My son's heart is broken

ruderedhead

I'm sure someone here has experienced this before. Please help me help my son. His wife of 15 months told him last night that she needs her space, that what she wanted 1 year ago isn't the same as what she wants now. He is destroyed. She is the love of his life. Please allow me to give you a little background: They met 9 years ago, he had graduated H.S., she was entering senior year. They have had to live in different states while dating due to jobs/university. They always found a way to wind up living together. When the financial crisis hit in'08, he lost his job and moved back to our home state to pursue an advanced degree, which he achieved this spring. She moved back as well a few months after him as she had secured a job in her field, but 2 hours away from where he went to school. They married last Summer. He spent 3 days a week with her, and once he finished his degree he lived there permanently until 3 months ago, when he had to again live here part time as this is where he is able to find work, due to connections. He tried to find work where they have an apt., but could not. So he leaves early from work every Fri., to go back, and heads back here Monday morning. I realize this is not an ideal situation. But she has no desire to move back here, and he was unable to find a job there. He has asked for time to get more experience under his belt, in the hope that he will be more marketable there. He's simply asking for 3-6 months. She does not want him to come back to their apt. on the weekends anymore to give her time to sort it out. They have been talking all weekend, as she has been in town, and she seems determined. I am going to suggest counseling. She was telling her parents last night. My husband thinks she has found someone else. I prefer to think not. I am hoping this is just an awful bump in the road. I have never seen my child look like this. We are not allowed to tell anyone, even our daughters, as he is hoping they can work it out. I, too, am hopeful. He is crushed, and I cannot stop crying. My son's heart is broken, and for this, I will never trust her again. Any suggestions on how to help?

mrsjones5

I think your husband is on the right track. The girl has found something she wants more than her husband. That sucks and I feel bad for your son.

unstopableravens

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talesin

I agree with mrsjones. Or,

Like myself - married my first boyfriend after being together for years, later realized that it was a mistake, no other guys involved. We just married too young. Yes, I broke his heart. In the long run, though, he was living with someone within a year, they married and have a teen daughter now. He's very happy, from what I hear from mutual acquaintances.

Sorry for the pain, it's so hard.

Oh -sorry,, help .. just my opinion. Well, just be there for him, support his choices. It's their marriage, only they can decide. And if she is done, she's done.

tal

perfect1

Sometime in a long distance relationship you get united by trying to overcome the distance. Once that drama- will we, wont we, is gone, you are left with just the two of you.

I would respectfully suggest that you might be able to support your son better if you were not so emotionally overwrought (crying all day) or passing judgement.

jamiebowers

I'm sorry you and your son are going through this difficulty. But if your daughter-in-law was certain of her love for your son, she certainly wouldn't want more time away from him. Regardless of whether she's found someone else, she doesn't want her husband. Encourage your son to mourn the loss and then keep himself busy with starting a new life of his own. Even if she has a change of heart, he may decide that he likes his new life without her.

All you can do is be there for him by advising that "This too shall pass", point out his good qualities, and encourage him to go on with his life. If she's as determined to end this marriage as she seems, she probably will refuse counseling. Your son's circumstances surrounding his job are no fault of his own.

I have two younger sisters who are married to Navy men. They spend months apart from their husbands. Your daughter-in-law could have it much worse than she already does.

scary21

I also think she met someone.... Youth and distance = you know

NeverKnew

Sadly, I agree with others. She's seeing someone else.

I remember my devastation when my husband and I were leaning towards divorce. I had to remind myself that we could ALWAYS re-marry if things worked out but for liability reasons, I needed to end it.

Having been there? If it were me? I'd call her on it, send her the divorce papers, label it as divorcing for irreconcilable reasons, pray she's not pregnant, and push it through. Getting a divorce doesn't always mean you don't love the other person. It could mean he's deciding not to be legally tied to someone who doesn't love him the way he deserves to be loved.

Things could work out in a couple of years. In the meantime, he can focus on getting the experience he'll need for the future that's coming whether he's with her or not.

Lozhasleft

It's awful to think the worst of her but unless there is someone else splitting with your son doesn't sound reasonable. Watching our own children suffer in love is one of the hardest things.

Loz x

Theocratic Sedition

She doesnt want him back and there's no property or children involved? Just an apartment and some paperwork?

My son's heart is broken

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