Non JW involved with a JW (page 3)

Think About It

LIT......thanks for telling us what you though when you found out he was a JW. I sent you a PM. Click on the mail envelope in the upper right hand corner. You may have to click on the PM message twice. The first click may say error.

GLTirebiter

Greetings, and welcome LostInTranslation!

He speaks of "leading a double life." There is "hot/cold, switch flipping behaviour." "The rejection/love cycle was doing my head in!" And he's out seeing a new girlfriend (you) before the divorce is official.

I suggest these things provide a good look at his character. Don't expect him to change if you become further involved with him. If you continue to see him, at least do so with eyes wide open, knowing what you are getting into. But if you were my daughter, I'd tell you it's usually better to suffer a little heartbreak now than a huge one later.

ballistic

LIT, I never told anyone about my JW past when I exited. It's not like you make a concious decision not to do so,

just that it's like you escaped a cult which no-one understands or knows anything about. And sometimes when you do reveal it, you can still get

a cold, even prejudicial reaction. It's not like saying to someone I'm CofE or something like that.

The only thing I think you need to worry about is the fact he is indeed leading a double life and it's an extremely stressful

and confusing place to be. There is you, trying to work his mind out, and he probably doesn't know himself at all.

marriedtoajw

LostIntranslation you have a pm

LostInTranslation

Ballistic,

Thank you

Yes! I have thought this myself. I have a feeling through all of the talking and research I have done in the last little while that you may well be right, I actually may have more insight into what is going on in his head than he even does at this point.

Clearly from his own actions, he is confused at the very least. And questioning his beliefs and way of life at most.

Think:

PM returned.

Married to a JW:

I only had one PM from think about it.

jgnat

Hey, there. I'm a non-JW married to a Witness. Most of the time he is his natural self, which is good for me. It is very good that you noticed the flip/switch of the two personalities, which Hassan talks about. That cold one is the put-on Witness personality.

I think a confrontation is in order. He has to be honest with you. I suggest you do your best to have the conversation with the natural man.

Since touch seems to be the trigger, I suggest you stage the confrontation in public, like a restaurant, and ask him to hold off on the touching until the serious part of the conversation is over. You can help him empathize by using phrases like "Put yourself in my shoes for a moment," anything to keep him out of the cold mode.

I fear Satanus is right, that the WTS is his new drug of choice, and he may believe it is his only path to sobriety. You might come right out and ask that.

When you have more information, you can make an intelligent decision whether you want to invest more in this guy. All your love in the world won't be enough if he is unwilling to break free.

LostInTranslation

jgnat

Thank you for your input. I have read many of your previous posts in my search for answers and respect both your story and your opinion.

To be sure this is not an easy situation.

I keep wavering in my own mind between walking away now, and making one last ditch attempt to speak to him about all of this.

Of course, my heart and mind are at odds. I am certain if we didn't have a past together He would never have reconnected with me, and I would certainly not be holding on like I am.

More fool me

jgnat

The thing is, I am convinced there is no "miracle conversion" to wake up a Witness to the mess they are making of their life. If you try "last ditch effort" you might come out shrieky and scary, which is guaranteed to scare him in to his shell.

If you have a few thousand dollars, you might have Steve Hassan do it for you.

Think About It

making one last ditch attempt to speak to him about all of this.

Oh yeah......a talk with him is definately in order now. Lay it all out on the table, including that you know he is a JW.

LostInTranslation

Thank you again everyone.

Jgnat,

I am not under any disallusion that may be able to wake up or "free" him.

I have no intention of even trying, this is out of my realm and I know that. Really at this point I would just like to sit with him and hear him tell me some truths. To this point he has still

not mentioned the JW to me. I guess I just feel he owes me a little honesty.

My questions about how best to speak with him and how to approach it with him is not with intention of trying to change him, but how to not have him run screaming either and turning directly to the cult persona. I would much rather discuss this with his authentic self.

I guess I would just like to keep an open dialogue without him feeling judged and without me feeling shut down, if any of that makes sense.

I realize in all honesty that it very well may be our last discussion. I would like to walk away feeling like I didn't add to his decision to stay embeded in the JW world. (no one wants to be a vehicle of satan after all )

Non JW involved with a JW

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