The WT proves again that it does not understand Child Psychology

by Christ Alone 29 Replies latest watchtower bible

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  Christ Alone

  I posted this elsewhere, but wanted to create a thread about this specifically. Here is one way that I think the WT is absolutely wrong in it's advice on raising children:

  In the 1/13 Awake they talk about mistakes that parents make with their children. One of them was so off that I was actually shocked (couldn't believe they could still shock me). It was on how parents overpraise their children. It really showed how LITTLE they know about human psychology. They say that we live in a culture where people feel a sense of entitlement. This is caused by parents praising their children over each of their accomplishments.

  In their usual non specific comments about who is saying what, they say: "Researchers have noted a disturbing trend: Many young adults are entering the workforce with a marked sense of entitlement - an attitude in which they expect success, even if they have done little to earn it." True enough, however I can't research the "researchers" that stated this. But that's not the problem.

  They continue: "What is behind it? ...Many fathers and mothers thus began lavishing a constant flow of praise upon their children, even when those children did nothing particularly praiseworthy. Each accomplishment, no matter how small, was celebrated. ...Making children feel good about themselves became more important than teaching them to accomplish things that they could actually feel good about. ...Praising children simply to make them feel good cause them to develop a distorted view of themselves. "

  How does the WT say to solve the problem? "Do not dole out praise just to make your children feel good about themselves. Likely, it will not work."

  WHA?!?!? Interestingly, seemingly to ancknoweldge the harshness of this stance, there is a footnote in the article that says, "The Bible does not advocate physical or emotional abuse of children (why did they leave out sexual?). The goal of correction is to teach, not to provide an outlet for a parent's anger."

  The WT clearly does not understand human, or more specifically CHILD psychology. Very few professionals would agree with them. People that enter the workforce with this sense of entitlement and over inflated view of themelseves are usually suffering from very LOW self esteem. They were victims of being overly criticised by their parents. Sometimes this is the case with bullies too. It's not that they feel so good about themselves and feel better than everyone that they decide to pick on others. It is because they were NOT praised by parents.

  To support this, I did some research on what psychologists are saying about this claim that parents that overpraise children are raising overly self confident people. Dr. Kenneth Barish, the author of "Pride and Joy" said: It has become common in recent years for parents to be warned about the dangers of praise. We are told that frequent praise, although intended to bolster a child’s self-confidence and self-esteem, may instead create increased anxiety and ultimately undermine her initiative and confidence. ...In this view, when praise is cheap, children fail to learn the importance of hard work. The critics ask, how can children learn the need for effort and perseverance when they are not challenged to do better, when they are given A’s for C work, awarded trophies for just showing up, and only hear good things? My own experience—and, I believe, a correct reading of the research on praise—teaches a different lesson. In three decades of clinical practice, I have met many discouraged, angry, and unhappy children. I have met demoralized kids who were unable to sustain effort when they encountered even mild frustration or disappointment, and others who had developed attitudes of entitlement.

  And the culprit is not praise, but criticism. Most of these children were over-criticized; very few were overpraised. Children need praise. We all do. From early in life, children look to us for praise and approval, and to share moments of pride. Of course, I do not recommend praise (or, for that matter, expressions of sympathy or solace) that is unrealistic or insincere. I certainly do not believe in empty praise.

  But I believe that we should be generous, not stingy, with our praise."

  (taken from http://www.childmind.org/en/posts/articles/2012-2-10-are-our-children-overpraised)
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  Christ Alone

  Psychologist Carol Dweck and her colleagues have conducted important research that demonstrates significant negative effects of praising children’s abilities , rather than their effort. These studies have also shown important positive effects when children were taught that effort, not innate ability, was the key to success. Dweck distinguishes two types of beliefs, or mindsets, that children (and adults) hold about the nature of our abilities. Children with a fixed mindset regard abilities, including intelligence, as unchangeable traits. Children with a growth mindset believe that our abilities can improve with effort.

  It seems to me that the WT took the term "Overpraise" and instead of understanding what child psychologists were saying about it, just ran with it on their own. There is absolutely NO reference material in the article other than "Researchers have noted..."

  What "Researchers have noted" is that children are either NOT praised enough, or praised over the WRONG thing (ability over effort).

  While a few years ago the worry was that overpraising leads to narccisism, it has now been shown that a narccisistic person usually does not have proper self esteem and to compensate puts on a show of being entitled in order to survive.
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  Christ Alone

  Now, that is not to say that overpraising can't be done. You can get carried away with it. Merely inflating a childs ego can be damaging as he will see that this sort of praise does not happen in the real world. He will be confused later in life as to why all the praising stopped. This can be done by overpraising a child's intelligence, instead of their effort.

  Many researchers have come to the conclusion that overpraising only has to do with overpraising the WRONG thing. Overpraising a childs intelligence can be damaging to future growth. But strongly praising their effort will not be.

