Mix the truth with lies in to a pudding and call it steak

by jgnat 21 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    The "perfect storm" built up to an epic verbal battle between me and my JW hubby. There's nothing like a pitched battle to bring out my best zingers so I thought I would share some of them here. By the way, hubby and are fine. Whatever our differences, there's a fundamental compatibility that takes over once the dust settles.

    Here's the circumstances that led up to our frank exchange. My brother-in-law is dying of cancer and we will lose him in a few days. It was hard to see him in the palliative care ward; still a young man, vital only 18 months ago, shrunken to a shadow of what he had been. He leaves three children and my sister behind, the youngest still in High School.

    Seeing death hard brings out all the JW in my hubby. Fear of death I would say, is one of his chief draws for the witnesses. He started quoting Witness platitudes, thankfully not in front of my sister. I got increasingly annoyed, as I'd explained to him many times that even though these words give him comfort, his job at times like this is to keep me calm.

    Then he pushed me over the edge when he expressed the sincere wish that Witnesses would find my sister and her children to give them the comfort of the "truth". Taking out the interruptions and the "yes buts" (I interrupt when I am enraged) I asked him what kind of improvement the Witnesses could offer to my sister, a family doctor? Should she give that up for magazine peddling?

    I told him he should not mix up the good news, that offers comfort, for the lies that the Witness mix in (pudding disguised as steak), that she must sell magazines and be a slave to the Witnesses to earn that promise.

    He suggested that my sister's life is empty with its emphasis on education and materialism.

    Really? Do you think that is the only reason she entered medicine? She is one of the most compassionate people I know. How dare the society suggest the only reason for education is for material gain. Why don't they ever mention any of the other reasons people might get an education?

    He offered the Witness platitude that it is people's choice if they accept the tr...

    I interrupted, it's not a choice if they put a gun to peoples head. People have to peddle those magazines if they want to have that promise. That is the lie and I can't abide that they mix hope with lies (pudding and call it steak). How could my sister benefit by being a Watchtower slave?

    He faded off with Jehovah will decide.

    Why does it sound like a threat?

  • rip van winkle
    rip van winkle

    Wow, Jgnat. I was intrigued by your title. Oh, I am sorry about your BIL. It must be a very difficult time for your sister and her children.

    Jw's always think that it's the right time to preach without consideration to others feelings or beliefs. You know, they really believe they are helping.

    (I'm not going to ask you how you ended up married to one or how long, but I hope you are happy.)

  • Kudra
    Kudra

    all I can say is "ugh". And that I sympathize... (my mom). I am sure your husband is an intelligent man given that you are with him but it is SO hard to break through that weird JW facade... blech.

    And I am really sorry to to hear about your brother in law.

  • King Solomon
    King Solomon

    Yup, hate to stereotype, but you've met one hardcore JW and you've met them all. The name may change, but the song remains the same....

    Interesting to see my brother (who's an elder) occasionally get short with his wife (a hardcore JW pioneer) at times, when she shows a complete lack of social awareness of her surroundings and launches into the same platitudes, regardless of their applicability to the given situation. So it seems they want SOME awareness, but want to tightly define the limits.

    BTW, jgnat, I'm surprised you see it so easily in your hubbie, but don't even see just a teensie-weensie bit of that same kind of wishful thinking in yourself, by wanting to create God in our image, and not vice-versa?

  • JakeM2012
    JakeM2012

    Sorry about your brother-in-law. Your sister helps more people as a doctor than a life time of distributing magazines to empty houses for wt ever will. I'm so sure her life is empty and meaningless, NOT.

    It irratates me that no matter what the circumstance is the witnesses can't stop judging people and implying wrong motives. "Oh, you have cancer in your family, it's because you went to college and are materialistic." "Did I mention that you can get by without an education and have time to go from door to door?" "That way you have more to donate to WT, putting kingdom interest first." Some where in there they have to throw in the expressions "simple" or "real life".

    I'm so happy to be totally away from that mindset.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    You know, you've argued with one JW you've argued with them all. Our great strength is our flexibilty of mind, our ability to look at an issue with new eyes.

    I usually advise not to bother arguing with a JW in full-blown cultist mode. The arguments and the conclusion are so predictable, and I believe it just pushes the cultist to the fore.

    On the other hand, there are times when my natural reactions must shine through, and of course death is a time of high emotion. Hubby's taken the brunt of it because he is one of my "safe people", and I have to be careful around family. So he gets it both barrels. I am grateful that we were able to get back to a state of harmony afterwards. I stand by the principle, "don't add to the drama". These events of high emotion stick in our memory and new wounds can be re-opened at every anniversary.

  • rip van winkle
    rip van winkle

    Jgnat- You must be a very strong person to be able to deal with your husband's firmly entrenched beliefs and still keep your sanity. And, don't we always feel free and safe to say what's on our minds with the people that know us and love us best?

    Yes, I know, all too well, the emotional rollercoaster ride of dealing with a family member's life-threatening illness and subsequent death can cause much divisiveness at times. I'm sure that your sister appreciates and welcomes all the emotional support you can offer.

    You know, you've argued with one JW you've argued with them all.

    Jgnat, Now, that's the TRUTH!!!!( LOL)

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Thank you all for your sympathy.

    rip, your comments hit a chord. My sister is a tough nut to crack, and I can blame our mutual background. We were raised by a narcicisstic, manipulative mother. So, no, I do not have a long history of being able to trust those I love most. That's why I value those who are "safe" to be myself with.

    This also explains my immunity to the WT manipulative techniques.

    My sister and I diverged in our ways of coping. I use denial and an almost obsessive openness. She carries a chip and has closed off her emotions. Ironically, she picked a caring career, and I stuck to an analytical one. So I have to be very, very careful not to open up an emotional storm when I am with my sister.

  • BabaYaga
    BabaYaga

    Ay, yi, yi.

    First of all, I am sorry for the difficult time you and your loved ones are going through. Secondly, you are amazing, Jgnat, and I hope your Darling wakes up someday, and someday soon.

    Love,
    Baba.

  • rip van winkle
    rip van winkle

    That's why I value those who are "safe" to be myself with.

    Wow. I really feel the same way, Jgnat.

    This also explains my immunity to the WT manipulative techniques.

    Unfortunately, I missed out on the innoculation!(LOL) I sure wish I had been.

    Yes, and I also hope for you, as did Baba Yaga, that your husband will one day awaken. And, when he does, he will have a loving person to assist and support him with the understanding of how difficult and life-altering it may be.

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