Non-JW family members who are overly RESPECTFUL and PROTECTIVE of the JW's.

by nicolaou 17 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  nicolaou

  In my immediate family only my Dad was never a JW. My brother was the first to leave when he was 15, I left some twenty years later. My Mum always was and still is the hardcore JW 'hub' of the family and she also brought in her sister and nephew.

  Now here's the thing. As I get a little more focused when discussing things related to the JW side of our family, my cousins in particular just encourage me to be quiet, not to rock the boat. They understand the policy of disfellowshipping/shunning and don't want it to impact on our lives. My auntie (their Mom) has told them that if this happens it will be MY fault that the family is split and they seem to agree with that.

  I try to reason with them that I'm not the one advocating policies that separate families nor will I ever shun anybody but they are insistent that my speaking out is the CAUSE that will produce the EFFECT.

  sigh
• 

  zeb

  Heythere Nicolaou,

  This is standard 'blame' tactics. Isnt it great to have someone to blame.

  Your cousins are weak minded dills why bother with them or their mother. Buy a copy of the Koran (In english) and leave it where they will see it next time they come by. That should get the convo off the'truth'.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  It does seem that there are people who will think that anything said against "the cult" is an attack on JW relatives.
  They would have you just leave and leave quietly to keep family peace.

  It is not at all unique to that situation. If a family member were molested or abused in some way, many families would have ask that person to stifle it to keep some fake appearance of family harmony.

  If you can't or won't do it, they blame you. If you can't (or won't) do it, then don't. Power to those that need to 'rock the boat.' If they are burdened with family guilt, find an outlet to shake it off- counseling or at least JWN and good friends.
• 

  nicolaou

  Your cousins are weak minded dills why bother with them or their mother

  Because I love them, and would prefer their company over yours anyday you rude, insensitive numbnut.
• 

  Vidiot

  nicolaou - "Because I love them..."

  I have no doubt you do - unconditionally, in fact - but is that degree of familial love reciprocated?

  In relationships where it is not, usually one party ends up doing almost all the taking, and the other, all the giving. I'm sure you're perceptive enough to tell which party is which in your case.

  Just a heads-up.
• 

  panhandlegirl

  I hate to say it, but the best thing to do, if your cousins don't want to hear anything against JWs, is to let it go. You will be the one blamed for the break-up of the family if something happens. As long as you can stay out of the borg without being df'd, I say do it. I have always liked the saying "Discretion is the better part of valor." If they bring things up, you can comment or have your say but believe me, being ostracized from the family is not fun. In the end, you must do what you can live with, just remember there are consequences to being blunt about your beliefs. You, apparently love them and want to be able to continue your relationship with them, so be careful of rocking the boat so much you are thrown overboard.

  PHG
• 

  Ding

  What you describe is similar to shooting the messenger and blaming the victims.

  Unfortunately, trying to reason with such people is like trying to reason with a copy of the latest WT study article.
• 

  leavingwt

  Nic: These outsiders are incapable of understanding Thought Reform, and the complex dynamics within high-controls groups *unless* they undertake a lenghty, exhaustive research project into the subject. Bottom line: they make sorry allies in attempting to rescue someone from such a group.
• 

  tec

  What you describe is similar to shooting the messenger and blaming the victims.

  This... and i expect that they talk to you and expect more from you, because they CAN. They know the others won't change their minds or be reasonble, but that you have that capacity, so it is safer talking to you and demanding things from you.

  A lot of people prefer to just 'keep the peace' and avoid confrontation, rather than take a stand and clear the air.

  Peace,

  tammy
• 

  rather be in hades

  nic: i like your topic, i was honestly thinking of making something similar.

  in my family, my mom is the only one who is a jw. well, my stepfather as well. my aunt even studied for maybe a month or two when i was a baby before deciding it wa a cult. so she KNOWS it's a cult but my family wouldn't give me the time of day when it comes to this bs.

  it's a bs situation. feels like i'm not even family.

  a friend of mine reminds me every so often that sometimes, family isn't the people you start off with, so much as the people you get close to on the journey through life.

  my sympathies though, it's a shit situation to be in.