God? Well, there's no point in even picking it apart further, it's just b.s.
I gave him a frown of annoyance, a 'you must be out of your mind' look, and tell him no, I don't want a visit. He says, "You're not interested right now?" "I'm not interested at all," I replied. "Okay. Take care," he says, and walks away.
I guess the trauma of dealing with them is still there inside me even though the spell has been broken. It doesn't help to come home and see the Sparlock video on. Even so, they should consider doing a Blu-ray of that one--it actually looked pretty good on an HDTV . But this is part of the burden I've brought on myself, so...deal with it.
My wife had a talk last night, so I guess maybe they were reminded of me after that. But geez, they must really be short on manpower to be repeatedly pursuing an avowed apostate who has gone so far as to post his picture and his first name on an apostate message board. Though of course I prefer the term 'freedom fighter'.
Anyway, let me not drag this out too much longer. The thing that gets me about these guys is that they really won't leave people alone. It's like they want to drag out the spiritual abuse as long as possible. I have said NOTHING to you people. Go finish beating the rest of the sheep. Frak off. I guess they just think persistence will mean something, but I sense that for this chairman, it's a little more personal than that. I may be wrong. But he seems really convinced that I'm finding that there's nothing else out there and will come crawling back to spiritual elementary school to be spoon-fed again. After you've had true spiritual meat, and tasted of true freedom of mind, how can you ever want poisoned apple sauce again?
The burden of carrying every decision myself, while still new and heavy, is one I continue to manage. Apart from times of reading the Bible and that one time I visited a Christadelphian church a couple of years ago, I've not been particularly religious. I put on my Christian hat to analyze or discuss issues, but that's it. It's become clear to me that the universe is quiet. If God is everybody's Father, I would expect more communication than a 2,000+ year old book subject to interpretation. So...we had our last talk as far as I'm concerned. And the last thing I want is to return to the JW circus and be abused further and deal with jerks and fair-weather friends. Why would I actually work that hard to be amongst people who could care less about me? It was stupid then, and it'd be even dumber now (not to say that I haven't been dumb a few dozen times in my life).
Well, it was upsetting, so I just needed a vent a bit. But hopefully this means that next September, they won't be approaching me and that they'll finally get the hint and leave me alone. "Take thy beak from out my heart and take thy form from off my door!"
--sd-7