If you REALLY want to help your friend, read Steven Hassan's book:
I Thing Being Friends With My Jehovah Witness Friend is Taking A Mental Toll On Me?
by TheNurseInBlack 29 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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nochoice
I really love her and she's my best friend but being paranoid all the time about this its starting to really get to me.
Are your intentions romantic? Do you want a future with her? If so, you have only two choices:
Choice 1) Convert and be a JW, either for real or for appearances. Either way, your life will be nothing like it is now. And no matter how wonderful she is, no matter how gorgeous, a girl is not worth either becoming a JW or faking being a JW for the rest of your life.
Choice 2) Get her out. Some have already commented on how to help her do this. This would be the best thing for her in the long run. It's true that you may lose her friendship in the process, but as some have mentioned, even if you shake up her faith a little, she will be in a better state than before, even if she shuns you.
The very best advice is to read as many comments on this forum as possible. There are so, so many insights here. And there is not one single post on JWN that would ever make you decide to make Choice 1! You'll read about those of us who are "in" simply to continue relationships with husbands or wives or moms or dads or thier kids. You'll read about people who would love to be in your position - out of the organization with thier family in tact. There is absolutely nothing good to be gained in this religion.
Good luck.
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Band on the Run
I thought you were a Witness at one time. Do you know why she never discussed religion with you and is insisting that you convert to her religion? She could convert to your view. I feared rejected by extended family my entire life. They were very devout. Bethelite and very deferenial aunt. I would have to sit through very long JW conversations. It seemed rude to break them when it was their entire life. They had very different temperaments from me. Well, they ignored my transgressions in the end. They just pretended I was not going to college as I departed for school from their home. Our Xmas tree was never mentioned.
I would prefer we were all worldly. If I had insisted on what they wanted to impose on me, my view, I would have had no relationsihp with them. It is a rough road to nagivate.
Everyone is different. If she were always a fervent JW, it would have been the first thing she mentioned to you, even before "hello."
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tiki
i am getting a sense that this person really cares and needs you...you represent an escape hatch....the fact that she kept her religious situation under cover for a period of time, while confiding in you tells me she needs an objective and caring friend. be there for her....and just be real, with no religious entanglements hanging over your head. ie...forget religion and just be a geniune caring friend......:) best to the both of you!
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snare&racket
Hey nursey xxx
it is a very hard thing to maintain. They dont realise how brainwashed they are and it is easy to forget how brainwashed we were. Theyconstantly make comments and statements that are a real struggle to not pick up on.... Even calling the cult "the truth" or saying things like "when will you come back?"
The whole time, you daren't express too much as you will lose them as 'friends'.
its hard. After 6 years, all I can say is.... My new non JW friends argue that these people cant be friends, if they were they would not care what. Beleved,or said about my old religion. The fact we are happy tmbe friends with them despite thinking they are in a cult, just shows,how unbalanced the relationship is.
its hard... But eventually all but one of my friends decided we had to part ways. There are some things it is impossible to NOT speak up against..blood, history of jws, the world getting worse, prohecy, the bible etc etc etc and eventually they all drop away.
Thankfully I have a pile of awesome new friends who dont care if i worship Zeus or Krusty the clown. Sorry to hear you are struggling, pm me if u want to chat x
snare
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ÁrbolesdeArabia
You can always cut her out of your life, she is not going to stop trying to convert you. Are you any good with the Bible?
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ÁrbolesdeArabia
You can always cut her out of your life, she is not going to stop trying to convert you. Are you any good with the Bible?
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The Searcher
Sorry to contradict the generalisation being made by some here, but I do not fit into the "mould" which most Witnesses accept as presented to them.
I have been very close friends with a non-practicing Catholic for many years. He is closer to me and more trustworthy than even my Body of Elders - a group of men whom I would not trust as far as I could throw!!
And for any lurkers who question my assessment of them, it is based on them closing ranks when confronted by one their fellow elder's serious wrongdoing; reaction - sweep it under the carpet, no JC, and not even a Public Reproof!!!
By their fruits you will know them.
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tornapart
I think the best way to keep her friendship is to say to her that you don't believe the things she believes and it's best to keep religion out of your conversations (as you have done for the past two years).
It is possible for JWs to have a few close non-JW friends (I've done it). There are many other things you can talk about without talking about religion. Tell her that you love being her friend and want to stay her friend but that you are finding the 'religious talk' uncomfortable. If she's a true friend then it won't make any difference to her.
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TheNurseInBlack
Sorry for the late reply. We've been fine now and she's very open and I tell her as much as I can that I love her. Thank you for confirming that these relationships can work.