Need advice

dismal bliss

So I recently returned to the Truth. I was raised by an Elder and JW family. 25 years later I am a new unbaptized publisher.

I have a problem I hope you all can give advice. I struggle with making minor mistakes that I know are wrong. Then I'm ashamed, I feel I can't pray, and the problem perpetuates.

I feel like I lose Jehovah's Spirit when this happens. Last night, I stumbled. Instantly I felt like my mind was in a fog. I feel like I became a different person, my old self. It was really weird. I've been working on a strained relationship with my worldly wife, and things have been going smoother lately, but after my mistake, I instantly started instigating problems with her. I don't want to sound spooky, but it feels like I wasn't in control. Like I couldn't stop myself from being hurtful to her. Now she "hates" me again. And I made myself walk away and I thought to myself "why am I acting this way?", "why can't I control myself?" and I still couldn't control myself. Am I really experiencing something here? Am I losing Jehovah's Spirit? Or am I just paranoid and have a guilty concious? I feel like I am starting all over again each time I commit this wrongdoing, but I can't be perfect! So how can this balance out? Yes, I know what I did was wrong, and I keep telling myself "no", but I did it anyway....

For a simple example--if you know it is wrong to say a curse word, yet you say it anyway, how do you justify yourself being "righteous"? And if this causes you to be "unrighteous", how can you ever attain "righteous"? b/c people certainly repeat wrongdoing. Perhaps this is "willful" sin versus "unintentional" sin? I guess my wrongdoing was willful since I told myself "no" behorehand yet proceeded anyway. Am I doomed? Is there a difference between knowingly sinning due to a lack of self control, and intentionally sinning? I would say I have a lack of self-control. I'm not sinning for the intentional purpose of sinning, I sinned b/c Im selfish and cant control myself I guess?

sorry for the rambling, i tried to explain it clearly. Please advise....

mrsjones5

You're only human, prone to mistakes and missteps just like everyone else on the planet.

"Do your best and surrender the rest. Don't be too hard on yourself. There are plenty of people willing to do that for you. Tell yourself, “I am doing the best I can with what I have in this moment. That is all I can expect of anyone, including me.” Love yourself and be proud of everything that you do, even your mistakes. Because even mistakes mean you're trying." via:www.marcandangel.com

still thinking

Welcome dismal bliss ...you sound like you are being very hard on yourself...and it's taking it's toll on you and your relationship.

Love begins with yourself...then it can spread to others. Be kind to yourself.

Black Sheep

Welcome to the forum, dismal bliss.

I am unbaptised too. Baptism is the best thing I never did. Because I didn't get baptised I still have a relationship with my family ... a disfunctional relationship for sure, but it is a better relationship than the outright shunning and abuse that many of us born ins are subjected to.

The WT claims to be selected by god to be the sole channel of communication in our day. Several generations of my family have been made to look like fools because the Watchtower's version of god never bothered to show up to prevent that.

How are you going to feel in a few decades time when, as usual, the Watchtower version of god hasn't bothered to show up to kill all of the non-JWs, and you wrecked your relationship with your wife to follow Watchtower hierachy?

Don't let the Watchtower wreck your relationship with your wife until you can find evidence that is better than just their own say-so that they are Jehovah's spokesperson and not just another bunch of Harold Camping type doomsday loonies.

Long Island Firefighter’s Wait for the Rapture Goes Unfulfilled

mind blown

It sounds like you should seek a pro therapist and or marrige counsler. There's a reason why you're doing what ever it is that's bothering you. This is called acting out and goes deeper then applying prayer or reading the bible.

There's mistakes on purpose out of frustrations and there's reasons that go deeper, which only you'll be able to answer to help change for you and yours.

But at least be honest with yourself as to why you're doing what it is you're doing....ask yourself these questions......you will come up with the answer or you may need help with a therapist to help you find the answer......if you are continually hurting others there's a reason..... .

grumblecakes

wow, feel like you cant pray eh? i stopped that in 2005.

i agree with mind blown.

whathappened

Welcome Dismal. I am not a professional but I have been in a few messed up situations.

Is it possible that you are sabatoging your own happiness? Perhaps you unconsciously feel you don't deserve her love, or you are pushing her away before she pushes you away. If you feel this is happening, you need to find out why. True love is hard to find. If this relationship is worth saving, than try as hard as you can to fix it. Right away, my friend.

zeb

Well.. you are back in the 'truth' that is for sure. Self doubt self destruct bashing your self and then causing trouble with your wife...

Is it this or is it that.. is a sign of too much time on your hands. Do you have a creative hobby?

Take the advice of 'mond-blown' and go see a therapist and do it pronto! and that does not mean elders ! ( from sad experience)

AnnOMaly

Welcome, dismal bliss.

The term "worldly wife" - it might be nothing but you just using a standard JW way of describing a non-JW, but I wonder if, by choosing that particular expression, you somehow think you shouldn't be married to her now that you are returning to the 'Truth' and she doesn't share your new found convictions, so at a subconscious level you're wanting to push her away. I also wonder how your wife feels about you returning to the JWs and whether that's adding to the tension between you.

Regarding the guilt thing - to be overcome with guilt about "minor mistakes" is way disproportionate. As others have said, learn to love yourself. Remember, you can't love your neighbor (e.g. your wife) as you do yourself if you don't have love for yourself.

Everyone screws up. Accept it and don't keep mulling over your listakes and beating yourself up over them all the time. Learn from them and move beyond them instead. And as a Christian, if you are always feeling guilty about small stuff, you really haven't got the point of the Gospel and God's grace or 'underserved kindness.' Do you think Jesus' sacrifice is too inadequate to cover your little shortcomings?

Eccl. 7:16-18 (GNB)

So don't be too good or too wise - why kill yourself? But don't be too wicked or too foolish, either - why die before you have to? Avoid both extremes. If you have reverence for God, you will be successful anyway.

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