Shunning my Family

Beans

My cousins daughter was over visiting me this year and she pointed out something that I never would have thought. She noticed how quiet I was around my family and asked if it was because they were JW`s. I thought about it and I said YES it was!

She made me realize that I was SHUNNING them all these years and I think I know why. When I stopped going to the meetings I knew that the JW`s were not the true religion and it was all a farce. I wanted little to do with them because I resented the fact that I was forced to be one and that they could not see what I did. I still feel this way and perhaps never will feel close to them as they may never leave.

Beans

artful

That's a very interesting point Beans.

I have also struggled with this issue. I have had feelings of resentment towards those still in the dub (including my close family), and at times have had a great desire to just scream "What is wrong with you people...wake up!".

Over time however I have come to accept that they are what they are and I will continue to love them unconditionally in spite of it. There was a really good article that helped my to reason in this way...you can find it at:
http://www.freeminds.org/psych/exithelp.htm

Now I try to focus my energies of scriptural education only on those close to me (my wife, close family). In subtle ways by means of questions on certain WTS doctrines I have been able to get them to reason and question things for themselves. This has actually been quite sucessful method to have them rethink (for themselves) a number of strongly held WTS doctrines - including the blood issue, new convenant, and 144,000. It is a slow battle though

cheers
artful

Beans

I have read articles on freeminds, I found them very helpful and I believe they plant the seeds although the process is a long one.

Beans

Quotes

Yes, I know what you mean. I find it hard to phone up my folks, because (1)Since the Magic Kingdom is their entire r'aison d'etre we have nothing in common and (2)when I do call and may dad answers the phone, as soon as he knows it's me he says "Hang on, let me get your mother" as if it is assumed that we have nothing to say to each other.

I think I'm going to not shun them and go to my sister's wedding, even though they won't have me at the reception.

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For interesting Watchtower Society literature quotes, complete with references but without any editorial, check out:
http://Quotes.JehovahsWitnesses.com

D wiltshire

We never want to shun the way the WT teaches if we do we are still playing the game their way.
We need to work hard to not be victims again by doing this.

Join the Watchtower or you will die.
Only Jehovah's Witnesses have the TRUTH all other religions EVIL and from the Devil.
You must beleive the Watchtower or you're going to die a painful death forever, isn't that really GOOD NEWS?

mrs rocky2

This whole shunning thing is so interesting. A number of years ago, while still quite actively involved with the Borg, we set some boundaries for my dad. He didn't like the boundaries, and was even counseled by a fellow elder to just ignore the problem. As we had asked for no more weekly phones calls (the ones asking us why we weren't out in service, and why my hubby wasn't an elder yet), the communication just died. The kids still wrote letters to them (they live 300 miles away), but the answers from g'pa were one liners. Ten years have passed - when I call them he immediately puts my mom on the phone. He's told my sis that my hubby is 'evil, bad' and influencing me and the kids to hate him. So I guess we inadvertantly imposed a type of shunning. I don't want to practice shunning, which would bring me to their level, but it's just so uncomfortable having contact with him. He is in his little world, rather self-centered, focused on his self-importance (he's a PO with high up connections at the circuit level). We have nothing in common. I haven't right out told him that I'm through with JWs because I'm sure he would prevent mom from any contact with me. But I'm fairly certain he knows I'm no longer active. How do you keep from this type of shunning? He doesn't listen to reason. Strictly a company man, actually a little frightening (I've felt his temper through the end of a leather belt). I'm 40 something and he still has this emotional control over me. So for self-preservation I tend to avoid him. If anyone has any good suggestions I'm open to hearing them!

D wiltshire

mrs rocky2,

Don't shun him, but make sure your honest with him and tell him to his face how controlong he is and how much of a turn off that part of his personality is.
I think it's worth a try.

Join the Watchtower or you will die.
Only Jehovah's Witnesses have the TRUTH all other religions EVIL and from the Devil.
You must beleive the Watchtower or you're going to die a painful death forever, isn't that really GOOD NEWS?

Tinkerbell4125

Great advice here!

I don't play into their shunning anymore. I approach my j.w. as I would anyone. I speak, I'm loving. Weather they shun me or not, I'm not playing into it anymore. It gives them a sense of power and importance that they seem to be lacking. I love my family and I know they miss me.

My uncle was in the hospital recently. I stayed with him one night. In the process, I was in contact with j.w. family. They were kind, but brief and to the point with me. I know the only reason that I have any contact at all with them, is because I help care for my uncle. *a family matter*. I'm sure that after my uncle passes away, there will really be no more reason for me to be in contact with my j.w. family. Regardless, I will contiune to be kind and show love to them. You never know, maybe one of these days, one of them will see the light and leave the org.!!! I'm sure they are thinking that one of these days, I'll come back to the *truth*. That's NOT going to happen! It's fucked up and I feel sorry for them! Tink =;o)

lv4fer

I really don't shun anyone, but I find that I don't want to get together with the two sisters that I use to get together with. It's really not on purpose and when I see them I talk and stuff, but I just feel awkward. I really can't explain it. They are so absorbed in "The LIE" and I want to get away from it, so it's like I'm repelled in an odd way. Not on purpose but almost sub-concious like.

Tinkerbell4125

lv4fer, I know EXACTLY how you feel! Sometimes I want to scream with they carry on with the j.w. lingo. We have nothing and I mean nothing in common, other than the fact that we are blood related. They are so out there! My j.w. sister divorced her fornicating j.w. husband and turned around one week later and married another j.w. man. I use to get drunk her her and her ex. Now she's pioneering. My other j.w. sister is married to j.w. LOSER and my uncle is in his care. My uncle is in poor health and needs constant care. They had been dragging this poor old man to the meetings. He was having panic attacks and they had to rush him to the hospital. Long story short. The whole situation revolving around anything having to do with the j.w.'s is pitiful. I have to take my med's and bite my tounge....kid you not.

Do you ever wonder why you even bother with them? Do you ever think that you are just gonna call it quits with all of them and walk away from it all. I moved.....moved far away....it's all at a healthy, lengthy distant....at arms length, you might say.

I will tell you this, I have found my family in friends. I have found my new family....not that I don't love my blood related family, but I have a circle of friends that fall into the real definition of what the word *family* really means. You know what I mean? Anyone else done the same? Tink =;o)

Shunning my Family

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