  However, the WT cannot be bothered to read the end of the articles and see what conclusion the actual researchers came to.
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  Phizzy

  Yes, they are lazy bastards even in the little bit of research they do bother to do.

  The sad thing is that in the process they ruin lives, but they really do not give a s**t.

  As I say, bastards, and heartless with it.
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  Christ Alone

  I remember being young (maybe 12 or 13) and my mom telling me how my aunt screwed up her kids. My mom actually said, "She made them all feel TOO good about themselves and it makes me sick. Everytime they would do something right, she was praising them for it! That's because she isn't as close to Jehovah's organization as she should be, and they tell us not to do that."

  Until I read the 1/13 article, I was unaware that the WT actually HAD said that. I'll have to research it and see where else they said it. Obviously my mom had read it in the past.

  Along those lines, I grew up with HORRIBLE self esteem. My parents were not abusive and my family was somewhat happy in many ways. But I was not praised for my accomplishments. There was little to no acknowledgement when I brought home A's on my report card. There was some praise here and there, but not much. I'm not sure if that is what led to my lack of self esteem or not. High school was torture for me. I was a loner type and was constantly picked on. I don't even like remembering high school.
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  trailerfitter

  We should actually isten to children, give them the respect they deserve. I was thrown out of my JW serving wifes house for contradicting her. My son said she was rubbish. He was referring to the amount of time she took getting upstairs to read him a story, and yes this is true.... always has to just tidy up or read some more of that awake garbage.... She was livid at his statement. shouting and screaming.

  She should have discussed it with him rather than punish him. I understood exactly what he was talking about we'd discussed it. Although she was saying it was disrespectful and he shouldn't say things like that about adults. She is wrong. He has formed and gave an honest opinion. ( I think in all honestly is that she knew she was wrong and couldn't admit it). She also is the sort of person who has never asppologized to anyone. My son doesn't like her much.. Where is the love JC was preaching about?
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  man oh man

  Now once that child becomes a pioneer, then the praising begins!!!!!! hahahaha

  A pat on the back should be given even if for no other reason than to encourage. These watchtower and awake writers are morons.
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  wha happened?

  They don't understand any psychology and quickly dismiss this medical field.
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  ÁrbolesdeArabia

  The Watchtower needs to hire people (writers) who understand what they are writing about, not some hacks who regurgitate some rogue study done by one or to social science workers.

  We regress back to pre-1950s psychoanalysis of the infant/child's bond with hers/his relationship with Mother. Old shrinks believed newly born and young babies were not interested in affection or love, their crying was related to their need to feed or have their behind's changed.

  "The second viewpoint of this time period was that of the behaviorists. John Locke appeared centuries before one of the most well-known behaviorist, John B. Watson, and held the belief that children are born "blank slates" and that the environment could completely shape them into the people they would become. They warned that motherly affection toward children was dangerous, and that children should be treated as young adults. Robert Karen (1994) states, "In his famous 1928 book on child rearing, Watson wrote: 'Treat them as though they were young adults. Dress them, bathe them with care and circumspection. Let your behavior always be objective and kindly firm. Never hug and kiss them, never let them sit on your lap. If you must, kiss them once on the forehead when they say goodnight. Shake hands with them in the morning. Give them a pat on the head if they have made an extraordinary good job of a difficult task'" (p. 3). The behaviorists were perhaps the first "baby trainers" believing that as long as the infant's physical needs were met within a strict schedule, the infant should not be coddled. Sadly, some people still hold this belief in today's society as shall be discussed later in this paper

  http://whynottrainachild.com/articles/attachment-theory/

  The Slave love to have the friends run up to them at Conventions and say "What a fantastic talk you gave (even though it was trash, I remember listening to Fred Franz give a talk in the 1990s down in San Diego via telephone link. It was horrible and the crowd cheered like Jesus Christ was giving the part!) The moral of this story, don't praise the "Snakes in Suits" from Bethel, treat them the way "Harry Harlow" treated the Rhesus monkies that received no attention and fell apart.

  I would love to know what "Erikson" (the greatest child psychologist ever, who loved getting the message out to change how parents needed to provide attention, love and praise to these little attention magnates!) would have thought of this new-lite from the Dubs on "overly praising children, instead of dread and chronic guilt the Slave prey's off, kids have self-esteem and feel good about themselves! I would love to debunk their sources, the only ones who feel self-entitled are the little dubs who left school in fifth-grade, never graduated and hit the field circus route. The kids are praised at Kingdom Halls for being a societal drag, providing nothing of tangible value to their community. What a sham!
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  Broken Promises

  Along those lines, I grew up with HORRIBLE self esteem. My parents were not abusive and my family was somewhat happy in many ways. But I was not praised for my accomplishments. There was little to no acknowledgement when I brought home A's on my report card. There was some praise here and there, but not much. I'm not sure if that is what led to my lack of self esteem or not. High school was torture for me. I was a loner type and was constantly picked on. I don't even like remembering high school.

  Ditto.