Welcome and thanks for the intro post!
Left in the Cold: I feel like I have the potential to be free of all the feelings of impending doom
You do, you can, you will!
Naturally, being disfellowshipped, you have been Left in the Cold by the congregation and your former JW friends. But you will find much support here.
BTW, don't worry about spelling errors, we can deal with that!
In the meantime, be assured that we understand your need to get reinstated for family & the few friends that will be true. But don't be surprised if even then as an inactive one many don't cast you by the wayside. It's just the way they are.
00DAD