REINSTATED AND STILL SHUNNED!

by new boy 25 Replies latest jw friends

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  new boy

  i was at a wedding last summer were I met an old friend. He had been reinstated for 6 months, he was DFed for 4 years.
  He had been an elder for 10 years before that, He had commited adultery with another "brothers" wife.

  I asked him how it was going. He said "not to good" "Why" I asked. "well" he said "I lost most of my friends, they just don't like hanging around someone who screwed up!" He said "maybe they think it's catching?"

  I said "did you kill anyone?" "What?" he asked. "DID YOU KILL ANYONE?" NO! He said.

  "Well King David, KILLED and committed ADULTERY, and God could forgive him!" I said.------------"Well I guess I'm not King David" He said.

  "YA, It's still BULLSHIT"

  ?"
• 

  Marilyn

  This kinda proves a point that I've made in the past. In the "real" world shunning exists. Let's be honest here. We tend to go quiet on people we don't approve of for whatever reason. If someone is too loud or abnoxious we don't encourage them with the full warmth of our personalities. This is how we sort out our friendship structure, by being overly nice to people we like and less nice to people who we don't like or who do things we disapprove of.

  This is how we've behaved for centuries and it's not a bad system. I think it's alive and well in the Organisation. Dubs are products of Society at large. Though they are meant to welcome the 'lost sheep' back into the fold, with open arms no less, they don't trust this person any more. They are following the older more established traditions of intolerance and judgementalism. The WTS set up only works to a point but for the most part 'old habits die hard'!

  Marilyn
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  Rags

  Marilyn..i cant say that i agree with you on that. In the real world..all your friends dont suddenly turn their back on you and they dont look the other way rather than say hello when they meet you in the shopping mall .. just because you have commited adultery or smoked a cigarette..or celebrated Christmas when they are Jewish and celebrate Hannukah.....In the real world all your friends are not forced to know that you have commited a sin and to look the other way when they see you....That should be between YOU and God..

  ..why should i confess to an elder?? and why should He haveto tell all the congregations to not speak to me until i repent..? Who the hell is this man that has put himself in the place of Jesus??? Jesus wasnt even that judgemental!!!!!!isnt that the same as catholicism confessing to a priest...they are both MEN ..not God.....
  In the real world there is Freedom to choose...Freedom to speak...And yes..it is judgemental..but you are allowed to have a different opinion and life from your friends in the real world without fearing being shunned by them..are we not all sinners? Hellooooooo?

  We aren't talking about Rapist or Murder or Child Molester here...those yes, i would run from...then again..i would not choose such a friend to begin with..however..when i choose my friends i do understand as any NORMAL human being that hasn't been brainwashed would understand..that Jesus has died for our sins...and we are all sinners....
  If i dont like sluts..i wont hang out with them...if i dont like drug addicts..i stay away from them..but if a friend of mine happens to commit adultery..or another happens to get tangled in the world of drugs..i would try to help or at least be courteous enough to say hello when i see them..I would not stand there and take the place of God and lay down laws that nobody should speak to them and if they do i will not talk to that person either..think about it..how stupid that sounds....i may or may not give a chance but i certainly aint about to take God's place and lay down laws for humanity...i would show them a better life where Jesus wants us to repent.

  you get my drift..this is my opinion..thanks for letting me share with you....

  Rags
• 

  Rags

  Marilyn..i cant say that i agree with you on that. In the real world..all your friends dont suddenly turn their back on you and they dont look the other way rather than say hello when they meet you in the shopping mall .. just because you have commited adultery or smoked a cigarette..or celebrated Christmas when they are Jewish and celebrate Hannukah.....In the real world all your friends are not forced to know that you have commited a sin and to look the other way when they see you....That should be between YOU and God..

  ..why should i confess to an elder?? and why should He haveto tell all the congregations to not speak to me until i repent..? Who the hell is this man that has put himself in the place of Jesus??? Jesus wasnt even that judgemental!!!!!!isnt that the same as catholicism confessing to a priest...they are both MEN ..not God.....
  In the real world there is Freedom to choose...Freedom to speak...And yes..it is judgemental..but you are allowed to have a different opinion and life from your friends in the real world without fearing being shunned by them..are we not all sinners? Hellooooooo?

  We aren't talking about Rapist or Murder or Child Molester here...those yes, i would run from...then again..i would not choose such a friend to begin with..however..when i choose my friends i do understand as any NORMAL human being that hasn't been brainwashed would understand..that Jesus has died for our sins...and we are all sinners....
  If i dont like sluts..i wont hang out with them...if i dont like drug addicts..i stay away from them..but if a friend of mine happens to commit adultery..or another happens to get tangled in the world of drugs..i would try to help or at least be courteous enough to say hello when i see them..I would not stand there and take the place of God and lay down laws that nobody should speak to them and if they do i will not talk to that person either..think about it..how stupid that sounds....i may or may not give a chance but i certainly aint about to take God's place and lay down laws for humanity...i would show them a better life where Jesus wants us to repent.

  you get my drift..this is my opinion..thanks for letting me share with you....

