NEW RELIGION! NEED INPUT! (page 10)

TheHighPriest

Hi,

Is there a job for a High Priest?

THP who's already got a title but needs the job to go with it.

LDH

Mommy,

I am no longer capable of watching a chick-flick! Too many years of exposure (courtesy of hubby) to the:

NBA
NFL
MLB
NHL
MLS
and now most recently, the XFL (although NOT really--they suck SO BAD *I* can make most of the calls! 'Offside' 'Illegal man downfield' etc)

And any other acronym that represents legions of hot sweaty men running around have left me virtually useless during a chick flick!

I would be happy to serve as Ambassador of Sporting Event Spectators, and help all honest-hearted women who don't know the difference between a first down and goose down!

Now there's something I can do!

Lisa

As head Ass Bite(LOL!) D.O., you will be in charge of an exclusive club call "Beth-Scam", a mansion that caters to the whims of our social elite. This will be a place of refuge where we can get away from the public outcry against our religion, and drink ourselves into oblivion ala Joe Rutherford.

Dark Clouds,

btw, a perfect name for you department. I can't think of a better job description than the one you gave. You're in, you devil, you!

High Priest,

You are in charge of the controlled substance department. You will be sort of a medicine man, or witch doctor. Your office will be set up at the "Beth-Scam" mansion. I'm sure you and Scorpion will get along just fine.

LDH,

your job as head sport coordinator and teacher, will be to wip the throngs of spectators into wild frenzies. Of course, to do this you will need to see the person in charge of the Royal Vestments to get your new uniform; a thong.

Simon,

Ah, yes, the wet t.., I mean baptism, can you digitally enhance recruits going through baptism to be, ah, let's say, more well endowed? This digital enhancement will be perfect for our own videos and pictures for our publications.

Well done, team! If there aren't any departments covered. Feel free to make up your own. Can't have enough bureaucracy, you know.

Fred hall,

I've even got a job for you! You will be the court jester/whipping boy/target for pie throwing, dunk tank, etc. Your job is extremely important. You need to give the rank and file a target for aggression. We don't want our disgruntled adherents to wander the streets aimlessly trashing and looting stores.

TR

Farkel,

with all the deep thought put into our bureaucracy, I completely failed to think of the "god" aspect of our religion. Sure we have a Goddess, RHW, but she in all her exquisit beauty is the visible idol we all adore. What we need is an invisible almighty, the likes of which has never been concieved of before. I like flames and big pipe organs. What else can you do for us?

TR

Undecided

HI Anointed,

Is this religion going to be spirit directed or inspired? If it's spirit directed, would Brandy or Rum be acceptable? If it's inspired will 2/3 inspired and 1/3 not inspired be ok?

Ken P.

Scorpion

Undecided,

You can have all the spirits you want at Beth-Scam. If you drink enough spirits, you may be Lucky enough to see the spirits of the faithful worthies of old mentioned in Bro-Joe's book Millions now Living Will Never Die.

OH LORDY, I said the word (LUCKY)! Is that tolerated in this new religion?

HEY TRRRRRrrrrrr!

TR

Undecided,

Our spirit-direction is fueled by a full bar. Check with Scorpion at the Beth-Scam mansion. As for being inspired, well, a full bar can do that to a person, too! It depends on whether or not the 2/3 has been "spirit" directed.

TR

ozziepost

Well, it's obvious what job I'll get. I reckon I'm a 'shoe-in" for being appointed POSTmaster.

Now the first thing I'll do is get it written into the elders' (well, we need them, don't we?) Green Books that you are not allowed to have mail boxes that have those little flags on, that you yanks like to have. Nope, true believers will not be influenced to have phallic symbols, so they're out!

Affectionately yours,

Ozzie (Postmaster class)

larc

TR,

I want compliment you on your excellant executive skills. You put together a fine GB.

Scorpian,

As senior writer and director of new light, I want assure you the the word "lucky" is perfectly acceptable. Now, we may have to call a special session of the GB, during the seventh inning stretch at the baseball portion of our next convention to determine if the term to "get lucky" is acceptable.

unanswered

okay, i'm coming in on this pretty late, but please sign me up. after going through all the posts, i think i've found something that's missing. violence. every good religion need's a hefty amount of bloodshed or bloodguilt to get a good number of people behind it. what would christianity be w/out the crusades or the inquisition? if you wish, i will begin training large packs of canary island fighting dogs that will attack and dismember all who oppose us, thereby filling the streets with the blood of the unbelievers, and striking fear into the hearts of our enemies as well as the rank and file. no religion has ever had the sucess that those who use fear to rule do. i'll do this myself if you want, but the dogfood will get pretty expensive(because it will have crack in it, to make the dogs meaner) so i may need some funds from headquarters. don't worry-if you use me for this, all the "faithful" will be spared.:)

NEW RELIGION! NEED INPUT!

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