JW's misrepresenting their relationship with xjws.

by panhandlegirl 40 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  panhandlegirl

  It'll probably make YOU feel better, but it won't change anything.

  00DAD, I want to feel better even though I agree that it will not change anything. One of my other cousins also told her brother's daughter that "I knew the rules about how I, as a df'd person, was supposed to act." They feel and state that when they enter a room, if I am there, I should back off into a corner or leave the room in deference to them. They feel that I am obligated to follow their "rules" and that makes my blood boil. I makes me want to use bad words when I speak to them.
• 

  sabastious

  JW's who shun create approval from their peers by artificially inflating negativities about people they are shunning or just outright lie about them (less creative). This is because deep down their conscience bothers them, so they fabricate a reason to hate that person and get others to agree with them so they don't have to worry about the guilt anymore. This is part of the psychological "ecosystem" of the JW environment. It's purposefully built in by the Watchtower Architects.

  -Sab
• 

  Satanus

  My jw exfriends and exfamily, and i knew people right accross canada, i assume that they all have talked about me, especially those closer to me, like my exfamily members. I heard that some of them think that i'm doing things which i am not. They think that satan has gotten control of me.

  How do i feel about it? I just accept that they are doing it. I see it as group/herd thinking. It's a natural human/animal trait, for people who belong to groups. I actually try to maintain the worst false image to them that i can. Imo, giving a worse image is better than me getting into the position where i find myself trying to justify myself. F*****k em.

  S
• 

  braincleaned

  Bottom line - that elder is an asshole, albeit chosen by the Holy Spirit to serve. Ha! Indeed...
• 

  Satanus

  I know that it's hard to leave them behind and move on. They are always w us in our thoughts, now and then.

  Not sure for what you were dffed, but, you can't win w those people. It does not matter how well educated/informed you are, no matter how upstanding/honest, no matter what a good parent you are.... As long as you refuse to humbly return to their fold covered in sack cloth and ashes, you will be badly treated.

  S
• 

  mrsjones5

  " mrsjones5, I don't care if jw say bad things about me. What I felt was that he was trying to enhace himself in the eyes of my classmate by using me, someone who he has only heard about. That is what makes me mad!"

  Understood. My mother makes herself look like the victim to people I don't even know (and some I do) and yeah I feel used to but it's her pity party not mine. It feels like a loss of control over how people view you but the only thing you can control is you. Ranting here is good. You have an outlet and can bounce off of people who know exactly what you're talking about. Butyou can't control folks who wish to do you harm other than to stay away from them.

  Geez I gotta go but I hope you'll get some relief by releasing it here.
• 

  panhandlegirl

  LongHairGal, you are correct; jws dare not tell the world how they disrupt familys and shun those who leave. That would be bad advertisment. Instead they engage in "false advertisment" pretending they are a loving organization when we know different.

  Diest, yes, what do they have to talk about other than how many hours they spend in field service or gossiping about xjws, whom they consider to be viewed as always an "open season" target for them.

  steve2, I intended to "invade his home privacy" by calling him out because he invaded my privacy first by discussing me, who he has never met or laid eyes on, with my classmate, who he was not aquainted with. He never had to say anything about me to a stranger. I guess I felt he was using me and that he "drew first blood." His wife was nastier than the situation called for. I have never treated a df'd person badly and I have been around quite a few of them in my time. I do love my cousin and I guess it hurts to have her treat me so mean. Her sister told her brother's daughter that I was not family, that I was nothing. I guess you never get over being spoken of in such derogatory terms. As you stated, I invaded his privacy, which is what I intended to do so that he may know that I also have "rules" about what I will tolerate and what I consider unacceptable when it concerns my persona. Just because I have chosen to leave the organization does not give them the right to mistreat me. I feel as another poster, elderrite or something does, I can't recall his name right now, who stated that another poster did not know who he was "leaning on." I felt like this elder did not know who he was dealing with. If he messed with me, I would retaliate in kind. If it had been anyone of my cousins, I would not have done anything, I just felt this man, who has never met or seen me, had no right to invade my relationship with my classmate. Maybe I am petty, but I value my privacy too. I feel that I also have worth and will not allow anyone to misrepresent their relationship with me to my friends or anyone else in my life. I do,however, appricate your assessment of the situation. I wanted an unbiased viewpoint.

