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newbe
by emperorslaundrist 41 Replies latest jw friends
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emperorslaundrist
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rebel8
I used to pray God would kill me before Armageddon so I wouldn't have to see all the dead babies.
OMG. You wanted to be among the survivors because you were one of the good ones, but you didn't want the horror show that was supposed to be the reward. Poignant.
I too had to retool my ethics after leaving. I am a much more ethical person now than I was when I was in the org.
Good luck :)
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free @ last
Welcome! So good to have you here. You sound mature beyond your years. I'm looking forward to reading more of your experience.
Free
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emperorslaundrist
rebel8 yup, pretty sick.
As a child listening to the meetings I remember figuring that my mom didn't have much of a chance of surviving, since she didn't go out in service enough. (wasn't inactive, mind you just not enough)
It was sort of a relief when she died, because then I knew she'd be resurrected.
my mind is so messed up from swallowing all this stuff whole.
I'm glad you found your way out to mental freedom :) -
fresh prince of ohio
-became a pious-sneer
hahahha - first time i've seen that one
welcome to the real world :)
2001 District Convention 'Korah' drama was what triggered my own sickening realization that the GB and their pack of "Bethel Heavies" underlings were utterly sociopathic and thus I couldn't possibly remain a JW.
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ziddina
Welcome, sweetheart!!
I feel for you - that restriction of your husband's - not allowing you to work or attend college...
I'd say, work AROUND him - talk to a career counsellor, talk to a social worker.
You're over 21 and you have rights that he CANNOT keep from you.
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LisaRose
Welcome! Nice to read your story, I look forward to hearing more about your journey of discovery and healing. Its amazing that you realized ttatt just by reading the Watchtower literature, after studying personality disorders. I agree, the WTBTS is a dysfunctional, out of control entity.
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Kool Jo
Welcome aboard!
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emperorslaundrist
@MrFreeze
Thanks! I hope not either
@mouthy
ty, I can really feel the love coming through your blog, hope to check it out soon.
@james_woods
thanks, sorry for such an unwieldy user name- shorten it to anything you'd like. I like EL because of it's biblical history.
(El is Baal, but also the title Lord Israelites used for Jehovah. Learned that from the Babylon the Great book so who knows)
@coffee_black
thanks! I'm a huge coffee-addict
@breakfast of champions
ty, i really feel welcomed
@PaintedToeNail
ty, better now then later, right :)
@clarity
ty, so glad I'm not alone
@finally awake
ty, me too ;P
@PrincessPeachz
:) ty
@cofty
thanks for the compliment. I met the speaker the morning of my baptism, and he mentioned me in his talk... but he said I was 12. At the time I thought he just forgot, now I wonder if he changed it because 10 is sort of controversial.
@Yan
ty and I really want to read those books!
@happy@last
yeah, my head's still reeling from this new perspective
@jwfacts
coming from you that's an amazing compliment. I want it very much to become true
@BlindersOff1
thank you :). unfortunately it was also my intelligence which drew others into an abusive relationship with this organization, and strengthened their faith in it. I have much to repent of.
@00DAD
Totally!
@cantleave
ty, i need every bit of luck I can get
@lostgeneration
i agree. I have my eye on a part-time job that a witness is offering, maybe that will be less threatening to my mate.
@brizzzy
I hope it doesn't come to that, but since wishful thinking has been my downfall I'll defiantly keep that possibility in mind.
@mind blown
thank you, as I'm a little distrustful of my mind at the moment it's nice to have my perspective validated.
@Blackbird Singing
thank you, I hope my posts live up to your expectations
@Pterist
hi fellow noob :) thanks for the tips, i didn't know that actually, this is my first time joining a forum.
@Tater-T
I love the lyrics of that song!! To get in my car and leave all the crazy behind me would be bliss. Thanks for sharing it.
@alfredjones100
Thank you for the advice. Reading through the angry posts reminds of forums I've read for children/spouses of personality disordered folks. which reconfirms my reasons for mentally leaving- WTS = Narcissist abuser.
I can't hate 'em entirely, much as I want to. They did give me much, I have a high tolerance for tedium for example. lol.
I haven't hit the angry stage yet, but I'm sure it'll be a dozy when I get there. I'll try not to get stuck
@free @ last
ty, i hope my contribution will be helpful
@fresh prince of ohio
hehe I like that one too, but it isn't mine, I stole it from this forum.
@ziddina
thanks! i never thought of a counselor. maybe I should talk to one, I've never given much thought about my hopes and dreams.
My husband's pretty nice most of the time. His mom abandoned his family, so his abandonment buttons are pretty sensitive. Still, I want to live a meaningful life, even though it might mean hurting him.
@LisaRose
Thank you. I had doubts before, but I've always been able to explain them away until now. You should of seen the logical fruit loops I made while studying the "Christan Freedom" study article this year.
Since none of the material on personality disorders mentioned JWs and I've seen it's principals play out over and over in real life, it was objective to me. It gives me context to understand my experience. It's more truth then "Truth" to me at the moment.
Today has been so encouraging. Thank you :) Sorry I still use borg language. Goodnight everyone -
smiddy
A very warm welcome
It`s always great to see newbies come on board , I wish you all the best with your hubby
smiddy