  Rags
• 

  plmkrzy

  This happened to a member of my family who was also an elder, df'd for adultry. After being reinstated the shunning continued. I can't say that it was for anyother reason then "What" they were both df'd for in the first place because a lot of people were hurt in the process and friends on both sides of the family were draged into it.
  There was a lot of resentment for a long time and mixed feelings. They both ended up moving far away and starting there lives over again in a different congergation. Made new friends. They are happy now twenty-some years later.

  "I look to the sea, reflections in the waves spark my memory
  Some happy,some sad"

  styx
  
  This one most definitely Happy
• 

  slipnslidemaster

  This kinda proves a point that I've made in the past. In the "real" world shunning exists. Let's be honest here. We tend to go quiet on people we don't approve of for whatever reason. If someone is too loud or abnoxious we don't encourage them with the full warmth of our personalities. This is how we sort out our friendship structure, by being overly nice to people we like and less nice to people who we don't like or who do things we disapprove of.

  I totally agree with you.

  Slipnslidemaster: "Easter so longed for is gone in a day."
  - James Howell
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  Amazing

  Hi New Boy: This is, and has been, rather common among JWs for a long time. Even when an Elder 'steps down' from serving, or a Reg pioneer goes off the list, even if for non-sinful reasons, they often loses status and friends ... and are viewed as having something wrong with them. JWs are not really taught much in the way of forgiveness ... and being forgiving is hard for people in general ... I wonder if the Society came out and apoligized for all the harm it caused, and changed is ways, if the ex-JW community would be very forgiving?

  Following Bible principles, we will avoid trying to live - or demand others to live - by an extensive and rigid set of dos and don'ts that go beyond the teachings of the Bible. The Watchtower, 4-15-02, pg 22, pp 15
• 

  Rags

  Darn..i did it again..i keep posting twice by hitting that button again..sorrrrrrrrryyyyy!!!!!

  Marilyn, i feel you are stil very naive here..it kinda saddens me that you dont realize how different this cult is from the real world..how cold they are compared to the real world..how cruel they are from the real world.

  I wanted to also respond to your description of how JW's shun...it is not the way you put it.."we tend to go quiet on people we dont approve of"..it isnt like.."we dont encourage them the full warmth of our personality"...or .."less nice to people we dont like"....
  Yes, Marilyn..LETS be honest...that was a total understatement..in the real world...YES.we certainly are the way you described it..but you didnt describe the way a Jehovah Witness would react if they saw a disfellowshipped person!!!!!...
  Here is the reality..............
  You are Completely ignored by family and Friends who are Jehovah Witness once your disfellowshipped. A matter of fact if you are dying they wont even go to your funeral...if your children are in the hospital after an almost fatal crash..they wont even call to see if THEY are allright for fear of talking to you..

  If i walk down the street and i was disfellowshipped yesterday or last year and my blood sister..daughter of the same mother as i, walks by me who is also a JW and i say Hello and give her a hug ..she is to walk away..NOT even say hello..NOT return the hug...pretend i dont exist.....and if anyone else in the congregation see's her talking to me...SHE will be in BIG trouble...or even disfellowshipped...
  THAT is being honest...Marilyn....
  and THAT is not the Real World!..and whoever in the Real World chooses to act that way is a very cold hearted person without compassion.

  Just thought i would set the record straight for any newcomers on here who actually have NEVER been in the Jehovah Witnesses and were to read your view on Shunning...this is my view..this is my personal experience...thanx again..i know my writing is filled with emotions that may come across unpleasant...hey, i am a hot blooded italian..i would be talking with my hands here but nobody could see that...

  Rags
• 

  DakotaRed

  Marilyn, yes, we avoid, or shun if you wish, people we don't like or disapprove of in the real world. But, are we forced to do it becuase of what they believe? No. We choose who we associate with regardless of actions and beliefs. Avoiding any is our choice. Not so with the Watchtower.

  If really dug into, the Watchtower does not even practice Biblical disfellowshipping, but enforces their own policy of hating any who disagree with them. But, I think we all know this anyway.

  If God's Spirit is filling a Kingdom Hall, how is it that Satan can manuever the ones within that Kingdom Hall at the same time?
• 

  chezza

  Just having my 2 cents here, what i dont get is how they can shun someone for something they did that was so horrible they needed to be kicked out and then welcome them back just coz the elders tell them they can now, i dont get it at all.