Encounter with two elders last night

by sd-7 29 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  King Solomon

  Well, call it what you will (plotting strategy, playing games, etc), but it's semantics which doesn't alter the reality of your situation. The US military (and I'm a vet) carries out strategic battlefield scenarios when practicing and implementing tactics, and refers to these as 'war games', where war is as far from a "game" as it gets.

  My point was to encourage you to not lose sight of the strategic vs emotional: the latter are often hasty reactions, and the former are based on calm reasoning and a sober assessment of your predicament you find yourself in (as well as that of the opponent). You cannot win the war without a strategy....
• 

  jam

  sd-7; This guy sound like my ex-brother law elder.

  My son (never baptize) visiting his mom, sisters and other

  Jw relatives. My ex brother law was there. My son has made

  it clear to his mom and sisters he want no part of being a JW,

  so they respect that. They do not see each other that often, lots

  to talk about. Well my clown ex-brother law pulls my son a side

  and begain drilling him about coming back, this SOB told my son

  your father wasn,t a good example for you kids. My son got up

  and walk away. This is the same bozo that have been removed as

  a elder two times, for abusing his family. Same elder, his new wife

  ex husband (not a JW, died) was going to kick his ass for a shady job he did for him.

  The guy is a screw ball.
• 

  sd-7

  Yes, abuser gotta' abuse. Plus some of this is no doubt a bit of theater for your wife's sake. They want to look good for her like they're doing what

  they're supposed to do. It's all about appearances in JW-land.

  Right. I experienced some of that during the committee two years ago. Probably explains why they let her off easy and she was commenting at meetings a month or two later.

  There's your mistake. You were thinking they think. They don't.

  So you're thinking I was thinking they think. Ah. It all makes sense now. I suppose it's easy to forget what it was like after being out for awhile. The response was canned, programmed, etc. So...right.

  Hang in there buddy, I love your rants. They're more articulate and insightful than most.

  Then one day I need to do a drunken rant, except I've never been drunk before. But I guess I was ranting a bit there. Gotta put the anger on simmer, stir, and cover for 45 years or so.

  The CO checks the records to see if they are following up on the Society's direction to contact disfellowshipped ones who might show some repentantce. You were at the Hall and that shows a glimmer of hope to them. Lames.

  So the CO actually checks that. Never knew that before, but should've known. I never did reach elder level, so, I suppose there are little things like this that elude me. Thing is, I wasn't AT the meeting. I pulled up outside to pick up my family. Sure I did attend two days of the convention this year, so I guess they could read into that, even though I was only there to help with the kids--and good that I was, given what happened during the Sunday program. But they would have no way of knowing my motives, of course. It would be assumed that of course I was just interested in hearing the fine program of spiritual instruction. Bah.

  Yea, you're an easy mark. They don't even have to put forth an effort in contacting you. You come to them. Now they can mark a check by your name and it gets the CO off their back.

  Well, technically, undercover, they did come to me. I was putting my kid in the car, minding my own business. Either way, I live literally 5 minutes from the KH, so it would hardly present any trouble for them to pay a visit, though of course I would prefer not to have the mental image of their behinds sitting in my chairs and all...so that evens it out, I suppose. I can't see a CO wanting to hound them for not checking in on an apostate, though, that would probably be the opposite of common sense, but...right, I'm thinking they think again...

  --sd-7
• 

  sd-7

  You cannot win the war without a strategy....

  Well, of course your point is valid--only a fool would fail to have some sort of plan in place. But the problem is, there's no reason to conclude that anyone at this stage is going to buy that kind of ploy. Save perhaps counting on their hubris. Since they're already convinced that they're right and nobody would ever believe JWs don't have the truth, that sort of thing makes a certain sense. Except that again, it does involve pretending to be something I'm not. Which would be perfect if this was about using any means necessary to win. So I'm not saying it's a bad suggestion, because it does have considerable logic. I just don't know if it's for me.

