I really hate funerals and memorials and avoid them as much as I can. Looking back on the few I have attended over the past ten years I guess I only go to them because of the people who are left behind. Since I didn't know the Bryant's or any of their family members I find the draw that I have to this service even more confusing. I hate churches and religious presentations of any kind and just walking into a church has made me cringe ever since I left the JW religion. I have thought about this for several days.
What I have come up with is I am going for the only ones that I do know who the Bryant's left behind, that is all of you guys as well as myself. I fell that the people on this board need to be represented at this service. We, in a very strange way are part of his family and have been ever since the JW's turned their backs and their hearts on the Bryant family. When you are disfellowshipped you enter a no-mans land. You are no longer a JW and you don't quite fit into the rest of the world. It seems like the only ones who come close to understanding who you are is other exJW's. I only wish that Robert could have found this board. Who knows maybe something said or someone here could have helped him if he did. I think about cases like this when the flame wars start. You just never know who is reading our words and what state of mind they are in.
Robert Bryant and his family were one of us as strange as that may sound. We did not cause what he did but maybe we are the only ones on the planet who can at least understand it a little. I'll never understand a person who wants to kill his whole family but maybe it was more that he felt he "needed to" more than "wanted to." I can definitely understand entertaining thoughts about taking my own life because I have had those exact thoughts many years ago. The only thing that kept me from pulling the trigger was the love I had for my kids and the thought that they needed me.
Maybe Robert Bryant's desire to end his life was so overwhelming that the thought of leaving his family behind to possibly be talked into going back to the religion by his parents made him decide to end their lives also. It makes one think, if the control over a persons life is so complete and seen as such a terrible thing that you would rather die and take your family with you, maybe this might open a few eyes. It's tragic that how important or how dangerous something is usually does not become realized until a tragedy occurs.
This whole thing is so sad. I will be taking all of you with me today. You will be in my mind and my heart. I will do my best to represent JW.com with pride and loving understanding.
Dave
