OTWO, you are quite an amazing person! What an enormous heart you have.
.....It is painful to watch...
by OnTheWayOut 53 Replies latest jw friends
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OnTheWayOut
My mother tried for a little while to bring up "Paradise" but it made my sister more mad at God to listen to Mom trying to give God some kind of credit and glory and pass hope on to a fictional future.
Mom just tries to be Mom now. She lives closer than I do and I ask Mom to get things to her on a semi-regular basis.
My sister and my father had a falling out with each other about 1995 and had not seen each other since then. I also got them to bury the hatchet and he visited her on her 50th birthday this past summer.
No unrealistic expectations there. He visited twice since.
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cult classic
I sometimes think about how I'll handle end of life issues or incapacities with my family and friends.
I think I will decide what is the minimum that I can do and still respect myself. Then on the days I can and want to do more, I will.
My MIL was a complete B up until the day she died. My husband refused to see or talk to her (she was his stepmom). He was in a peaceful place while she cursed his siblings' lives each time they visited and called.
I hope you make and keep the peace you deserve in this situation. You're a good brother and she should do her best to be a good sister.
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Adiva
It is painful to watch OTWO. We had to put my MIL into a nursing home last month. She will never see her home again.
It's not the watching her deteriorate in the nursing home that's so difficult. It's seeing her anger and bitterness toward her son. She tells everyone that he has stolen all her money and the reason she is in this predicament is his fault. (She fell, broke her hip and refuses to help herself get better.) She has dementia and maybe some of that talk is from the disease but she and my husband have always had a 'difficult' relationship. However seeing his face when she places the blame on him for EVERYthing breaks my heart. Just like you are a good brother, my husband is a good son.
Hang in there. You know who I am so, call me if I can help.
Adiva
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OUTLAW
Good Morning OTWO..
Wow!..
You have a lot on your plate..
Your a good brother..Very admirable..
............................. OUTLAW
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Open mind
I feel for you Jerry.
Our society really needs to reconsider allowing Dr.-assisted end of life.
om
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troubled mind
You are doing a good thing OTWO ,but it zaps your energy .
My advice to you is Be straight with your sister about her husband visiting .She is lying because she doesn't want you to be mad ,so have a calm discussion of why it is a bad idea to allow her husband too much leaway . Remind her of why she is in the home in the first place . Sickness may indeed be effecting her mind ,so you may need to have this conversation over ,and over again . Tell her your fears be honest with her too .
Sometimes you just have to realize you can only do so much, and then let it go . It sucks that you end up being the person that will have to pick up the peices if she makes a bad decision . It also stinks that you will be labeled the bad guy ,but what matters is that you know the truth and that you did what needs to be done .
I am in a similar circumstance with my sister . I have to make unpopular choices ,and get labelled as the mean one too. It is hurtful when you do so much and then someone can waltz in for two seconds and throw a wrench into all you have done . My sister will lie to me too, because she hates it when I get mad .
I hope you can get a break and just not think about it for a day .
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VIII
Very sorry to hear this OTWO. You are a great brother to be helping your sister so much.
My sister was in a very similar situation with her POS husband as she was dying last year. Her situation closely parallels your sisters. BIL refusing to work, asking MIL to pay the bills etc. Sis got a restraining order against him a few years ago. Then when she knew she was terminal she allowed him to be power-of-attorney. That sealed her fate. At least, right now, your Sister is letting you help her. That's good.
Hang in there. Try to remember any positive memories of your sister. You'll cherish those later.
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sooner7nc
It sounds tough. Good luck with it all.
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Dagney
Wow! What a story OTWO. Very sad. You are doing the best you can do under the circumstances.
Vent all you want. We are here for you.