  It was very stressful trying to pretend about this stuff, and the last thing I want is to get more attention from them by pretending to have some interest in returning. I guess you could say, I don't really care that much about winning. Winning would have involved keeping it zipped in the first place and getting away from these people, far away. That ship sailed awhile ago. The fight is all that's left now.

  Even so, it does call to mind Steve Hassan's recommendations--a sort of cautious interest is better by far than opposition, which puts the walls up for them. Logic: 15, sd-7: 0. And therein lies a dilemma. To be honest, the cult has been a useful scapegoat for any other problems that exist at home. Without it, I do wonder what would become of us.

  Well, her experience has been too different than mine. She views them as saviors and protectors, if you will. And there's little else for her to look forward to, in her mind. The cult has become an easy means of being viewed as a success of sorts, and a feeling of being loved, friended, accepted. I'm not sure someone like me can change that.

  But I didn't leave so I could do stuff like that. I left because it was wrong to stay, because it went against my conscience. Anyone else's conscience is their own business, not mine. Nature will take its course with the kids, I think. All I'll need to do is nudge them in the right places at the right times and in the right ways. The true self always resurfaces sooner or later, and I just need to watch for the times I can nurture that.

  As always, I may be wrong. Fact is, I'm just looking forward to when everyone leaves me alone as far as this stuff is concerned, and I can get on with just healing my own wounds and dying with a measure of peace in my heart.

  --sd-7
• 

  straightshooter

  Remember that jw are taught to go to the same doors over and over again, even if the householder says they are not interested. You are no different, except you only get a yearly visit. Count your blessing that they do not try seeing you on a weekly/monthly basis.
• 

  Fed-up

  Post 109 of 112 Since 6/8/2012

  It's all about them. They'd be bloodguilty if they didn't make the effort to save you from yourself. I moved 1000 miles away from my home congregation just to avoid that kind of stupidity.

  THANK YOU, COBALTCUPCAKE! You have some of the best postings. Very no nonsense and to the point!

  That made some many things clear to me. I had a brother (shepherd, sic) recently text me something along the lines of "Sometimes I help more by staying out of peoples business"... I though "Wow. You're so right!" It really is all about them. I had an Elder ask me repeatedly to let him and the C.O. come visit me. I was super uncomfortable with the whole thing. Finally the Elder just said, 'Please. Let us come. It will make him feel like he is doing what he is supposed to do.' It made me ill. Still does.

  I'm not sure how to make the copy the text from another post and make it show up in one of those cool little boxes.
• 

  Listener

  "We like to visit disfellowshipped ones to see if they would like to serve God"

  I find this highly disrespectful, my first reaction would be to tell them that there is no need as I am trying (just like them) to serve God, and although I might be disfellowshipped from their organization it in no way hinders my own relationship with God.

  Anything further they would have to say would be very judgemental and I would point this out to them as they simply have no right to do this.

  It must be very difficult for you as it is these guys who are keeping your family in captivity.
• 

  rip van winkle

  sd-7 But I guess I was ranting a bit there. Gotta put the anger on simmer, stir, and cover for 45 years or so.

  You CAN be angry here if you need to get it out. Bottling it up only causes more anxiety and stress. It seems to me you have enough of both.

  If you don't need to "play the game" with the elders and others, more power to you sd-7.

  But, indifference works. If you're lukewarm they will eventually spit you out.
• 

  RagingBull

  Amazing/Fascinating... I would be in your shoes if (even as the sole provider of the family) ever found out by elders my "apostate leanings" LOL...

  Did you face a JC or just leave/write a letter? You are one of the lucky ones. You seem reasonable (to pick up the family from the Hall and all)...they shouldn't be pesty.
• 

  sd-7

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/189048/1/Borg-court-1st-session

  I'm posting it again, to say yes, I did face a committee, and it's well documented on here. I just took notes, yes, for the sole purpose of posting them on here, at the time. There were 2nd and 3rd sessions, too, I think on page 5 of the topics I've started.

  But hey, I feel much better today. I'm trying to let go of the anger issues and resist the temptation to be driven to drinking over all this. So far, so good...

  --sd-7