My son's heart is broken

by ruderedhead 42 Replies latest jw friends

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  FlyingHighNow

  I want to say that I don't get the idea you are trying to meddle in your son's relationship. I respect you for that. Some may suspect a triangle has developed. From watching people here and there in my life, I have this to say: I think it isn't fair for anyone but your son to judge if his ladylove has found another. For someone else to do so would be jumping to conclusions that may or may not be true. Let that be for him to decide to look into or inquire about or not. He needs wisdom, patience, love and support from you and anyone he might confide in or turn to for comfort. She deserves the benefit of the doubt. It could complicate things and cause problems and hurt, to worry otherwise, since it is your son's love relationship. He deserve to find out what's going on for himself, without people from the outside stepping in.

  I've seen well meaning people: friends and family, lose friends and ruin relationships trying to interfere when there is suspected or even confirmed cheating. I've always thought it best if the couple deal with it themselves. I believe the outcome is better if an involved partner sincerely asks, if there is a strong suspicion of cheating.
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  ruderedhead

  Thank you Toth, I know he will get over it at some point. Leftinthe Cold, I will definately watch his behavior for depression, but he has a large circle of friends who will support him as well. FlyingHighNow, thank you, and you are correct, I am NOT saying much or trying to get involved. We are keeping it very quiet right now, his sisters don't even know.

  I am hopeful that she will have a change of heart, and am grateful that he is keeping me posted. He told me some more last night, and I mostly listened. I am sad that he had to file for divorce yesterday, but that is srtictly so if it does come to that, it can be done in our county, because to get an attorney 2 hours away would be expensive in time and money. And she is the one who filed, so she will have to be inconvenienced, not him. He has engaged an attorney( a woman) who is a pitbull, and who even called last night to see how he was doing after having had to file.She is a friend of the older son.

  But my d-i-l HAS agreed to visit a marriage counselor just once. I hope that may lead to this being put off. Some of the things my son told me last night that they have emailed about lead me to believe that she has not thought this through, and the counselor hopefully will help her to see that. My son is also meeting with her parents to see if they can give him some insight. He is doing everything he can to fix this, and I am simply trying to be supportive. I am not going to advise, as that is the job of the counselor and attorney, who have the experience and are the experts. I hope you don't think I'm being mean, but he told me something I found funny last night. She emailed asking if they could do this w/o attorneys. HELLO?! His brother is one, he is one, they have numerous friends who are attorneys! Apparently she has not engaged one yet. That is one of the things that make me think she has not thought this through. Hopefully they will work it out, and she will not need one.
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  caliber

  As his mother, please educate yourself on the difference between the grief of losing a spouse and major depression. If you see signs of major depression please urge him to get help. Even 'talk' therapy can go a long way. But I think right now that's what I would be most concerned about. His mental health and state of mind. You're a great mom!

  Thank you Toth, I know he will get over it at some point. Leftinthe Cold, I will definately watch his behavior for depression, but he has a large circle of friends who will support him as well. FlyingHighNow, thank you, and you are correct, I am NOT saying much or trying to get involved. We are keeping it very quiet right now, his sisters don't even know.

  The bond of marital love should not be tampered with but when things appear to be failing apart let no one second guess your maternal love either,

  anymore than we might try and second guess the absolute motive of your daughter-in-law. You are showing great love and restraint

  I believe you are playing this extremely fair and level headed .

  I think you are not just a great mom but a wonderful mom.

  How many years will it take to end this mothers love ?

  

  A mothers love is instinctual, unconditional and forever !