Is there a 'third' way to leave?

by Splash 31 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  BluesBrother

  "Most elders will read it as: if they no longer want to associate actively stay on them until you can bring them back to the fold or they DA."

  Around here the elders are too lazy or too busy to care very much about inactive faders, unless they make waves and the BOE receives complaints.

  The point is that they cannot count their time when discussing with baptized people so it does their Ministry Record no good at all. They would sooner stand on the doorsteps of Not At Homes and have the Service Record meter clocking up hours. If they talk with you, it is a labour of love - and there is not a lot of that around.
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  gingerbread

  After reading the Bible by itself and doing a thorough examination of WT history (this will take time), I've found that a slow fade will reduce the personal damage / pain. Become irregular in meeting attendance. Become irregular in field service (this will raise concern from family, "the friends" and elders). This is a good time to start the "excuses" that are often mentioned on this board. Skip assembly and convention days. Stop field service (the heat will intensify!). Last ditch efforts will be made to bring you back into activity. Expect elders (and others) to become aggressive, tackless, rude, sarcastic and patronizing. You will find out at this point who in your family and others in the in congregation truly care about you - as a person and not as a JW. The brainwashed will shun you. On the upside, because you've avoided the final consequences of the DF/DA many will treat you just fine - even secretly wishing they could do the same.

  During the process, watch what you say and fade smart!
• 

  Splash

  Just read this on the official website which reinforces the view that there is a third way to leave:

  Those who were baptized as Jehovah’s Witnesses but no longer preach to others, perhaps even drifting away from association with fellow believers, are not shunned. In fact, we reach out to them and try to rekindle their spiritual interest.

  Splash
• 

  MMXIV

  I used the phrase "I am not going to meetings". I did not say I'm not going to associate. Elders & family did probe to find out if there was a reason why and see if there was a way to categorise it as a disassociation. I was very positive, talked about the good work they had done and reassured them I'd talk to them if needed. I also went to the memorial soon after and was very positive there.

  I had preceeded this with a carefully planned long fade, reducing activity, attendance at meetings and had no JW friends in the congregation - effectively showing I was weak.

  Having spent 3 decades putting up with all kinds of rubbish, I was fine about leaving in a way where I could still have contact with my family. I didn't need to vent. For me it was the right decision.

  They did try and hound but they couldn't get past the barrier of me thanking them. I moved to another area and that ended the contact.

  How do family treat me now? It has taken a few years but they know that I'm better than anyone they know in the congregation (don't mean to boast). They certainly don't want to risk losing contact with me so they don't even preach to me :-)

  mmxiv
• 

  Phizzy

  And who knows ? the unremarkable passing of the year MMX1V may wake your family up too !
• 

  redvip2000

  Another way of fading is to do a congregation change. Go to a new congo and tell them you are moving there. They will ask the old congo for the J-pub card, etc.

  Once the transfer is completed, immediately start fading from the new congo. Since you are really not known by anybody, there is very little chance that anybody will follow up on your absense. You will also be out of the old congo's radar as you are not part of that flock either.

  When i got married i told them i was going to attend my wife's congo. She had already faded, but they didn't know that. I was never bothered about why i wasn't going to meetings on either congregation, even though now everybody realizes are i'm not attending at all.

  The key as others have said is to not show any anymosity towards the cult to anybody that is outside of your close friends and family.
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  cobaltcupcake

  Such a minefield!

  It shouldn't be so difficult to leave a religion you no longer believe in.
• 

  factfinder

  Splash,

  I just stopped going. This was nearly 8 years ago.

  Nobody asked me why or encouraged me to come back. No elders called on me.

  I am just inactive, but no one from the cong has ever gotten in touch with me. No invitation to the memorial or the DC, nothing-like I never existed.

  I never said anything bad about the org to anyone or spoke of any doubts. But I have been ignored by the cong ever since.

  I have a jw brother who tried to convince me to go back and when I would'nt he stopped answering my letters and does not return my phone calls.

  I am not Df'd or DA'd.

  I still get the magazines and new releases from a sister I know in another cong who knows I am inactive and do not attend.

  Recently I had been thinking of going back to some meetings see what it would be like but decided against it.
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  jeremiah18:5-10

  Making known a firm decision to be known no longer as one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

  If the individual is agreeable, the committee should first try to speak with him and provide spiritual assistance.

  It is also of note that this is in a committee setting. Therefore I suspect this is a scenario where a person actually approaches the elders and states they don't want to be a jw any longer. The elders are then to form a committe and ascertain if its for one of the two reasons above. A committee can't or at least shouldn't be formed just because someone is going in active. Only if they have taken the next step and vocalized a desire not to be a jw. If in fact they then, during the hearing, say they are discouraged or depressed and just want to be left alone but don't voice a rejection of the organization, they would or should not be labeled apostate or as DA. I believe Splash is correct in this assessment.
• 

  Phizzy

  Each BOE is different, except that nearly all have on board at least one A-hole.

  If you wish to keep the status of "inactive" , you have to be very wary of how you deal with any Elders, if at all possible avoid a "committee" type situation, dont provoke it.

  If you do end up in front of three, or get a visit by two, again, deal with it most carefully.

  Most of us long time faders are left alone, the early efforts of the keen Elders, some keen to help you, resident A-hole keen to DF you, not having born fruit, the time long gone when a keen C.O will come across your record card, it is just too much effort to chase us.

  What may well happen in the future is that pressure on relatives to view and treat us as though we are DF'd Apostates , simply because we do not activly support the Org, may grow to such a level that merely fading will be no advantage. This may happen if the paranoid GB see inactive ones as the last threat to their position that they have not scared the R&F in to steering clear of.

  After all, we do have a singular advantage in being able to plant seeds of doubt, known Apostates have had their guns spiked.

  I wish all who are attempting a "Fade" the very best of luck, seek advice on here as and when you need it.