Newbie - I need advice! (page 2)

awakening

Thank you all for your welcome and support. Its amazing to be on the receiving end of sincere comments. I am so sorry to hear of some of the struggles you guys have gone/go through. I think this forum is just an amazing place and is providing me with" food at the proper time."

awakening

Thank you all for your welcome and support. Its amazing to be on the receiving end of sincere comments. I am so sorry to hear of some of the struggles you guys have gone/go through. I think this forum is just an amazing place and is providing me with" food at the proper time."

clarity

awakening ... a warm welcome to you on this board!

You are in good company .... so many newbies have jumped

in this January!

>

clarity

Ding

Welcome!

With regard to your wife, do a lot of listening.

She may have her own doubts but be afraid to tell you.

ABibleStudent

Welcome awakening, and thanks for sharing your experiences. Post on JWN as much as possible to help you vent your emotions, instead of raising suspicions of JW family and friends. You might want to read the thread Progress ( I think? ) in helping my wife to see the "truth" by stuckinamovement and other posts that he wrote to get ideas to help your wife awaken. Be very slow trying to help your wife, because her whole world may crash down on her.

Double Ditto what jgnat wrote!! I would recommend that you read Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones to Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs") or visit his website. After reading Steve Hassan's books, you will understand a lot more about the WTBTS and how you feel. If you are financially well off, I would also recommend that you contact Steve Hassan through his website to either talk with him personally or to locate a counselor who is near you.

Take your time and write down your plan(s) for a successful fade. The following is an example of a potential and basic plan:

Resolve your emotional conflicts first;
Contact a cult exit counselor if you can afford one;
Wait for you wife to discuss her doubts with you before asking her simple questions to increase her doubts;
Post regularly on JWN about your emotions and asking how to awaken your wife;
Meet non-JWs, who may have similir interests to your wife;
If you have kids, carefully encourage your kids to meet non-JW friends;
Take your wife on outings where she will meet non-JWs and enjoy her life;
When going to WTBTS conventions make reservations at hotels that are not promoted by the WTBTS;
Reduce or stop donating to the WTBTS;
Hold weekly home bible studies with you wife without using WTBTS magazines; and
Use non-WTBTS sources to research your beliefs, and
Help awaken other JW family and friends, who you love, so you do not have to move away from them to avoid them shunning you.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

Comatose

I just finished this book this morning. Crisis of Conscience- http://www.scribd.com/fullscreen/58023827?access_key=key-2bmufq4z3pwqpb25m0m3 I am new, born in, still in, MS till they announce my stepping down. I am married as well.

I told the brothers I was not a drunk, couldn't remember the last time I had been drunk, but that I felt alcohol was something I had to stop partaking of, and that I thought there was a chance I had a dependency. I said for personal reasons I wanted to step down for a time. It worked easily, and was true, as I became a heavy drinker the last two yrs trying to cope with my doubts. The two brothers said they would just tell the body I was stepping down for personal reasons. Seems to have worked very well.

Phizzy

Welcome Awakening ! you sound very like me when I wqs just really waking up. MS, one time Reg Pio, never Elder, born-in , so was my wife, all family in on my side.

I did a bit of a fade without knowing it, I stopped giving Public Talks, eventually stopped TMS, then I had the epiphany that 1914 was simply not in the Bible, so stopped Dto D work, I could not teach something that was not true, I could not study the Bible Teach book which taught other stuff not in scripture.

One day I walked out of the K.H , and with a sad heart knew I would never go back. The religion was all I had known, all my friends were JW's (bar a few non JW's who now my only friends), my business came mainly from other JW's, my livelihood.

I did not know how my wife would take it, so I said nothing for a week or so, till she said "are we not going to Meetings anymore ?" and I said "correct, we are not, at least I am not, you can if you like."

My dear wife never liked FS or Meetings much, she was always missing a good number, so it didn't bother her as much as I thought it might. All dshe missed was the social side, we had a very social Congregation.

There followed an intense period of my learning the truth about the truth (TTATT), and sharing what I had learned with Mrs Phizzy, when she was prepared to listen. She did for along time say things like "are you sure you are right", because she had a lingering feeling that the JW's had got something right.

She is now convinced that the WT is a fraud, our marriage is stronger than it was when we were in, we have grown closer.

I hope this experience is of encouragement to you, please take advice on here every step of the way, and please let your wife know you love her and will always be with her.

Good luck ,and welcome to Freedom !

awakening

Loads of great advice! Thanks again. I have found it so tough giving talks lately too Phizzy. The C.O. Said he thought i had lost my sparkle last talk i gave. I have an away public talk next month - oh dear!

From what you guys are saying it would help to encourage my wife with "worldly friendships" I think this could work. The big problem is that as good obedient witneeses we never had children. Her nieces still in will surely prevent any progress away from the hall?

Lozhasleft

Hello Awakening and a warm welcome to the forum. I think Jgnat's advice to go 'undercover' is a good tip. Make sure that while you go throughout the process of waking up your wife that you are loving and kind. I'm sure this will be easy for you as you sound as if you care for her very much anyway. But remember that JWs teach that those drawing away are influenced by Satan, so your very loving ways will counteract any suggestion of that. Steve Hassan's books about 'Combatting Cult Mind Control' are really excellent. It's good to hear your relief at being able to speak honestly here. This place has helped so many of us to heal on the journey out, when friends and family are lost and our hearts get broken. I look forward to hearing some of your stories.

Loz x

gingerbread

Too many of us 'faders' feel phony in the beginning. Just remember that you are finally being honest with yourself!

I began to share some information bit by bit last year with my wife. But first I suggested that we do two things that the Society tells us to do: 1. read the Bible 2. research our "spiritual heritage" as JW's and the early organization. So...we began to read just the Bible. And watched the history videos. Then I shared more stuff about the early Society - belief origins/adventism/eschatology etc. from "neutral" sources like Wikipedia. I'm also underlining the WT study (something I haven't done in years) and highlighting the conjectures and assumptions made in every study that have no Biblical support. She is noticing and it's making for real, honest conversation about this belief system we were raised in.

It's working!

Newbie - I need advice!

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