I want to drastically change my life. I am stagnating and will eventually drive my truck into an oncoming Semi Truck. Short of faking my death there are only so many things I can do. Here is my problem. I was raised a JW by my mother. My Dad just let it happen. I don't know why. He has never been outwardly religious so my only guess is that he just didn't care, or did not think it was dangerous. So not recieving any clear direction and being told that the END was soon I just floated through life. Floating for dubs is the worst because you can't even become a hippie and smoke weed and float with some style. You just exist, like wraith waiting for the END. That doesn't mean I never learned anything. I have always been curious about EVERYTHING. The problem for JW youths were are too aware is that you never fit in. You see the BS so you don't swallow it all. As a consequence of that you don't progress in the ORG. On the flip-side you don't progress anywhere, really. With no " formal " education there is only so much you can do. I was an athletic country boy so sports could have been an option if I wasn't a dub, I could have been one hell of a runningback, but that never happend. How about the military? My Father was in the Navy so I could have went. I trained for BUDs when I was first married ( secretly ), I think I was waking up already and seeing that JW life was not adding up so training was my way of preparing for a possible escape. Still I decided not to go that route because when it came down do it I knew I couldn't pull a trigger and end a life. I loved biology, and Geometry, and writing, but no college for Dubbies so.... I didn't do sh**.
Soooo... with no formal education what's a dub to do? How about Construction!?!?! Yippeee!!! It is great! You get all the physical trauma of sports or the military, without all the medical support or insurance! It's great I tell ya! There is nothing like 60hrs of back-breaking labor for years while at the same time going to 5 meetings a week. The best part is the total lack of appreciation for your worth as an individual. Then there is the blessing of volunteering at KH builds but not being allowed to count your time. Of course Brother can't read a measuring tape-doughnut in hand Mc Pudsmack is counting his time.. So is Brother secretly gay cake decorator. Then the constant aggrevation of the Ms. wondering when her man will be used in the Congregation like Brother McPudwacker. But I digress... So I AM getting older, I COULD fulfilled a CAREER. My biggest contribution to this planet at this point is my daughter, how did that happen, well you know HOW. It was not a planned pregnancy. I love kids and could be surrounded by them all day, but some people do not feel that way. So I have wonderful child who I try to de-program at every opportunity. That includes speaking about the value of education and contributing to society. JW's I love you as people, but by and large you are parasites. You take and you give nothing back because you are judgmental and you feel that you are entitled to take. My daughter will NOT be that way!
So I am thinking of continuing my own education because I cannot continue working at the pace I am keeping. You DO get old, time does start to catch up! I figure I can set an example. Don't judge but my daughter home school's. It's not all bad, especially when her school is overrun with drugs and has a full time police force with drug dogs, not to mention students being arrested on a regular basis and it's not even High School yet. She is an excellent student. She loves to write and she excells at Math. So I have some time to plan, but not much. In my mind this is a war. I have to plan accordingly. She is already well beyond the average age of baptism for dubs. It is only a matter of time before they start pressuring her. Her mother takes her in service or arranges for it during the week, so who knows what she is hearing. I can't be there to be the voice of reason. All I can do is be watchful and do what I can when I am with her. Then the god-awful YPA videos come into play! I almost puked during the meeting. Meetings... I the people, some more than others. Each meeting is a torture session. I have been recording them for fun and to keep from going mad. I have been recording field service conversations too. I figure being a double-agent might help me keep my sanity. If I can work out the kinks, I thought of posting funny audio from the meetings and service. Maybe a bi-monthly post called " Tales from the Thinkingest ". Its just a germ of a thought at this point...
Well, I have to work now. I just thought i would rant and rave. I welcome any suggestions about education. Maybe you know of reputable on-line courses? I am so ignorant about those thing that I would probably get taken. Ok, have a great day everyone and thanks for listening, or just being tolerant, whatever the case may be.
