Hi Everyone. I have posted on here a little, and I thought I should probably introduce myself the best I can right now. I stumbled upon this site and told my sister about it. Then, sometime later she started discussing things with me that's she has seen or read (she's in therapy, as well, which probably has made her kind of rethink things). We were born ins. I am currently df'd. I am trying to get reinstated, but my heart is not in it. I have some older friends I want to help when the time comes that they may need it. They would accept me as inactive but not df'd. There are very personal issues involved in this that I'd rather not go into, but suffice it to say, I'm trying due to the "friends & family" reason.
My marriage fell apart earlier this year and that devastated me. I have struggled with deep depression over this to the point of hospitalization earlier this summer. Like a lot of former (and current) JW's, I have anxiety disorders and all that good stuff.
I'm female, mid thirties, and still very confused. I don't believe the GB has the abilities they are given credit for having. In fact, I can't really see as they're needed at all. Being on the outside as a df'd one (twice) has made me question many things. I feel like I have the potential to be free of all the feelings of impending doom, never being good enough, constant guilt, and so on. But it hasn't happened over night, and I think that's probably normal especially for a 'born in'. So most days I try to keep my head above the water as far as the depression. I am being treated for it. And I've been doing research for myself and trying to understand things that I never thought to question before. I get no support emotionally from any JW, and I have found much more support here than I ever thought. Many things have changed and are changing for me right now. My head kind of spins at times. But this is my 'little' story, and I'm so glad there are ones here who care and listen and understand. I think, in the end, that's all most of us want. Btw, my spelling is atrocious. And I apologize in advance for future spelling errors. :)
Thanks