Do you ever feel secure?

flower

Today I had a thought and it sickened me to think it. I thought to myself 'It IS possible that Satan has blinded all of us and led us away. So I started to list the reasons why I know that the truth is a lie. I know this sounds ridiculous, I cant believe I'm even writing it. But its not totally ridiculous to me and I dont know when I will ever be secure in knowing that I(we) are not wrong.

Besides all the false predictions, doctrinal changes, and other things like that the thing that really impressed me and got me to start researching when I started found an xjw site, was the fact that all of the people here and at the other sites were just normal people. They werent at all what I expected apostates to be. Just people from all walks of life that left the organization. I am having a hard time explaining it but it wasnt like what the society said it was at all. The apostate books werent what I expected either.

The 'realness' of every one here is what drew me in. The fact that everyone was just like me and understanding and had similar stories.

But today I was thinking (dangerous pasttime of mine) that if the devil is as cunning as the society has always said isnt this exactly what he would do? Wouldnt he use people just like me and you? And then I thought once a few people are innocently duped into believing this stuff they could easily and innocently be used to get others to believe just like we accuse people in the WT of doing when they convert.

Is my family being decieved or am I? I have no explanation for the seeming lies and deception and distortion of truth by the watchtower but even with it all I wonder still if its possible that there is an explanation somewhere. Is the New Light theory so really so impossible if we all believed it wholeheartedly at one time? Or were we really that brainwashed. Is it really possible to be that brainwashed? I dont know.

According to them the Devil is cunning and will do anything to get people away from God. So isnt it feasable that he could be responsible for people creating other cults and then say look how similar this is to the JW's. Look how many people he could get with a snare like that.

I dont know I guess I'm just kinda exhausted lately. I hope I'm not totally messing up by changing my life so much.

Everyone else seems so secure here with their knowledge. I dont know why I'm not. Just that I'm really depressed I guess.

flower

IslandWoman

Flower,

My only advice is to go out to a park or if you can to the ocean. Go to see the natural world around us, then ask yourself the questions you need to find answers for.

IW

Makena1

((((Flower))))

I think a lot of us have had similar feelings in the past - and occasionally something in the news or whatever, will cause these kinds of thoughts to resurface.

When they did, I would do the same thing you are doing - run down the list of reasons why the WT is NOT God's spirit directed organization (does HE even have ONE???) the pain that my association with them has wrought on me and my family, the hypocrisy, mind control etc. In my opinion, what you and many of us are going through is the withdrawal pains of being so long with cult-mind control.

Then in the final analysis, I tell myself, IF they are right, do I really want to take orders from Bro PO in the new system? He would make a good target for the metal end of my shovel and God would have to destroy me anyway......call me mental, but paradise under the control of the same "untrained clergy" we have today would be hell on earth.

Just my thoughts - peace to you!

Mak

Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, & over these ideals they dispute & cannot unite--but they all worship money.
- Mark Twain

refiners fire

I dont think theres anything unusual about the thoughts your having.
I still think them after 20 years out of the org.
That just shows how flexible our thinking is on the matter. We are open to possibilities of being wrong.
I ask you, is The WT open to such a possibility?

Further.
I ask you to consider how you FELT the whole time you were in the dubs.
Did you feel good or did youfeel lousy most of the time??
I already know the answer.
Like me you felt like a piece of shit the whole time you were in there.
Isnt that answer enough??
By their fruits ye shall know them.

I regret to have to tell you that for some people life will always be a hard struggle to find happiness and meaning.
I am such a person, and often I feel despair.
You are not alone.
Try doing things for others, like posting your uplifting posts here.
Some of your posts over the past week or so have been great posts,
I have read them with fascination.
Do you honestly think you can go back to a life of attending meetings and church activities that you HATE?
Go to a baptist church, if you like,at least THEY will not MIND CONTROL you.

Introspection

Flower do you still believe in the devil, as the witnesses taught? Let me put it this way - it's one thing to be insecure about yourself, but it's something else when you talk about being secure with your knowledge. So in order for you to be insecure about Satan misleading you, you'd have to be secure about your idea of who or what Satan is or that he even exists. How can be sure of that?

BTW, you might want to read a little quote I posted under the Insight thread. It could just be that you're becoming aware that there's a part of you that still thinks that way, but whether you realize it or not if may have been there for some time. Being aware of it is the first step in allowing you to deal with it so in that way it's good.

Valis

I feel secure in the knowledge that I don't have to go to meetings 3 times a week, service once and study the other days, in order to feel "spiritual". I just spent a week in Big Bend, West Texas National Park. I saw things, besides the hallucinations, that definitely gave me a sense of security. Yes, nature is alive and well. Small flowers growing when all around is more rock/dirt/bone dry landscape than you could shake an Aid book at. Yes, there is some order to our universe. The sun rose and set in fantastic colorations. 18,000 stars came out to greet me at night. They were definitely reminding me that to assume there are invisible forces at work that are activiely seeking to lead me astray, is egocentric, to say the least. Also too, there is a lot more realness outside the borg. People from all religions, races, creeds, beliefs, social groups, that you never got to experience, for fear that reality might somehow draw you away from Dog. Yet another egocentric notion employed to segregate the borg from all of Dog's creation, not just a miopic version of reality afforded by the WT.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

144thousand_and_one

Flower,

It sounds like you are experiencing the lingering effects of the brainwashing you've been subjected to. What you've said is exactly what the JWs want you to believe. They need a means for keeping their folks in line, and fear is a very effective tool utilized by them in their quest to control you. Don't let them succeed. Stand strong and keep fighting it, one day at a time. Good luck Flower!

refiners fire

By the way, before, I said the Witnesses mind control you.
Some thing you should know about mind control.
They dont know they are doing it.
They havent been to school to learn how to control people.
They THINK theyre doing the right thing.
All mind controllers do.
The use of polarized symbols and the demand for impossible levels of purity and sanctity within the church is what has convoluted your head.
It convoluted mine too.

ISP

I think you can get those type of feelings...but they are more to do with your mood than anything substantive. The WTS is garbage and there is no other way of looking at it.

ISP

AGuest

Dearest Flower... may you have peace.

You said:

I started to list the reasons why I know that the truth is a lie.

I take it that by 'the truth', you mean the WTBTS, which, in truth, IS a lie. You are correct. There is one verse, too, that might help you see that even more clearly: John 14:6, which says:

"I... am the Way, and the Truth and the Life."

As you can see, the Truth identified himself here, and in NO way did he mention the WTBTS. Just to take it a step further, he also said:

"You will KNOW the Truth... and the Truth... shall set you free."

John 8:32

How do we know he of what... or WHOM... he was speaking? Because he goes ON to say:

"Therefore, if the SON (the Truth) sets you free, you will actually BE free."

John 8:36

I know this to be true, for it IS that One who set ME free, from many things, including the enslavement of the WTBTS. Who is that Truth? None other than the Son of the Holy One of Israel, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, JAH OF ARMIES, whose Son is my Lord... and His Christ... JAHESHUA MISCHAJAH. And he is the Truth... that can YOU free, as well.

A slave of Christ,

SJ

Do you ever feel secure?

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