  Sab, I agree that their conduct is "part of the psychological 'ecosystem' of the JW enviroment." The borg does instill a we-vs-them attitude. It is so sad to think of all the time we, as families have lost and are losing, by being divided by this organization.

  Satanus, you are right about it being "group thinking" and because they already think badly of us, a "worst false image" makes sense.

  braincleaned, that is one of the words I would like to call that elder to his face, and that is what I think he is.

  Thanks, all of you for your comments. I will probably not do anything more about it, but it helps to vent about it and get unbiased views on the my experience. I will just e-mail my classmate and tell him I found the person he met in Dallas. I won't go into "the rest of the story."
• 

  steve2

  His wife was nastier than the situation called for. I have never treated a df'd person badly and I have been around quite a few of them in my time.

  I know what you mean panhandlegirl. Even though I do understand why spouses stick up for each other, there's no excuse for the woman's nastiness (she actually called you back and invaded your privacy - she's a hypocrite).

  I look at what the local JWs said about me over the years (lots of heartless conjecture and idle gossip) and I look at how I've treated them (with tremendous restraint) - and upon reflection, my sense of dignity and integrity is way more intact than theirs could ever be.

  For a religion that professes to not only be the truth but the sole conduit on earth of truth, their local behaviours disgust me. I don't blame you one bit for how you attempted to address this man's appalling behaviour.
• 

  panhandlegirl

  Apparently I feel determined to write a letter to the BOE about this elder. Here is a draft of the letter. Would appricate comments on the letter.

  BOE

  COL

  Somewhere USA

  Dear Sirs,

  I recently attended my high school reunion in… TX. While in line for our meal, one of my classmates told me that while standing in line at a local restaurant in Dallas, he found himself alongside a man who was in Dallas visiting his children. Somehow during the conversation, they were discussing our hometown. This man apparently told my friend he knew me and seemed to have a lot of information about me and presented himself as a friend/family member/associate of mine. When my classmate told me the name of the man, …, I was baffled, as I know no one from …by that name and I told him so. Before leaving our reunion, my classmate asked me to try and find out who this man was. By chance, I found myself in …because my aunt, …, was in the hospital. I asked her son, …, if he knew a man named … that might know quite a bit about me. He told me the man was … (I may have an incorrect spelling of the last name) and that he was married to his sister …. I called … to relate the message from my classmate. He told me that he was indeed the man who my classmate had met in Dallas. When I told him my name, …, he promptly hung up on me, which was extraordinary rude. Then my cousin, … called me back screaming at me that I was not to call that number anymore and that she did not know where I had obtained the number but she was going to find out. She then called her brother, …, and screamed at him for giving me the number. I found the conduct of these two people appalling and beyond the pale in rudeness. I am a former Jehovah’s Witness who was disfellowshipped because I disagreed with the organization’s policies. I was a JW from a toddler until the age of 40+ so I am quite acquainted with the organization. I have never treated a disfellowshipped person with such rudeness and I have been around many such ones.

  The reason I am writing is that I feel that if Jehovah’s Witness are going to shun former Jehovah’s Witness, then they should not misrepresent themselves to our classmates, friends, or colleagues as our friends, associates and /or colleagues. It is unacceptable to me to have a person such as … who I have never met or laid eyes on, to use my persona for any reason whatsoever. I don’t care what my siblings or cousins do, for I truly love them, but I don’t even know this man nor do I care to make his acquaintance. He obviously has no class.

  I would have written this letter to … but she would have torn it up before reading it. If you are reading this paragraph, I trust that you are more unbiased than she. I do not want anything from you. I merely want you to know that we, former jws also have our values.

  any comments will be appricated.
• 

  Satanus

  ' He obviously has no class.' He's of the no class, earthly class. Seriously though, good letter.

  S