JW played me and broke my heart

by new22day 63 Replies latest jw friends

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  lost1

  Hi New22day. I dont post here much but your post touched a nerve with me. Your story is very similar to my story. Everything said on here is 100% true. jgnat gave me some good advice when I first posted. Yes me & this bozo were both in our 40's and he lied, kept me a secret, never met his family and it was one big fat lie after another. Took 6 months before I found out he was a jw and only coz I had nagging doubts and googled his name and a couple of posts on here came up. Lets say someone on here sure had it in for him for wrecking his marriage. I still never confronted him with this but have spoken privately to this person who told me bluntly to get my butt out of it! We were together a year which is not long but long enough and still now I have my moments when I wish things had been different. He has never once apologised or explained anything. He has now moved onto pastures new and I actually have some sympathy for his wife. Yes that was another small detail he omitted to say. It will take time but you will come out of it. I badly wanted to go to his KH and confront him but it would do no good, they will only believe him. He lived about 150 miles from me so from his point of view I would never just turn up on his doorstep one evening to surprise him. I could list all the excuses he came out with but its just too boring for words but suffice to say he had every illness going. With me nearly every rule was broken, in his jw life he was the model COBE, but he could lie for England. I was totally taken in but doubt if I will be the last in his line of conquests. Will take time but forget him, move on, find a friend you can cry on their shoulder, get drunk, but have FUN!! Life too short.

  If you ever want to chat please feel free to pm me.
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  lost1

  Outlaw - love the pic - likeness is uncanny!!!!
• 

  happytobefree

  New22day, he is/was a JW...but this does not excuse his horrible behavior. I don't have a love fest for JW's but most are good people.

  and may I ask why are you changing your phone number and giving him the power. I would definitely let him know if he texted or called me again...I will definitely contact the Elders and send them copies of the text. You sound like a wonderful person...put on your little black dress and get back out there and find a Good Man and not a little boy.

  This is not a JW character flaw...he is just not a GOOD person period. And he did not love or care about you at all. I've know some JW who have dated outside of the organization and even married...but have been great spouses without hiding their mates. Yes they received the side eye...but they still acknowledged their mate. I for one married outside of the JW, I was not fully accepted...but I would be damn if I would allow them to mistreat my husband (ex now). Actually when he would come to the KH..they treated him very well.

  Jnat...you really love your husband...he really wanted you to sit somewhere else. You must really really love him...because there is no way in hades. It made me upset just reading this. Wow!!!!
• 

  jgnat

  The emphasis on appearance, the unrealistic expectations (for both men and women), failure to take responsibility, and treating good, ordinary women as Jezebel, I would say, does create an unhealthy justification for these immature lotharios.

  I agree that not all JW men are bozos.
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  He was a "two-timer," "double-lifer." I would not doubt he will be that way the rest of his life. You are honest-hearted and he was not. He is not even worthy of being a "friend" to you. The nerve to even suggest being a friend now is a total insult!

  This was as far as I read in the thread.

  Get prepared to find out that he is engaged to some JW gal, probably 10 years or so younger than he. Then SHE should get prepared to learn he is cheating on her at some time in their marriage.

  Once a two-timing, liar, hypocrite. . . . . always a (yeah you got it).

  Move on babe! He's a DOG!!

  Doc
• 

  new22day

  Uh boy! Lost1 - man, did you get burned or what?! I'm so sorry you had this experience. That's beyond harsh and I can't even begin to understand how someone could be so brutal to another human being. WTF?! Honestly who does that? I think one thing Happy to be free pointed out is that there's a point where certain Bullshit goes beyond a religious background and some people are just bad people and dead inside. I realize that too. My child guy happened to be a JW, and perhaps that contributes somewhat to his bad behaviour but really some people are just bad people, period. I don't think it's my call to paint all JWs with one brush because I met an ass! You met an ass too. Poor us but there's more to both our stories than the JW thing. We met bad people but we don't have to let this crap be our story. I wish you all the best and thank you so much for sharing with me what happened to you. We are not alone! You were strong and walked away. I will too. Thanks for sharing!
• 

  new22day

  Ugh. So the righteous indignation has worn off and it is day 6 of no contact, which is very long for us, and yep, I'm feeling pretty blue again. He sent an email and actually apologized for all the pain he has caused me. He said he has been in limbo with us for a long time and was waiting to see if I would soften my stance on his beliefs (and come around) as they are clearly very important to him. He says it was my refusal to accept him and what he believed in, is what kept us in limbo. I don't know what to do with that. To his credit, he never once tried to convert me and said he thought it was personal decision to be in or out. We live in the same neighbourhood and last night when I drove home from grabbing groceries I saw his truck at the local watering hole. He spends a lot of time there. Not a drunk or anything but he goes to watch sports and yes, has a few beers. I find it strange in a way how much he seems to prefer spending time with people outside his faith. As my friends have said, there's nothing about him that would make one think he is highly religious. Anyhow, he said he cares so much about my feelings that he will leave me alone so I can move on. He hopes I will reconsider our 'friendship' as I'm one of the best friends he has ever had. F*ck - I feel terrible. I didn't respond. I do have to say that I feel bad for some of things I have said about his faith. :(
• 

  mrsjones5

  Hold tight. He's placing the blame on you for how he's treated you. Don't take it and don't believe it. Do not respond. Hold tight.
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  lost1

  This is soooo familiar!! Yep he is shifting the blame onto you. I had all that. Also the I am in a bad place, I need some time to myself mixed into the I have been ill, I have collapsed, my son had an accident (which to me was the worse one if he was using his son as an excuse), van broken down (yep was a window cleaner!). This one could lie for England! When you have a blue moment take the dog for a walk or borrow one, put some music on (nothing sad and especially not Adele), keep your mind busy and turn your phone off. Something loud and satanic works . He will no doubt get on with his life as if nothing happened. My mates said the same to me, they would never have guessed he was religious especially not jw and never once did he try and convert, nothing. Just goes to show what an expert at deception and lying he is/was.
• 

  Black Sheep

  He says it was my refusal to accept him and what he believed in, is what kept us in limbo.

  BS. It is always their refusal to confront problem facts/scriptures/science etc. that stuffs up their chance at having great relationships with Worldlys.

  I know. I was him.

  Either take control and make him confront every contradiction or nonsense he spouts, or run away and leave him to the Watchtower's implanted imaginary demons in his head. He is damaged goods, so if you want him, you are either going to have to put up with the damage, or fix it. I can assure you that you don't want to live with it.

  Be aware that, if you do manage to undo the damage and extract him from the cult, his family will probably treat you like a leper. There are exceptions to this, but you have to know how to play the game.