Never, never was 100% in

pontoon

Over 40 yrs baptized, service, builds, talks and talks and talks that I put countless hours of prep into, elder, meetings, assemblies,----you all know. But through it all I never bought the whole truth idea 100%. No matter what it was, meeting, service, assemblies, I just COULDN'T wait for it to END. Always felt bored to death, let me out of here, I got things to do. One thing I'm proud of, I was never guilted into pioneering, just doing the bare minimum field service I could get away with. One month a long long time ago I did pioneer hours unofficially but only because of the pioneer sister I got to work with each day. It wasn't worth it. How many felt that way? How many still in feel that way? Thing is for so many years I believed it was my fault I didn't appreciate the truth like I should and everyone else did, so at times I really tried, but it all just never worked for me, I'm sure if it wasn't for family I would have never been a JW.

tenyearsafter

Wow...I could have written that post! Your story mirrors mine so closely it is scary...I guess there are/were alot of us "going through the motions" folks out there.

sir82

Looking back, I realize I never really fully bought into it either. I never really truly believed that the world would end in a fiery cataclysm followed by a paradise.

Lazarus

Agree 100% to every sentence you wrote. Still in, can barely stand it any longer.

I'm happy that I even when I sort of believed never made more then 10 hours and just the absolute minimum in any way.

Now I'm down to 1-2 hours a month, no comments, no cleaning, no anything. Bad enough.

punkofnice

Deja vue

I keep remembering what that is!

punkofnice

I hated elders meetings, meetings, failed circus the whole kit and kaboodle but I thought it was 'the nearest thing'(TM) to the truth(TM).

As an elder when I made the rota I used to put myself on car park duty during the watchtower....and I didn't listen to it on the headphones either. Awful drudgery.

If the truth be known there isn't one person that is 100% but they put up and shut up to save face.

bigmac

I was never guilted into pioneering,

thank you god mmwwoooaaahhh wonderful words--i can still remeber--50 years ago--obergruppenfeuhrer RON DRAGE (district servant) guilt tripping me and other kids into giving up careers to become pioneers. bastard.

punkofnice

Ron Drage OMG there's an unwelcome blastard from the pastard.

I always had some hang-up with the religion when I was 'in' but I learned to bury it and carry on regardless. I thought Jehovah(TM) would come to the rescue. Now I realize a trademark imaginary god invented by the WBT$ can do funk all!

Jehovah(TM) never helped me one bit!

cobaltcupcake

I agree. I tried so hard to be zealous, and I succeeded for short spurts. I temporary pioneered every summer as a teen, aux. pioneered frequently when I was married, regular pioneered twice - even went to Pioneer School - all the while hating the field ministry. Moved to where the need was greater, making a huge financial sacrifice.

But I always ended up in a nearly inactive slump, angry at Jehovah, angry at the organization, angry at my husband. Went through depression/anxiety many times. Always felt guilty and never good enough (especially since my Golden Boy brother was at Bethel for 18 years).

I finally admitted that the organization and Jehovah had failed me and that the whole thing was a huge corrupt mess. After 33 years of trying, I left at age 45. I've lost my family, but at least I'm at peace with myself.

Satanus

Well, you're here 200%, w you double post, heh.

Anyhow, maybe, i wasn't in 100%, either. There were lots of things i liked, and many things that just didn't work for me. I can't correlate what i am now, compared to what i was born into and grew up in, up to when i left in my 40's. Doesn't compute.

Never, never was 100% in

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