larc,
Sorry for the redundancy, I was pasting from WordPad and didn't see your post until too late.
Cj,
I feel for you and I hope things work out.
PREMARITAL SEX
by Cj 16 Replies latest social relationships
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amicus
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Frenchy
Thank you, Amicus.
Cj:
Please do not take this as a personal attack on your character. I only meant to be helpful. I never condemned you nor do I do so now. I also don't condone what you did either. You stated: "I know that making love outside of marriage is not encouraged." Perhaps part of your problem is not understanding the difference between something that is not encouraged and something that is condemned. There is a great difference. The use of the word ‘sin' is not politically correct these days. Seems that everything today is all right since it is wrong to pass ‘judgment' (‘judgment' being any opinion that might cast a negative light on someone's conduct) on anything. I don't hold to that philosophy. If that offends you then so be it, I make no apologies for my stand on this.I,personally, feel that it is far better to make love to the one person you will spend your life with {even out of wedlock} then it is to have random,meaningless sex.
No one has suggested the latter so your statement is meaningless.
It would be nice if we could've been able to say that we waited till we were married legally,but we didn't.We know we should have waited.The past is the past,we can't change it.All we can do is prevent it from happening again until we are legally man and wife.
Much better attitude. You KNOW that you should have waited because you say so. That means that you should not become defensive and try to justify it when your error is called to your attention.
What I was asking for wasn't criticism..I was asking if anyone knew how I should handle the situation.
There are no quick fixes to this. Understanding the depth of the problem is the first step in dealing with it. Don't justify what you did with the parents. Admit to them what you admitted here...You KNOW WHAT YOU DID WAS WRONG AND YOU DON'T WANT TO DO IT AGAIN. You start from there. When you make this admission you take away all their ammunition. What can they tell you now? Tell them of your intentions to wed and that you will be part of their lives and that you want this to be as pleasant as possible.
No one is calling you evil. What you did does not make you evil. As larc so delicately put it, we have all erred. I respectfully disagree with his evaluation of the relevance and gravity of this act as I do with waiting's as well. I believe I understand their point of view which to them is valid. I certainly don't consider them evil for their view, on the contrary I have learned to respect both of them for their wisdom and insight. Please feel free to disagree with my views as well.-Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it-
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dontknow
Hello Cj,
I would like to begin by saying I am not a JW and after having read some posts from people whos lives have been shattered I don't intend to become one; not because I don't believe in Jesus and Jehovah, no quite the contrary; I cannot under any circumstances take an oath to abide by the man made regulations which govern the watchtower society becuase it is not inspired by Jehovah. I have studied the bible in the past and love and believe and try to practice what the scriptures teach but have never been baptised.
It is a very good thing to have found your soul mate and both of you are obviously very much in love. I must admit to you that I am no expert in relationships, but do yourself a favor and stop tearing your hair out. The fact that you had pre-marital sex does NOT necessarily mean you have sinned. Yes, the bible does not encourage pre-marital sex but I have consulted with a senior JW a very log time ago (I was employed by him in retail) if sex before marriage was OK and he replied to me by saying only if the man and woman get married. It is not good if both of you have sex out of lust, split up and go your seperate ways according to bible scriptures. The WT society many years ago published a red hardcover book titled "How can you live everlasting life on Paradise Earth" or something like it (maybe others on the forum can provide a more accurate title). Anyway, in it Jesus says that all people christians and non christians of all lands should marry. So far you havn't done anything wrong. When Jehovah created Adam and Eve, he gave strict instructions not to eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge for the day they do they will positively die. Eve was decieved by Satan and ate the fruit and also encouraged Adam to have some. So they both sinned.
Adam knew that God instructed them not to eat the fruit but he disobeyed. Why? We know Eve encouraged him but there is another reason. He ate the fruit because he loved Eve his wife so much he didn't want to leave her but to be with her, remain joined with her in marriage. This is why when a man leaves his mother and father he marries his woman and the two become one flesh and let nothing come between them; this is what true love between man and woman is all about; LET NOTHING COME BETWEEN YOU.
As far his parents and your parents are concerned, in my opnion they should definitely not interfere at all, and if his parents insist you should not marry, this is very important, ask them to prove to both of you where in the bible does it say a christian cannot marry a non christian; or a JW not marry a JW. This watchtower doctrine written by man and not inspired by God or bible scriptures which JW swear and abide by is being thrust upon you in such a violent way to discourage you and your soulmate to part because you are seen as a worldly person. Please for your both your own well being and future happiness get a hold of the book I mentioned, read it carefully and highlight the section Jesus spoke about marriage and show these people who berate you not to be hypocrites. Do not contact these people or say anything to them until you do what I mentioned. You can jump up and down till the cows come home telling them I love him, I love him, I'm going to marry him no matter what, but it will not amount to anything until you find that quote and stick it in their face and say to them "see this is what your own watchtower book says and you are going against it hypocrites".
If you dont't do this, they will gang up on you, pester you until they break you to leave him. I can see you really want to share your life with him and it will be very very sad to see you both split because of a silly doctrine. I hope this helps you in any way for your happiness.
Wishing you well
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dontknow
Cj,
I made a mistake in the 4th paragragh. It should read a JW not marry a non JW.
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Fe2O3Girl
Wow, this thread is six years old! I wonder if Cj and her JW have been married for six years now, or what happened to them?
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bikerchic
dontknow welcome to JWD!
Cj,
I made a mistake in the 4th paragragh. It should read a JW not marry a non JW.
FYI Cj probably will not reply to you as Cj is probably not currently viewing this forum. If you note the date of her post is '01/January. Most of the members who replied to her thread no longer post here either.
Just wanted to let you know so you don't think Cj is ignoring your comment to her. When you bring an old topic to the top (bttt) just be aware you are going to be rehashing an old subject which isn't bad in and of itself it's just that many (sometimes) of the members are no longer active. You can always click onto their member name and see how recently they've posted.
Hope this helps and again welcome to JWD!
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Paralipomenon
You said that your fiance was "raised a JW". The big question is, is he still a JW or has he left the organization?
If he has left they really shouldn't care one way or the other. Technically they should be shunning their son in order to preserve their faith. If he is still a member then if they are mad now I doubt anything would change their mind short of your conversion to the JW faith.
They really are a very narrow minded religion.
They most likely held out hope that their son would "see the error of his ways" that is, marrying you, and return before he got too involved. Now having premarital sex he has now "defiled" himself. They may likely assume that their son was tricked or seduced by you and not a willing participant since they raised him with "good wholesome values".
I am not writing this to condemn you or your actions, but to give insite into what is likely going through their minds. You will never match up to a "fine JW wife" in their eyes, any effort to attain their blessing or at very least tolerance will be futile, unless they start to doubt their own faith.
I don't envy your position, but these forums are a great place for advice and questions pertaining to JW's