by DATA-DOG 41 Replies latest jw friends
In my house, I'm GOD. This is MY world that child lives in
How old are your children?
My parents took the "I'm GOD" under my own roof approach and made no bones about it. Every single one of us bolted for the door the instant we turned eighteen and never looked back. Maybe that's what some parents want. Personally though, I enjoy still being a part of my adult children's lives.
Should your child read your journal?_______Bohm
Let me explain
I'll with draw cash from the ATM, jus' so my ol' man won't know what store I went to
or what I bought . And he has yet to recieve a store reciept from me.
I'm old school, I don't leave paper trails on things I don't want known
Does that mean I ain't trust worthy. NO
It means , if he hada got his ass up an came along, there would be no need to ask
what happened to his money
As for Puttin' your business in a diary, that's a risk you take. It's a paper trail
.
Hello there TD
I'm truly sorry your parents made you feel that way.
My daughter is 22 graduated from college in December
I really never had to be strick wit my daughter, I have rules
in my house, and I always told her as long as she followed those
rules , She could feel free to ask anything of me
There were times I've had to say no, but I explained why if it wasn't for breakin' a rule
and usually replaced what I said no to, wit' somethin' else
For me, hugs and encouragement went a long way
encouragement came from things she made me aware of
And also the things she didn't know I was aware of
.
Good thoughts everyone. I appreciate them.
I was home alone, cleaning/doing projects and needed something of mine from my daughter's room. I could not find it. Well, because of my own childhood, where my mom did snoop, I snooped a bit.. I wondered " Do all kids hide things under their matress?" I looked and saw some journals. I never seriously entertained the thought of reading them. Why? I trust her. She has given me no reason not to.
I have also encouraged her to write. She has a knack for it, even from an early age. I secretly wish that she would get some more education in that field, and try to write a book, or use that talent somehow. Perhaps go to Bethel and be writer. Just kidding!!!
Anyway, I felt that it would be a huge betrayal for me to encourage her writing and then to read it without her permission. I am alway trying to implant the belief that she is her own person, not a borg, and will have to live her own life someday. I teach her to reason the best that I can, and we have a wonderful relationship. We are friends, but at the same time she views me as an authority figure, which I am. So to betray that trust, IMO, would undermine everything that I am trying to prepare her for in her own life.
Another factor is TTATT. What happens down the road if I am forced to make a stand? What happens if fading is no longer a possibility? If she knows in her heart that I have never lied to her, love her, and trust her, wouldn't that count for something? She may be able to accept some hard truths from me if we have trust. If I am an authoritarian, my way or the highway dictator who tries to force her to be something or someone that she is not, she could be damaged forever. She may grow up to think that the WTBTS attitude is ok. She could marry some A-hole who acts that way, and ruin her life. Then I would be at fault, and would have to erase the guy, it would just be a mess...
I tried to look ahead and see where one act of tyranny in the name of parental authority could lead. So I did not read her diaries or journals. Unless there is some legitimate, life threatening reason, like drugs or who knows what else, I never will.
This is not a put down Was just relating something.
When I was a child I looked at my parents as "gods". We were told they were always right, they never made mistakes, and their word was law. It worked when we were small but not so much when we became older and more aware. Age and maturity does that sometimes. The "gods" one knew as a child are revealed to be imperfect humans whose mistakes can be deadly (a lot of history behind that).
I'm not god to my children. I'm their mother who will be respected but who occasionally makes mistakes and owns up to them.
You are so right Josie
I have had to treat my daughter differently as she matured
no child wants to be treated as a child forever
The best thing I had goin' for me is, whenever my daughter
presented a situation. I would tell her I understood and would
end up havin' her laughin' about my own personal experience
I couldn't fix all her problems but I could at least make her
feel better knowin' she wasn't the only one that been through it
.
But I still qualify as a GOD up in here
.
You're a goddess Was.
Funny thing is my parents still want us to see them as never erring gods. Too late for that, we're all in our 40's, we've seen behind the curtain and it ain't pretty.
My mother read my diary. It changed our relationship, and not for the better. I am 58 years old, and at the time, I was in 7th grade. I am still angry with her over this betrayal, even though she has passed away. If you decide to read your child's diary or snoop on them, I would not let my child know about it, that was my mothers mistake. She told me about it. Needless to say, she cut off my trust in her that day.
" I have also encouraged her to write. She has a knack for it, even from an early age. I secretly wish that she would get some more education in that field, and try to write a book, or use that talent somehow. "
This reminds me of something. My daughter is a natural born writer like my sister. Over the years I have enjoyed reading her writing assignments from school and have hopes that she would expand on that talent. She did for a while, started writing short stories and posting them on a writing forum. Then one day her father told her he wanted to get her a diary/journal but he reserved the right to read it if he wanted (for me it was a wtf moment). My daughter came back and told him not to bother getting her a diary because she would never write in it. I regret to say she has stopped writing for enjoyment. I'm hoping one day she'll start again.
Our preference was for an open trusting relationship. A bigger factor was our responsibility to keep our child safe in a society overrun with booze, drugs and sexual conduct best left until one reaches a far more mature age and understands the consequences.
We did not have computers when our son was a teen today parents can monitor their child's computer activities e-mails etc. I think that's important.
When a child reaches the age of 12/13 there are a lot physical and emotional changes. Some kids mature faster then others and often become 'leaders'. They can be a terrible influence on less mature ones. In fact who your child hangs out with as a teenager especially is more influential then their parents. So I think it would be prudent to be alert and careful.
If I noticed personality changes; the kind that are a bit worry some I'd take a careful look at my child's associations, email account, computer searches etc. If a pattern emerged as a last resort I'd browse their diary however I would not share that information with the child.
How would you feel if your 15 or 16 year child wrote about a wild drunk drive on back roads tossing empty beer cans out of the window or a pot party in the basement of someone's house with older kids?
